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Cookiebook II: Electric Boogaloo [be ridiculous]



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Tue Apr 08, 2014 8:11 am
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ScarlettFire says...



(I was tagged? Okay, then.)

Somewhere near Brooklyn Bridge:

ScarlettFire stood in the shadows, eyes on the bus that had abruptly stopped moving. She could see a few faces she know in the windows. @Audy, @Vasticity, @ShadowVyper. Even @Kyllorac was there. Scar was worried; she could see a group of thugs wearing Sesame Street masks. There were threatening the entire bus with letters.

"This isn't good," she muttered, shifting from one foot to the other. Scar turned to look at another person in the shadows. "Go back to the ship. Tell them to prepare for trouble."

The shadowy figure nodded. "Anything else, boss?"

Scar glanced towards the bus again. "Better make it double."

"Yes, cap'n."

The figure darted off and around a corner, leaving Scar to her watching. She stared at the bus, frowning slightly. Scar narrowed her gaze at the bus, tilting her head to one side. All she could do now was wait until her little friend got back to the ship and alerted the others. Perhaps @Karzkin would turn up this time.
"With friends like you, who needs a medical license?" - Paimon, Aether's Heart


“It's easier to ask forgiveness than it is to get permission.” - Grace Hopper.





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Tue Apr 08, 2014 3:25 pm
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eldEr says...



"What in Michael Jackson's name-" Isha stopped, blinking at the girl who'd rammed xem into the sidewalk. Xyr gaze drifted from her to the space behind her, and a sigh was heaved by the hush-hush-pirate. "This is really inconvenient for me, I hope you know."

Isha scrambled to xyr feet and helped the girl up, casually pulling a red pepper bomb from xyr back pocket (which was endless, because robbing Mary Poppins of her precious bag and using that material to fix up xyr pockets was the best decision Isha had ever made), and hucked it at the blob of cookie dough that had been chasing the girl.

"Eat health food, blob!" xe shrieked.

The moment of rage passed, and Isha examined xemself for any further damage. A bruised shoulder was definitely on the list, and-

Xe frowned, lips pushing slightly to one side. "You ripped my dress shirt." A giant hole, right in the left elbow.

The girl blinked up at xem, presumably to stutter an apology, but Isha held up a finger.

"I'm letting you off easy because you were being hunted by cookie dough. You're lucky, though." Xe sighed and extended a hand towards @Laure. "Haven't seen you around here before. I'm Isha. Went AWOL for a while. Could use some information on what in Josh Ramsay's name is going on around here, if you've got any. I, uh, know a safe place to talk."

Space-shuttle-pirate-ships. Girls loved those, didn't they? Dang, Isha sure hoped so. Plus, if the kid squealed, there was always the ice ax.
Guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurl.

got trans?





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Tue Apr 08, 2014 8:40 pm
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CelticaNoir says...



Things exploded.

Celty rushed out of Cookie Monsters Incorporated as the foundations collapsed around her; she felt powdered cement dust her head with aplomb as she navigated around the falling blocks. Finally, she reached the door, somehow pulled it off its hinges and gasped as she fell to her knees in the middle of the pavement.

However, another second had her scrambling to her feet, as an army of Big Bird clones started to march past her, holding signs that displayed 'New York Cookie' on them. After a few moments, the Big Birds began to turn on each other; a chocolate-syrup-fight started. Celty stumbled back as she found herself hit by a particularly large dollop of chocolate syrup.

She started to lick the syrup off her arms, wishing she had some pancakes to eat it with.
I am the workingman, the inventor, the maker of the world's food and clothes.
I am the audience that witnesses history.
- Carl Sandburg, I am the People, the Mob





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Tue Apr 08, 2014 10:25 pm
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Lumi says...



Cookie Monster heard rumbling. He heard bumbling. He heard THUNDER (na na na na nana na nana).

He quickly rose from his cookie bed and watched with horror as his skyscraper crumbled to the ground. As any normal American CEO would do, he checked his phone. Five missed messages.

