Young Writers Society

Among the list great cities of Emperor Talent's realm, you will not find Kazoo. Nor is it on the list of mediocre cities. Instead, it is on the list of the poorest cities; and it is dead last on that list.

The walls of the city are covered in easy to climb ivy, the gate itself is made of rotten wood. There is no city guard, except if you count the skeleton with the rusted armor on. The tavern has ugly barmaids, the peasants farm mud, and the castle has a serious rat infestation. If it wasn't for the complete lack of everything, there would be a criminal underworld. As it is, there isn't much demand for mud on the black market.

You are a part of an enterprising group of people who want to take Kazoo and make it something special.

Post Profiles!

Name: Earl Grey

Age: 18

Appearance: Boring

Skills: ???

Bio: Earl Grey is the younger brother of Marlon Grey. Where Marlon was a heroic figure that founded the mercenary group known as the Grey Ghosts, Earl has been less accomplished. He's not heroic, he doesn't do well in front of groups of people, all he is really good at is reading and running. When he is running, he is usually running away from something that he finds terrifying. Which is darn near everything. He is definitely a coward, which has given him a poor reputation.

He is employed with the Grey Ghosts, mostly because Earl needed a job and Marlon wouldn't get a moment's peace from his mother if he didn't hire him. Both Earl and Marlon know that fighting isn't what Earl is good at. So, Marlon's sent him to Kazoo to keep him out of trouble. A city that no one wants or cares about should be a safe place to train new recruits and keep Earl out of harm's way.

Name: Dorian Scale

Age: 20

Appearance: Bit of a fop.

Skills: Bardic magic. Kinda.

Bio: It can be said that Dorian has a gift for music. It would be more correct to say that he has a magic harp. He refers to this instrument as “my lady.” When he’s being polite, that is. More often she get epithets like “useless hunk of wood” or “foul, untunable nag.” He tries to make up in enthusiasm what he lacks in actual talent.

He was sent on the quest because he can work spells with his music. Sometimes. Usually in an unhelpful fashion. Honestly, his music teachers hoped he would be useful on the road, because he certainly wasn’t doing them any good at home. Dorian jumped at the chance to go on a real adventure, and perhaps gain some inspiration for an epic poem or two.

Alright Leah, it looks like we're it. If anyone else wants to join in, feel free.

Earl Grey

Earl and Dorian rode along the road towards Kazoo. Things were going surprisingly well. No bandits had tried to attack them, no snakes had tried to bite the horses, nothing of note had happened at all. In fact, things were so immensely dull, that Dorian had decided to make improvements to his instrument.

The harp had been transformed into... something. As near as Earl could tell, Dorian was trying to create a string/woodwind/percussion/brass instrument from random pieces of debris that they had come across on their journey. It sounded just as bad as it looked.

Earl consulted his map. He had never been good with the physical part of being a mercenary, but he had done well on the scholarly side of things.

"Judging by the map--"

BARREEEEP!

Earl looked over at Dorian. His face grimaced in pain.

"You were saying, Sir?"

"I was saying that we should be able to see Kazoo from just over that ridge," Earl said.

"Great, then I can finally become inspired and compose a piece that will bring tears to the eyes of my listeners!" Dorian replied.

Too late... Earl thought as he remembered the last note. They continued on to the top of the ridge and looked down on Kazoo. Earl pulled out his spyglass to get a better look.

There was an old castle in the distance and it was surrounded by mud. It was as if the land had been devastated by a flood of mud. There were signs of life among the mud though, mud houses and smoke from fires were visible. Farm animals were visible and some people were visible, if covered in mud.

"Don't worry brother, you're the sort of person that could be dumped into a pile of mud and come up with diamonds! You're perfect for this job," Marlon had told Earl when he had first told him about Kazoo. He didn't think that he would literally be dumped into a pile of mud--

BRAMP! BRAMP! PING! PING! HONK! HONK! BOOM!

Dorian Scale

“Now that’s more like it!” Dorian Exclaimed. “Pretty soon I’ll have My Lady sounding as majestic as she ought.”

Judging from his expression, Earl didn’t seem to appreciate what a feat this was. Dorian thought it a shame that his companion wasn’t a music lover. Well, not everyone had his impeccable taste.

Strumming his instrument idly, he surveyed their destination. The town was very rustic. The setting definitely wasn’t what he was expecting. He could work with that though.

