Title: The Value of Greatness
Plot: A famous musician is confronted with his regrets.
Genre: Existentialist and dramatic.
Sentences:
The cheers were deafening. The spotlight blinding. Backstage was dim and crowded with actors rehearsing their lines dressed in a variety of costumes.
Critique: @dwyn I for one, quite like your short and concise sentences, but what I don't like is your descriptive nature because the descriptions can easily become confusing and may hinder the message.
"Late April air flooded into the room in floral scented drafts." Could easily be shortened to "Late April air flooded into the room" Since we're well aware that flowers bloom in April, it's implied that the air would be perfumed with flowers.
"The rain from the night before had left its crisp scent on the earth."
Now my senses are confused; should I be smelling the earth or the flowers? Both?
Gender:
Points: 11
Reviews: 7