Rydia: Another bomber. They disabled the AU device somehow.
Rydia: They're about to bomb us. I'm fetching my umbrella.
Rydia: They said they didn't care if I died or not, so I'm ditching this place.
Rydia: LOL check out this video of a cat tasting a cookie for the first time.
Griff: PPL R SHOOTING @ US. NEED U HERE.


Cookie Monster looked up from his phone and touched the window gingerly. The camera pans over his face as he says, "Mother of God."
I am a forest fire and an ocean, and I will burn you just as much
as I will drown everything you have inside.
-Shinji Moon


I am the property of Rydia, please return me to her ship.





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Wed Apr 09, 2014 7:38 pm
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Taxi says...



"Forget spamming half-hearted reviews. I know what I'm going to do today!"

Just then, a violent explosion. Just after just then, Taxi's mouth hangs open as he watches a collapsing skyscraper. The floor of his apartment shakes, pulling shelves piled with nerdy merchandise into the floor. Pictures hanging on the walls stop defying gravity long enough to crack their glass and frame on the pile of nerdy merchandise. The ceiling tiles fall one by one, smashing into Taxi's head repeatedly as he tries to escape them. Finally, the TV falls and its power button is conveniently pressed on the way down.

"...a hostage situation... metropolitan bus... reigniting the age-old discussion: are children's cartoons encoded with subliminal messages that tell your kids to purchase firearms and commit acts of terrorism? This news anchor believes so!

Taxi kneels and picks Mrs. Coat Rack off of the ground. After restoring her black wig and copy paper face, he sits in his computer chair and sighs.

"On second thought, outside is... a very scary place."

He grabs hold of the mouse and wraps an arm around Mrs. Coat Rack.

"Let's just stick to conquering internet forums for now, shall we?"

"Don't touch me," says Mrs. Coat Rack.

And thus, Taxi goes back to reviewing literature, from a respectful distance.





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Wed Apr 09, 2014 8:45 pm
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Lumi says...



Lumi rolled into safety as lasers began firing at his team. More specifically, his team was @Griffinkeeper, Alternate Universe @Rydia, Alternate Universe @Taxi, and Alternate Universe @SuperNintendo. Lumi stopped thinking about the specific members of his team, and returned his thoughts to the deadly shots ringing out through space-cow Space-Carnival.

"Does anyone have eyes on the enemy?!"
"It looks like an assembly of puppets, Stormtroopers, and Redshirts!" shouted @SuperNintendo.
"This could be bad," remarked AU @Taxi.
Lumi jerked his line of sight around, trying to find something that would stop the shooters without requiring him to wield a weapon.

Suddenly, a loud car horn blared through the space-fairgrounds as @chibibo, @Nutty, and @PenguinAttack plowed through the fairgoers, Stormtroopers, Redshirts, and Puppets.

"..." remarked @chibibo. Lumi shot him a thumbs-up.
"Quack!" wailed PenguinAttack, as she unloaded a round of bullets from her sub-machinegun. Team Grif reconvened at the cargo dock of the ship.
"Clearly, we're not popular today," remarked Grif.
"Oi, I'd bugger we're in a sticky wicket, I do." That was AU Rydia. Lumi never understood a word she said unless she was talking about pirates.
"These guys may be tough," shouted Taxi, but he didn't follow it up with a lesser statement. This bothered Lumi on an existential level.
Grif took several steps back, literally shaking in his boots. "Look out! Optimus Prime gone rogue!"
"But they're not as Kawaii as me!" shouted Taxi.
I am a forest fire and an ocean, and I will burn you just as much
as I will drown everything you have inside.
-Shinji Moon


I am the property of Rydia, please return me to her ship.





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Wed Apr 09, 2014 9:51 pm
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Kale says...



Spoiler! :
This will probably be my only post in this. Fair warning.


