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Persecution-

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Tue Jul 12, 2011 2:09 am
sylverdawn says...



The Beginning of the story.

Character Profiles first:
DANCE- Like no-one is watching
LOVE- Like you've never been hurt
SING- Like no-one is listening
LIVE- Like it's heaven on earth.

Please read and review my novel. The title is Fireborn. Here's the link.

novel.php?id=1157




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Tue Jul 12, 2011 8:20 pm
sylverdawn says...



Character Profiles.
Main protaganist: Rhyder (Birthname- Reseph Ilai Talmanos)
Supporting protaganist: Seiya Breeade


Name: Rhyder (his birth name is Reseph Ilai Talmanos)

Age: 19

Gender: male

Title: Technically the son of the ruling Emperor of Ilaseph, but Rhyder is an outcast whom the government would happily kill if they learned he was alive. At least that's what he thinks.

Appearance: Short light brown hair, his eyes are a strange blue-purple color. Tall and broadshouldered with a birth mark over his heart. Can often be found whering a blue bandana. Strangely whenever he uses his magic his eyes turn a pale glowing yellow.

((See "paint" file Persecution- Rhyder))

Personal History: Rhyder was born a Taker style mage. Takers are born with little to no personal magic, but with the inate ability to absorb it from the aether around them. Kind of like a black hole. As they age, the 'resevoir' of magical power they can draw on continues to grow. Until around age 20 when it begins to exceed that of almost all other mages.

Nowadays all Taker mages are put to death, since in the past some of them went bad and sucked the magic right out of the other mages, along with their lives. His father is the current ruling Emperor of Ilaseph, and when he learned his son was a Taker he tried to have the then infant Rhyder killed. Rhyder's life was saved by his human nursemaid who smuggled him out of the palace. She fled the country, and hid with him in the slums of Tenoar's capital. Raising him as her own with all the love in her heart.

Rhyder grew up with the constant edict to NEVER use his powers in front of others. As a small child he started stealing in order to earn money for his family and quickly became a high ranking member of Ta'Sya criminal element. He became known as the 'Thief Prince', ironic considering his bloodline. His adoptive mother died three/four years ago and he treasures his memories of her.

Seiya is Rhyder's best friend and has been since they were small children. Rhyder is already half in love with her though he'd never admit it. When Seiya is kidnapped Rhyder decides to chase after her and rescue her. Even though he knows it's a death sentence if they find out he's a Taker. Rhyder is willing to destroy his own life for her.

Personality - Strengths: Loyal and intense Rhyder will do anything to protect the people he cares about. Fiercely proud, reckless and independent. Rhyder is very headstrong, once he sets a course of action NOTHING will make him waver from it. Raised by and among humans he has more in common with them than with his own kind. Rhyder sees himself as a human not a mage.

Personality - Weaknesses: Rhyder has huge problems with authority figures, he obeys no law but his own conscience, and would love nothing more than to see all the egotistical mages brought down to earth. He can be rather vindictive and makes a ruthless foe but because of his single mindedness Rhyder is rather easy to trick into going after the wrong person.

Area of magic: Rhyder has trained and manifested his abilities into an Elemental style of magic. The technical term is Atmokinesis. Which is further divided into five categories. Aerokinesis, Electrokinesis, Hydrokinesis, Geokinesis, and Pyrokinesis. The ability to control wind, lightning, water, earth, and fire respectively.

Although he can and does cast others spells and use different magics. Rhyder prefers to stick to his own specialty. Which is quite rare in itself. Rhyder's powers are self-trained, and thus difficult for him to control. Magically speaking, things frequently blow up in his face, sometimes literally.

other: As a child Rhyder wanted to make Seiya smile, knowing her love of music he taught himself how to play many instruments. Nowadays Rhyder can often be found playing a harmonica. He also has a large sand cat that he raised and stays with him. He named the cat Cifta. (Sand Cat's are basically desert lions, Cifta is mildly disabled but still incredibly deadly.)

Think of Rhyder in terms of the Wild Card. He is willing to take out anyone Mage or human if it means protecting Seiya.
-------------------

Name: Seiya Breaade (Seiya's name means 'Hope')

Age: 17

Gender: female

Occupation: dancer/performer

Appearance: Her hair is a dark black color, her skin is a very light color for the desert. Seiya was born with bi-chromatic eyes, meaning one is blue and one is red. She's small and pretty and always has a smile on her face.

see "paint" file Persecution- Seiya... except unlike the pictures her hair is black not brown

Personal History: Born in the slums of Ta'sya all her life Seiya loved music and wanted to dance. She learned by watching street perfomers and inn entertainment. When she was four Seiya tripped and skinned her knee, while she was crying an older boy came and bandaged the cut then held her hand and walked her home. That was Rhyder, and Seiya has adored him ever since.