“Would you look at that castle? It’s probably haunted or something.”

“Haunted? By Ghosts?” Earl gulped.

“Yeah! Or something even better! Let’s go see!”

With that he charged down the hill towards the village. In mere moments he had reached the outskirts. He did not dismount immediately though. It was proving impossible to find a place to get down that wouldn’t permanently ruin his shoes.

A girl who bore a striking resemblance to the pigs she was tending was staring at him as he rode in circles looking for a spot that wasn’t utterly filthy.

“Greetings, maiden,” he called.

She raised an eyebrow and snorted at him. Ignoring her scorn, Dorian looked back for Earl Grey and realized the man was still far behind him.

“Sir!” He shouted. “Are you coming or not?”

Earl

Earl hurried after Dorian as fast as he dared. Or as fast as the horse would let him. Up to this point, Earl and his horse had been in agreement about the pace, but now the horse would not budge above a trot. By the time he had caught up to Dorian and what turned out to be a girl, the two were fighting. The girl was attempting to destroy the instrument, which Dorian had apparently attempted to play in her presence. Earl, rather reluctantly, drew his sword.

"That's enough!" Earl said, putting as much authority as he could into the statement. He hoped, rather than believed that he was successful. The two disengaged though and she stared at Earl.

"How did it happen?" Earl asked.

"I was attempting to show her my latest composition..." Dorian said.

"This is strictly against the Commandments of Kaz!" the girl shrieked.

"Please pardon my friend's ignorance; he did not know that you were a follower of Kaz. Will you please take us to the nearest male, that we may converse with him?" Earl said respectfully. The girl relaxed some and led the way toward the nearest hut.

"Earl, what is going on?"

"You've never heard of the Kaz's Commandments?" Earl asked.

"No, what are they?"

"Kaz was a philosopher that lived several hundred years ago. He believed that the only way the world could be saved is if everyone had a pure heart. He was absolutely obsessed with the idea. Anyway, he created a list of what behaviors had to be observed in order for people to have pure hearts. That's what's called the Commandments of Kaz."

"Can you skip to the part where she tried to kill me?"

"Kaz had certain views on courtship. Basically, he was against almost every kind of interaction between the sexes. A girl talking to a guy for them is what a girl kissing a guy is for us. And they don't even believe in kissing until they are in their second year of engagement. Singing a song for a stranger would be like pinching a bar wench, hence the attack," Earl said.

"How do you know so much about Kaz?"

"My parents were librarians, so I read a lot as a child. It's probably better if you don't try to start conversations with women. You might also think twice before performing some of your raunchier songs. A lot of followers of Kaz settled in Kazoo."

"How come they're so ugly?"

"All Kaz women look ugly. It's another part of Kaz's Commandments. He believed that beautiful women are a distraction, so they modify their appearance so that they don't look beautiful in public. No one but their husbands know what they look like in private."

"Something tells me I'm going to hate this place," Dorian said.

Dorian
Dorian was indeed miserable. Nothing was turning out as it should.

How was he supposed to work on his opus in conditions like this? I would take a lot of exaggeration to make this place song-worthy, but the lack of beautiful women was the end of his optimism. Whoever heard of a town with no fair maidens?

And then there was all this about a song being the equivalent of a pinch. What did that make actual pinching? Not that he had desire to do that in the first place. Not with these girls.

And now on top of that his worthless harp was rejecting his improvements. Already she had managed to shed the components he’d added and turn them into things like feather dusters and tea cosies. Also, the steed he rode was now a goat.

So now he was stuck walking, which meant he was now covered in from the knees down. He absolutely loathed the substance.

“Can we go to the castle now?”

“Um, no. No, I think we should explore more of the city first,” said Earl, hastily.

Dorian sighed as examined his muck-ridden boots. While he didn’t think there was much else in town worth seeing, he supposed he couldn’t get much filthier. Then My Lady’s strings twanged and bright pink flowers sprang fully grown from the sludge on his shoes.

Great. Now he was being mocked.

Hey guys. Thought this SB could use a little spice.