On the bus

Kyll had a Plan. It was an evil little Plan as all Kyll Plans (TM) were, but not the EVIL kind of evil (that would be horrible); rather, it was a deviously harmless kind of evil, the type that leaves the victims going "Who even THINKS of DOING something like that? And why would you do it? WHY?" or, alternatively, wondering why they didn't come up with the idea themselves.

Now, there's a very important distinction to be made with respect to Kylls and their devising: Plans (capitalized) should never be confused with plans (lowercase). Plans (capitalized) are always evil, whereas plans (lowercase) are more spur-of-the-moment ideas that aren't evil enough for full Plan classification, but amuse a Kyll enough to enact while providing a foundation for future Plans. Tickling Elmo? That was a plan (lowercase). Supplying the demanded ten trucks of cookies?

Now that was a Plan.

The only thing stopping Kyll from executing the Plan was the immense sacrifice required to complete it: Kyll's last box of Tagalongs.

Acquiring ten trucks had been easy. A crowded bus in NYC is guaranteed to have children, and where you have young children, you have toy trucks. Acquiring the ten trucks had required quite a bit of persuading, but Kylls always carry countless snacks for snacking on, and those snacks made for excellent trade currency with the children, though there was this one kid who refused to part with her (admittedly very nice) dump truck until Kyll offered her THREE WHOLE BOXES of chocolate-covered granola bars.

But desperate times called for desperate measures, and Kyll could respect a person who really knew the worth of what they were trading. And so Kyll had made the trade without any hard feelings, gaining not only a very nice dump truck that Kyll would have skipped weeks of lunch for to buy as a kid, but also great amounts of future schadenfreude at the woes of any salesperson or telemarketer who would encounter the girl in the future.

Which only left the "cookies" part of the demand to fill. Which required great sacrifice. Tagalongs were Kyll's favorite Girl Scout cookies, and as such, were precious under ordinary circumstances. But Kyll was down to the last box despite careful rationing after buying out the entire area's stock of Tagalongs, and so the normally precious Tagalongs had been elevated to pricelessness.

But there are some things more valuable than even the last box of Tagalongs, and one of those things was access to a functional restroom when one's bladder is ready to explode. There were people on the bus who really needed to go (Kyll was one of them), and it was fast reaching the point where refusing the Call of Nature would no longer be possible for anyone. Kyll could not allow that to happen.

And so, with a heavy heart, Kyll opened the Last Box of Tagalongs and divided the contents equally among the ten toy trucks, and of each truck, there were granted one and two-fifths cookies, and thus were the ten trucks wheeled forth up the aisle with the assistance of @Audy, @Vasticity, @ShadowVyper, and a volunteer whose name has been lost to time, and thus were the conditions accepted as met by the Elmo-who-wished-to-be-Oscar-but-they-had-run-out-of-masks-and-this-is-known-as-a-result-of-the-tickling-Elmo-plan, and thus were the people of the bus freed to disembark, and thus did Kyll waddle most bladder-heavily through the street to an audience with the Porcelain God, and all was good...

...until a massive wave of whipped cream flooded through the streets and swept the bus and everyone and everysnake who had been on or around it into the East River, which had been transformed into a river of fudge.
Secretly a Kyllorac, sometimes a Murtle.
There are no chickens in Hyrule.
Princessence: A LMS Project
WRFF | KotGR





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Thu Apr 10, 2014 4:47 pm
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cheeb says...



The Volkswagen's tyres screeched as @chibibo swerved into a mostly empty space on the curb, sending a mook with a Guy Smiley mask flying. chibibo shuddered, remembering his childhood nightmares. But there was more going on right now; the demonic figure of the true Guy Smiley would have to wait.

chibibo hopped out, scribbled something on a scrap of paper and handed it to @PenguinAttack. He then took out his wallet and, avoiding a sudden flurry of gunfire, ran to the nearest parking meter and began emptying coins into it.
"Hello!" said the parking meter in a jolly voice.
PenguinAttack unfolded the note, barely noticing that @Nutty had disappeared into the crowd.
яeMeMbeя WHeяe We pAяkeD

"I think your list of priorities is a little skewed," she remarked, ducking behind an abandoned vehicle to avoid the explosion of a grenade that had flown their way. chibibo ignored her and took his receipt. He sprinted back to the car and carefully placed the ticket under the broken windscreen wiper.