As she got older Rhyder would occasionally sneak her into fancy mage palaces so she could watch the dancers there. And now Seiya is acclaimed as one of the most beautiful and talented dancers in the city if not the country.

Seiya was orphaned at a young age and her only strong attachment is to Rhyder. When Seiya learned Rhyder had a bounty on his head, she wanted him to stop stealing. But they still needed money to survive. So Seiya stole jewels from the mages who hired her. And like a clumsy amatuer she got caught.

They were going to imprison or execute her but Rhyder took the blame. Only the brilliant plan backfired when the Guard arrested them both.

Personality - Strengths: Sweet, shy and a little withdrawn in her personality, Seiya is none the less highly observant of her surroundings. As a child of the slums she grew up knowing the signs of a trap or ambush, but that's about the extent of her survival skills, she's always had Rhyder to protect her. She also has a rather bold sharp tounged side that sneaks up on her at times.

Personality - Weaknesses: Due to the circumstances of her childhood she is highly dependent on Rhyder and her other friends, and doesn't function very well without them.

other: Seiya helped Rhyder raise Cifta and when they are seperated Rhyder uses the sand cat to track her at times..
DANCE- Like no-one is watching
LOVE- Like you've never been hurt
SING- Like no-one is listening
LIVE- Like it's heaven on earth.

Please read and review my novel. The title is Fireborn. Here's the link.

novel.php?id=1157




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Thu Jul 14, 2011 4:15 am
FinalFreedom says...



I'll post up my profiles in a minute, but firstly here's the map:

Image

As well, here is the outline we agreed on (with a few added things that you can yell at me for if you don't like them! :P )

It all begins in Tal'Sya, capital of Tenoar. Keleven, Rhyder, and Seiya have all been brought as prisoners into incarceration awaiting penalty. Ilaseph, one of the three other countries, and home to the Rhyder's father (its Emperor), has long since been plotting war against both Tenoar, Liadna, and Rakul while in an alliance with the northern country of Hakoren. When the three are brought to Tenoar Imperial Prison, word is received from Ilaseph that a fugitive bearing the magic power of being able to steal magic from sources around him or herself (a "Taker") is wanted by the Emperor, a mistake is made when they learn that there is also a girl. In short, they take Seiya instead of Rhyder.

Rhyder's protective instincts turn on and he enlists the help of Kel ("you help me I'll help you"), and together the two of them follow the Imperial Highway to Ilaseph in search of Seiya. Once they reach Ilaseph, Kel travels in alone to a tavern while Rhyder stays outside of the city to avoid detections. Kel then learns from word-of-mouth that the Emperor had captured a "Taker" and had set sail North towards Rakul, and also learns of the Bounty upon Rhyders head. Knowing that the Imperial Trade Route would be followed, Kel returns to Rhyder where he fills him in on the situation, and the pair agree that traveling along the Imperial Highway would be too much of a risk and choose the dangerous path of venturing through Shadow Wood.

While in Shadow Wood, the pair run into a band of Nomads who take them captive. It is then that Rhyder and Kel meet a very powerful ally: Xirael Li'Fahzil, leader of the Nomads. Xirael holds the two captive for a number of days, all the while believing that they are spies for the emperor who have been sent to locate and alert the Nomads location. Tensions rise between Kel and Rhyder as they are prisoner, as Kel unavoidably falls in love with Xirael and works to gain her trust, even if it means breaking Rhyders. After much prodding, Xirael finally believes Kel when he explains to her their mission, and tells Kel her origin as the rightful heir to Liadna and why she is hiding in Ilaseph. Xirael informs them that if the girl were taken North by boat, a major stop along the way would be in Lorrad, export capital of Liadna. She agrees to provide Rhyder and Kel with supplies and horses, but refuses to accompany the two under the pretense that "she owes them nothing".