Name- Annie B (no-one knows her actual surname)

Age- Thirteen

Appearance-
A bit paler than most. She is a part fox, she has a fox tail and ears. Blue eyes that seem to change shade all the time. Her hair is really really dark brown and down to her shoulder blades. Smallish hands with beautiful long slender fingers. Wears a black and hot pink striped bandanna. Usually has grass stains on her clothes. Also has a notebook in her pocket in which she writes down EVERYTHING. Logs (sometimes) battle tactics, every thought that passes through her head that's worth writing down. Always carries her frying pan as a weapon. DO NOT underestimate it, she and the pan make a very dangerously effective combination.

Skills-
She's a great fighter, someone you definitely want on your side. Her only magical ability is to call up a thunderstorm. She has a unique vocabulary and way of using it. She is moderatley supsicous of everyone, just in case. Being a part fox, she can communicate with them. If the fox wishes.

Bio-
She's a hero for hire, the adventure itself her only reward. This young herione travels wherever, seeking adventure and exitement. Her fun-loving, careless nature will keep you on your toes. But she can also be serene and sombre at times. She is, I'm afraid, a bit reckless. She sees an odd tree, she climbs it. She hears a legend, she goes for it. She sees an interesting person, she sticks with them for a while just in case they need her butt-kicking skills. But you'll never believe what she was before she was a herione. She used to be a quiet, sad girl, hopelessly, endlessly wishing to escape the world. Because of her past emotional instability, she is very compassionate and understanding of/to/about others. This is her strength and her weakness.
Annie is truly unforgettable.




There is so much more to her, (I even have a picture that I drew myself of what she looks like!) but I made this nice and simple for ya.

AnnieB

Kazoo. Not the most fun place Annie'd ever been. The people were boring, the houses were boring.
She was headed out of Kazoo, into wherever the road would take her. She wrote in her notebook- People- Ugly, boring. Place- Same. Legends- None. Trees- Hey...not too bad...nice and gnarled and knotted. Must. Climb. Odd. Tree.
She'd always been an amazing tree climber. She put her foot on a good big knot and tried to grab a branch.
Mmm. This was a two-handed job. She stuffed her notebook into her bandanna and her pan- nowhere to stuff it, just use it as an arm extension. Like one of her notes. Use everything as an advantage, even your disadvantages.
She'd learned that one when fighting a huge boss-type magma monster. Man, what a battle.......Focus. Right. She advanced up, letting twigs scratch her face, testing every limb with the tip or her boot to make sure it would hold her weight. These trees, to her amazement, were pretty hardy, not half-rotted as she expected.
Being a good climber as she was, this didn't take long. She took a note- Tree, knotted and gnarly. Hollow- no. Some interesting object stuck in a knot- no.
Two figures caught her eye. She made quick rough sketches of thier faces almost automatically. Then she half-hopped off the tree limb she was on and made a 'Hello I'm AnnieB and it's amazing to see another human life-form' face with a dangerous carefree kinda smile, gave a careless wave, almost like a salute.
''Hey there, boys. You seen anything dangerous or fun around these parts? That counts AROUND these parts, not this part in particular. This part is so dull, you could cut apathy with a knife if you know what I'm sayin.' You boys OK?'' These boys seemed a bit shocked and paralysed.
A young girl twirling a frying pan like a baton, a crazy bandanna and craving for dangerous fun does that.
The dull one managed to muster some question on who this odd stranger was. ''Me? I'm a hero for hire, the adventure itself my only reward. I've fought Treebeasts, giant magma monsters and Samurai. I've gone cliff jumping. I can call up a thunderstorm and kick butt. The frying pan is my signature weapon, as treasure to me as that musical monstrosity is to you. I've read the legends and now it's time to make my own. I'm Annie B!'' The boys were now paler than her. The one with the lute would be fuming at her for calling his Lady a monstrosity if he wasn't so shocked.
The dull, cowardly one would have ran if his legs had let him.
Annie B grinned like an imp, pleased to have made her mark.