"A'right there, chaps?"
A familiar figure was approaching them. chibibo recognised the form of @Rydia instantly and waved, flashing his CRA badge. Rydia squinted at it.
"Well, that there's a right shiny lil' trinket, ain't it? What's 'at for then, eh, wot?"
chibibo lowered his hand, confused. Another figure rolled into a crouching pose behind him; he spun around defensively and fell over on his butt.
"That's not our Rydia," @Lumi explained, pulling chibibo to his feet. "YWS-374 - a parallel dimension to ours - began to collapse on itself about ten minutes ago. Rydia-374, Taxi-374, SuperNintendo-374 and... uh, you-374 were the only ones who got out before the Total Existence Failure."

chibibo jumped onto his car and stared into the chaos. He could see people dressed as Muppets doing very un-Muppety things, people dressed as civilians fleeing the area, people dressed as casualties lying on the ground, people dressed as soldiers firing what appeared to be people dressed as bullets out of people dressed as guns, one person dressed as Sailor Moon for some reason, but there was no sign of anyone who looked like him - not that he would have been able to see one, given that he was about half the height of the average person.
"Yeah, we uh... we lost chibibo-374 a while ago," Lumi said hesitantly. "Kind of a relief, actually. Guy just would not shut up."
chibibo rolled his eyes and shrugged. It was only an AU counterpart - there were plenty more where that came from.

Lumi's yPhoneᵀᴹ beeped in his hand, and he looked down at the screen; chibibo climbed onto his head and followed suit. Rydia-374's went off as well; she glanced down at it, grabbed PenguinAttack by the arm and ran off.
CASS: need reinforcements. get 2 military hq north of ground zero & send help.
"Get to the military HQ? How?" Lumi muttered. "Does @LowKey have any idea what she's asking me to do?"

chibibo opened his car door and tugged on Lumi's jacket. Lumi climbed into the passenger seat.
"It's a nice thought, cheeb," he said, "but look at this place. The roads are all blocked."
chibibo smirked, held out a dictaphone and pressed play.
"- must've been Mr Green who shot the singing telegram!"
Lumi blinked. So did chibibo. He held the fast-forward button for a minute, then pressed play again.
"Five thousand gallons of heated dip, pumped at enormous velocity through a pressurized water cannon!"
"Is that Christopher Lloyd?" Lumi asked, confused. chibibo furiously fast-forwarded the tape again.
"I sang up a storm! And I danced 'till I dropped! The Mamushk- skrkebeebebbebebb I was frozen today! greeebebbbebbrbbebebrrbeeb -oads? Where we're going we don't need... roads."

chibibo's face lit up and he pointed to the dictaphone and nodded. Then, as Lumi sat slightly dumbstruck, he pulled the glovebox open and flicked a switch hidden inside. Without warning, the car shot about five metres into the air and hovered there. Lumi, who had figured out what chibibo was referencing and was now thoroughly unsurprised, looked out the window and just managed to spot Nutty gnawing on a screaming Muppet's mask before chibibo hit the accelerator and the car soared away from the scene of the battle.
the user formerly known as chibibo





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Thu Apr 10, 2014 7:16 pm
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Rydia says...



Spoiler! :
I don't have time for this, but how can I not?


Day off sounded good and Rydia gave Cookie Monster a quick smile as she took down his last sentence. Go eat cookie bonus. That was a directive she could live with. Of course, the problem with Cookie Monster was that he liked to say things he didn't really mean and he meant a lot of things he never actually said. It was unlikely she was going home.

An hour later and Cookie Monster had gone to bed, but Rydia was still in the building. Now that she no longer had anyone to take notes for, the real work could begin.