Rhyder and Kel continue to the last known source of Moonstone (one of the richest resources), a volcano settled along the Imperial Highway. Along the way, tensions settle between the two and they begin to grow closer. However, when the pair arrive, they are greeted by an unknown foe that recognizes Rhyder from posters and scouts who search for him continuously. They prove to be a dangerous one, as Rhyder and Kel are far out numbered and ditch their powers in an effort to appear inconspicuous. When things take a turn for the worse, Rhyder realizes he has to use his power to save himself and Kel, but is stopped just before he can as Xirael and her band ride in and save them.

From there, Rhyder and Kel are accompanied by Xirael alone, who leads them into Liadna and across the Southern Plains towards Lorrad. Once they grow close, Xirael gives specific instruction to the two boys and rides off towards the Northern Plains, with "work to accomplish". Rhyder and Kel quickly make their way to Lorrad in search of the Seiya.

Once they are there, Rhyder and Kel work hard to stay hidden in a city now overrun with Ilasaphian Guard, which forces them to stay in the city longer than expected. They search mercifully but cannot find any signs of Seiya. Kel eventually poses as a sailor and learns the one thing neither of them wanted to: the boat had long left the harbor. In the midst of the despair, they also learn one key piece of information: the boat had already left Roka, Rakul's export capital, and was now destined towards the capital of Hakoren: Evenis.

Rhyder and Kel quickly leave Lorrad and travel to the rendezvous point with an unhappy Xirael. When she learns of the continuation of the journey, she offers her services in exchange for theirs. She would need something from Quvarne, capital of Liadna. Kel is quick to oblige, but all Rhyder can think of is the delay between getting to Seiya.

Once they are in the city, Xirael leads them to the castle where she splits off from the two. Rhyder and Kel stage a distraction, allowing enough time for Xirael to snatch the papers proving her heritage and make an attempt to get out. However, in the heat of the moment, Xirael makes a critical mistake: she admits to someone who offers to "help" that she is with the two causing the disturbance, and is thus forth taken. After realizing that she wasn't going to return, Rhyder forces Kel out of the city and they continue on their journey.

With Xirael now being captured and the Ilasaphian Guard now aware of Kel's involvement, Rhyder and Kel are forced to make their way through the Northern Plains towards Hakoren. It does not prove difficult, however, and they arrive ahead of schedule. There they find the Imperial Highway blocked off by Ilasaphian Guard checking every person and wagon going through. Knowing that in order for Rhyder to get through, Kel gives himself up and sets the guards off course.

Rhyder continues his journey North through the Kasa Mountain Range after successfully evading the guard. It proves difficult without horses and minimal supplies, but Rhyder manages to enlist the assistance of fellow travelers along the way to not only keep him fed, but to also keep him hidden and safe along the way. After a short time, he and his band reach "The Roof Of Heaven", the highest point in the entire mountain range. Here, he overhears guards talking of the goings on in Evenis, and learns that an Ilasaphian ship carrying a "delicate" passenger had arrived and that she was being held there in wait for another capture. After hearing more, Rhyder's fire is re-lit, and using his master thief ways, he pirates a horse and wagon from a wealthy man and hastens his road to Evenis.

All the while, Kel is held alongside Seiya in Evenis. He assures her that Rhyder is indeed coming whenever the guard is absent, and that they soon will be free. However, the Emperor throws in a twist that neither Kel nor Rhyder would expect.

Rhyder, growing close to Evenis, is eventually apprehended along the highway by Ilasaphian Guard. Despite a long battle that seemed favorable to him, the guards manage to capture Rhyder and transport him to Evenis, although behind bars. Along the way, he is told that his new found friend, Kel, had betrayed him in a last ditch effort to obtain that which he had never had. His parents, now followers and aid to Rhyder's father, had shown up and used a "normal life" as bait to get Kel to turn on Rhyder, which he inevitably did.

Now in prison once more, Rhyder is reunited with Seiya, who is thrilled to see him. Both alienate themselves from Kel, who had traded their freedom for a proper childhood. It does not take long, however, before the real motive behind Ilaseph is known.

After being transported to Ilaseph by boat, Kel learns that his parents had staged a coo and had not actually wanted anything but to get Rhyder to the emperor. Realizing his mistake, Kel kicks himself for being foolish and losing all of Rhyder and Seiya's trust.