AnnieB

Kazoo. Not the most fun place Annie'd ever been. The people were boring, the houses were boring. She was headed out of Kazoo, into wherever the road would take her. She wrote in her notebook- People- Ugly, boring. Place- Same. Legends- None. Trees- Hey...not too bad...nice and gnarled and knotted. Must. Climb. Odd. Tree. She'd always been an amazing tree climber. She put her foot on a good big knot and tried to grab a branch. Mmm. This was a two-handed job. She stuffed her notebook into her bandanna and her pan- nowhere to stuff it, just use it as an arm extension. Like one of her notes. Use everything as an advantage, even your disadvantages. She'd learned that one when fighting a huge boss-type magma monster. Man, what a battle.......Focus. Right. She advanced up, letting twigs scratch her face, testing every limb with the tip or her boot to make sure it would hold her weight. These trees, to her amazement, were pretty hardy, not half-rotted as she expected. Being a good climber as she was, this didn't take long. She took a note- Tree, knotted and gnarly. Hollow- no. Some interesting object stuck in a knot- no. Two figures caught her eye. She made quick rough sketches of thier faces almost automatically. Then she half-hopped off the tree limb she was on and made a 'Hello I'm AnnieB and it's amazing to see another human life-form' face with a dangerous carefree kinda smile, gave a careless wave, almost like a salute. ''Hey there, boys. You seen anything dangerous or fun around these parts? That counts AROUND these parts, not this part in particular. This part is so dull, you could cut apathy with a knife if you know what I'm sayin.' You boys OK?'' These boys seemed a bit shocked and paralysed. A young girl twirling a frying pan like a baton, a crazy bandanna and craving for dangerous fun does that. The dull one managed to muster some question on who this odd stranger was. ''Me? I'm a hero for hire, the adventure itself my only reward. I've fought Treebeasts, giant magma monsters and Samurai. I've gone cliff jumping. I can call up a thunderstorm and kick butt. The frying pan is my signature weapon, as treasure to me as that musical monstrosity is to you. I've read the legends and it's time to make my own. I'm Annie B!'' The boys were now paler than her. The one with the harp would be fuming at her for calling his Lady a monstrosity if he wasn't so shocked. The dull, cowardly one probably would have ran if his legs would let him. Annie B grinned like an imp, pleased to have made her mark.

Earl Grey

The stranger hopped down from the tree, and promptly sank into six inches of mud. The ground was thoroughly soaked and had been for some time.

''Hey there, boys. You seen anything dangerous or fun around these parts? That counts AROUND these parts, not this part in particular. This part is so dull, you could cut apathy with a knife if you know what I'm sayin.' You boys OK?'' the stranger asked. Dorian turned to Earl.

"She's talking to us, so that's like a marriage proposal, right?"

"I have a feeling she isn't a follower of Kaz. They don't allow women to climb trees. Has something to do with looking up skirts," Earl replied. The stranger was brandishing a frying pan and had a rather crazed look on her face. Which made her the most interesting thing in this entire place.

"Who are you?"

''Me? I'm a hero for hire, the adventure itself my only reward. I've fought Treebeasts, giant magma monsters and Samurai. I've gone cliff jumping. I can call up a thunderstorm and kick butt. The frying pan is my signature weapon, as treasure to me as that musical monstrosity is to you. I've read the legends and it's time to make my own. I'm Annie B!''

Earl processed this information, and determined that she was probably insane. The combination of her appearance and wild claims left no other plausible option. She looked at the two expectantly and Earl realized that he hadn't answered her question.

"We have only just arrived to the area, we haven't seen anything interesting at all, apart from yourself. The only thing stranger is the vast quantity of mud in the region. My friend and I are mercenaries with the Grey Ghosts. Earl is my name, Dorian is his. If you would quest to find out what is causing everything is so muddy, we would be prepared to reward you," Earl said.

"Keep your gold! I shall do it for the sheer adventure! As certain as my name is Annie B!" she cried, before leaving at high speed. Well, quickly as the mud would allow.

"Do you think she'll actually figure out why it is so muddy?" Dorian asked.

"I haven't the slightest idea," Earl admitted.

Name: Cypher Googlewhack XVII

Age: 20

Appearance: Muscular, bald, 6ft5. Wears a leather apron with a workmans belt containing hammers, screw drivers etc.

Skills: He is a blacksmith and has a beautiful singing voice.

Bio: He was born in Kazoo. His mother died during child birth and his father died of boredom when Cypher was 15. He worships Kazoo (if only half heartedly). He is a fully trained blacksmith but mostly repairs pots and farming tools of late (Kaz does not allow the ownership or production of "Items of Combat").
When he was a child the High Priest of Kazoo heard him singing and wept. He then ordered him to be whipped for his crime. He sings in the private of his forge sometimes.

Name: Klutz Googlewhack

Age: 20

Appearance: 4ft0, shaggy dirty blonde hair

Skills: Tools. He knows his half weight hammer from a pocket decimator.