There was lots to do from answering the customer complaints (Cookie Monster didn't even want to know about those) to choosing a flavour for their newest cookie invention.

"What about peanut butter and bacon?" Rydia asked.

"We did that last month." The person in charge of recipes was @Aquestioning and Rydia had no idea how he remembered everything they'd tried!

She scratched her head and thought about it again, then she leaned in and whispered in Aquestioning's ear.

"Have we tried that?"

"No ma'am."

"Brilliant."

"Should I add peanut butter to that?"

Rydia nodded. "Of course." Personally she didn't know why everyone got so hyped up about the stuff, but apparently the way to make a cookie awesome was to add peanut butter to it.

Then she found out about the bomb. It was a very stressful time for Rydia because she really hadn't signed up for being in charge of a building when crazy people wanted to blow it up. She actually wished that Cookie was around so she could smile and take notes which would never be read by anyone.

Rydia kept Cookie Monster in the loop, but in the end, she decided it was above her position. Maybe she could get a job at McDonalds instead... or anywhere else people didn't try to blow you up.

Rydia stepped out of the building and realised it was the first time she'd left work in weeks. Sleeping in Cookie's office had become a very bad habit and she didn't even want to think about all the milk showers she'd had to put up with because why have running water in the building when you could have milk? Sometimes Cookie was entirely irrational.

"Hey - can I borrow your bike? I'll give you five cookies for it!"
Writing Gooder

~Previously KittyKatSparklesExplosion15~

The light shines brightest in the darkest places.





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Fri Apr 11, 2014 12:25 am
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Lumi says...



Chapter Two
The Literal Fall Of An Empire


Cookie Monster had on a gas mask. The creepy kind like the one everyone's face turned into in that one episode of Doctor Who. Yeah. That one. As he strolled down the dust-billowed street, he opened fire on civilians and narrowed his eyes as he saw @Rydia cycling off in the distance. He would have to take another copy of her from another universe later. But first came the matter of his Empire. The Planet of YWS-Carnival had come close enough to the sun's orbit for his device to reel it in. The planet was roughly the size of the state of Texas, and, as Cookie monster knew, had a planetary core comprised entirely of cookie dough.

Cookie Monster activated his Alternate Universe device outside of his high-rise building and entered the instantly-repaired door, which swished like a space-door, though not to be confused with a space-door, hesitated three and one-quarter seconds before swishing closed--a delay that, in space, would be an annoyance.

The elevator music was silly and rhythmic, and Cookie Monster shot the speakers out using his machinegun. On the top level of his office sat The Button. He approached, entered the release key-code, and watched as the latch covering the button securely opened with a hiss.

"Yesterday belongs to the dinosaurs. Today belonged to the humans. Tomorrow belongs to me!" He slammed his fist on the button, releasing a wave of inconceivable energy throughout New York Cookie. There was a great incandescence of green light over the Atlantic Bay, and suddenly, an unspeakably large landmass appeared where the ocean had been. Cookie Monster began to cackle madly.

The elevator opened, and out poured an AU @SuperNintendo, AU @Audy, AU @ScarlettFire, AU @niteowl, AU @Tenyo, and a man who looked like Peter Pettigrew.

"Anti-Cookie Task Force Omega is too late to stop me master plan!" Cookie Monster roared in hardy laughter. "Watch as your world changes forever!"

MEANWHILE IN YWS-SPACE

Lumi was enjoying @chibibo's radio. It was mostly mashups of pop artists and music from Sonic games, but who would complain about that? Lumi opened his mouth to remark on how enjoyable it was, but stopped when an eerie green light filled the sky, kinda like the sky in Shadowmoon Valley in World of Warcraft. That place is hella scary--but, right. The sky. Lumi and @chibibo's space-truck stopped zooming forward and was instantly teleported back to the carnival, in the exact spot where they'd left. @chibibo looked worried, what with the gunfire and rogue Optimus Prime attacking their friends, but Lumi noted something much more terrifying on the horizon line.

"EARTH HO!"

@Nutty shot her head up to protest his name-calling, but caught sight of the incoming planet.

Everyone braced for impact, but no one was ready for what would years later be called Planet Lag.
I am a forest fire and an ocean, and I will burn you just as much
as I will drown everything you have inside.
-Shinji Moon


I am the property of Rydia, please return me to her ship.





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Fri Apr 11, 2014 1:56 pm
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Bloo says...



In another, much more boring, alternate universe SuperNintendo, also just known as Ryan, sat at a desk and looked at his screen with dead eyes. The clocked ticked and ticked as people sat and worked around him, inane conversation that was only inane because he wasn't part of it, and as a result very bitter.

"Ryan, what are you doing?" Asked the English teacher, but AU SuperNintendo didn't know what to say, so he ran instead. Laptop in hand he sprinted out of the room---

oh never mind the period is over. See ya later losers, I gotta go to class, thanks for the distraction
That User Who Changed Their Name A Dozen Times And So No One Ever Knew Who They Were Half the Time and When They Did Only Used Bolt.

The tragic tale of losing all #Brand for nothing in return.

The Take Away Is You Probably Know Me As Bolt





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Fri Apr 18, 2014 7:19 am
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Lumi says...



Verily had a week passed since the fall of Planet Carnival, and Cookie Monster had set up an empire using building-sized Optimus Primes as warriors of a relentless army. Hence did Cookie Monster build three walls, each fifty meters tall and ten meters thick; the walls were built equidistant from one another: the Inner Wall, Wall @Rydia, housed The Royalty. The second wall, Wall @Rosey%20Unicorn, otherwise known as Wall Rosey, housed a third of the population. The third wall, Wall @Audy, was the outermost defense against the forces of the world that would see Cookie Monster's empire crumble.

However, all hope was not lost! In the peasant village of Copyright Pending, a band of heroes of varying sizes and attendance prepared to launch a Coup, destroying each wall of Cookie Monster's empire, defeating the three Goddesses (Rydia, Rosey, and Audy), and dethroning the King.

Therefore, our story continues as Coup captain Lumi Ackerman met in the basement of @Jagged's home with his most trusted advisors: @Nutty, @chibibo, @Iggy, @SuperNintendo, @fireheartedkaratepup, @Baal, @Taxi, and the Titan Shifter, @AriaAdams.

Lumi Ackerman placed his sword on the meeting table and stared at his band of anti-heroes. "Today, we bear the wings of freedom! Today we launch our assault on the Goddess of The Third Wall, @Audy!" His eyes were solemn. "Few of us will survive this. Even fewer will see the future we so desperately desire. But be it known that we fight with courage and honor! For humanity!"
I am a forest fire and an ocean, and I will burn you just as much
as I will drown everything you have inside.
-Shinji Moon


I am the property of Rydia, please return me to her ship.





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Fri Apr 18, 2014 7:38 am
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fireheartedkaratepup says...



Flustered, pup leaps to her feet, barking excitedly. She's still not entirely sure what all the commotion's about, but excitement! adventure! Supporting comrades in arms!

...what? Did you think (and just because she fell asleep during the meeting!) the little pup to be entirely helpless? Oh, dear. No. See, this little pup has a biiiig secret.

When her friends are threatened, she becomes someone else.
She becomes.... something.... else.
She becomes.....

THE PUPATOR.

(And the pupator stands ready to assist.
.....who are we attacking, again?)

Spoiler! :
sorry if this is not good i've decided to try and not overthink things and stuff
"Ok, Lolpup. You can be a girl worth fighting for."
--Pengu








I lingered round them, under that benign sky: watched the moths fluttering among the heath and harebells, listened to the soft wind breathing through the grass, and wondered how any one could ever imagine unquiet slumbers for the sleepers in that quiet earth.
— Emily Bronte, Wuthering Heights