Bio: Klutz is Cyphers younger brother. He is as his name suggests, incredibly clumsy. Also due to his size he is often getting under peoples feet. He works in the blacksmiths, usually on small simple errands (deliveries, handing Cypher tools, etc). He doesn't even pretend to worship Kazoo but is careful not to offend its believers (A girl nearly took his eye out once).

Dorian

Typical. The only female who would speak to with them in the entire muckheap, and she was a thirteen year old lunatic. While her list of achievements was promising, Dorian refused to believe that this girl had done all that while he and Earl hadn’t seen so much as a diresquirrel.

He sighed heavily. His harp twanged, causing the withered old tree to abruptly sprout new leaved.

“What do we do now?” Dorian asked his companion.
Earl carefully pulled out his map again, and was dismayed to find that the mud had miraculously managed to seep into the parchment. Fruitlessly, the young man tried to wipe the substance away, but it was no use.

“I suppose we should get a room or something. We’re obviously not going to be doing much camping.”

“Can we stay at the castle?”enquired Dorian, perking up.

“I was thinking of a nice, comfortable room at an inn.”

“Oh, please?”

“Fine,” groaned Earl. “We can go look at it, but we are not spending the night there!”

Dorian crowed with joy and started to skip toward the fortress. That is, he tried to skip, and found it rather difficult to do given the terrain.

Cypher

I pushed open the doors at the front of the smithy both to allow customers to see we were open, and to let the hellish heat which spewed forth from the forge. I hefted my hammer and brought it smashing down on a molten pot, returning it to it's proper shape in a single blow. I then threw it into the water vat to quench it.
"Klutz," I called out, my voice still melodic even when shouting. "Mrs Crenshaws pot is finished."
Klutz scuttled into the kitchen, his hair cut into some obscene new fashion.
"Now remember, if she is in, you bow, hand her the bowl, offer your hands palms up and she will pay. If she isn't in leave it by the door and she will drop the coins in later."
"Yes, SIr." He mocked, ripping off a smart salute (and nearly poking his eye out). He turned around (with remarkable grace [he didn't fall over his own feet]), picked up the pot from the water vat and disappeared out of the little smithy.
I kept an eye on him until he disappeared round the bend. Looking up i noticed two men on horseback and what appeared to be a girl armed with a frying pan.
"This place just gets weirder and weirder," i muttered under my breath.

Annie B

She stopped running when she came to the town again.

She knelt to the ground. Now, she thought. Water plus dirt equals mud. Dirt was already there.
The weather was just as painfully ordinary as everything else. So how was Kazoo ground getting so much water?
Mmm... Annie B was no gardener, but she knew that too watery soil was not good for plants.
But the trees seemed to be healthy enough.So maybe there was a certain space of time inbetween the water dosage.

I still need more information, though Annie, I'll talk to someone who knows more than I do.
A very dirty Annie approached what looked like a just as dirty farmer. ''Excuse me, but what do you know about Kazoo ground?'' He gave a confused look. ''Are you a farmer?'' she asked.
''No, outlander. (Here he spat at the ground) There's one.'' He pointed at another man with a dirt speckled finger.
''Thank you.''

Annie B appproached the other man and asked him the same question.
''What do I know about the ground? What about the ground d'ye want to know?' He spoke in a gruff but kind voice.
''Well, sir, the ground is very muddy. We all know this. So the ground must get a good big dosage of water now and then. Can you tell me more about this?''
The man seemed to like her question. He was glad of a chance to talk about things he understood. '
'Ah, yes. The soil gets its wettest-'' He spoke of things like seasons, times, natural elements, what he knew.
You could easily lose him not long after he'd started.
''-And, my girl, the parts with the most vast quantities of mud are over by those hills. See them?''' Annie nodded.
''Gets alot of water over there, though they get the same weather as we do. Don't you head over there, girly. Thugs they are. You seem a nice girl.'' ''And you, sir, are quite a character yourself,'' answered Annie B.
Normally she would add that she was confident in her abilities, but she thought it best to preserve the man's feelings. ''Good day, sir, and my thanks.'

With that, she wandered around a corner. She absent-mindedly twitched her tail.
She was a filthy creature now.
She'd managed to get mud all up her legs, decorating her arms like an abstract art.
Her hands were a bit sticky from climbing the tree. Her hair was a bit musty for the same reason.
She never was afraid of dirt. Certainly beats whatever it is normal girls do.