Soon after, Rhyder is reunited with his estranged father who, instead of slitting his throat, tells him and Kel of his master plan. They are to fight for him in a war against Tenoar, Liadna, and Rakul. When prompted, he explains the significance of having both a Taker and a Null on his side, and how he would be invincible. However, in order to force both Kel and Rhyder to agree to his terms, the Emperor takes Seiya and reveals that he has Xirael. Both are held towards certain death, causing both of the boys to reluctantly agree. Siya and Xirael are granted one last night with Kel and Rhyder, then taken away.

The last battle then takes place upon the Southern fields of Liadna. Combined with Hakoren, Ilaseph's army is far larger and greater in potency than Liadna, Tenoar, and Rakul combined. Never the less, the battle begins with Kel and Rhyder being used as puppets. After long hours of battle, Kel and Rhyder manage to break free of their captors after an unexpected Siege hits their battalion. Together, Kel and Rhyder put their past behind them and pull together to assassinate the Emperor's of Ilaseph and Hakoren, thusforth saving the land from a brutal war encased with numerous casualties, and saving both Seiya and Xirael.

From there, a story saved for another day, the heroes Kel and Rhyder split apart. Kel follows Xirael to Quvarne, and after helping her reclaim her rightful place as Queen of Liadna, the two wed. And Rhyder? Well, he takes his rightful place as Emporer of Ilaseph with Seiya at his side. All history books telling of his love for Seiya and their inevitable romance were lost in an "accidental fire".
Anti-Peta.

"In Vabbi , I was ambushed by six of them! They wielded blunt wooden sticks and were hissing at me about overdue fines... Bandits? Oh, no. These were library envoys."

-- Vael/Nathanael, Guild Wars: Eye of the North




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Fri Jul 15, 2011 4:12 am
FinalFreedom says...



Name: Kelevan Tal’Vaenith (Kel for short. His birth name given to him by his parents however is Tavin Ilai’Vormi)

Age: 20

Gender: Male

Title: Raised as nothing but a village boy, Kel was raised under the title of “hunter”. However, his real parents are high ranking nobles in the Tenoar hierarchy, therefore making him nobility.

Appearance: [url http://media.mobango.com/m/655n_Cfch9ss ... 599450.jpg ]Blue eyes, not black.[/url]

Personal History: Although Kel was raised in the small village of Foustine in Tenoar, he was actually born in an unknown location. His complexion is very similar to those born and raised in Ilaseph, so he has nothing to believe but that Ilaseph is where he was born.

Kel's parents are both high ranking mages, making it even more rare for them to bear a magicless child. That was however the case when his mother conceived Kel. Expecting him to be a high powering mage, Kel's parents were extremely surprised to find that by the age of 4, Kel had not developed any magic abilities. To any normal parent, it would be a hard decision, but to Kel's it was like taking a walk in the park: his parents traveled with him for miles and days until they found a small, quaint village where they knew they would not be recognized, and left him.

Kel spent only a day in a desert like meadow before he was found by a man who at first mistook him for prey before he got a closer look. Upon inspection, the man took Kel back to his home, and soon after adopted him. Raised in a household with 5 boys and only 1 girl, Kel fit in well. He was taught how to hunt, track and cook, all the while acting more so as an unpaid labor boy than an adopted child.

As he grew, Kel began to obtain the Null's ability. Not that he noticed, of course, but the local low powered mages, as well as the Village Lord, for some reason hated him, as he "always disrupted their casting".

Shortly after the second youngest of the four boys, Brip, came of age to begin his blacksmith training, he also decided that trickery and ill-mannered pranking was to be his forte. Every time he was caught, or someone raised suspicion, Kel was blamed. When the local butcher offered Kel a position in his store as main hunter as well as permanent lodging, Kels' adoptive family realized that they could not continuously allow Kel to take the fall for Brip's behavior. Not only that, they realized that Kel was now old enough to live in his own home and start his own family. Not wanting to lose the most valuable asset the family had, they soon served up a cold, hard dish of "pay us back" to Kel in the form of a wedding proposal to their daughter, Bronwyn, whom Kel had grown up with and considered a sister - and he was given no choice in the matter.

Personality - Strengths: Kel is extremely level headed and hard to anger. He has a way with words and can talk himself out of almost any situation, and is always willing to help those he is close to, no matter the cost. Kel is also extremely biddable, making him easy to be led by others, and is also an excellent listener. Kel is also not easily fooled. In times of trouble, Kel is an excellent person to have around.

Personality - Weaknesses: Kel can be extremely stubborn. While it is an asset that may help in various situations, it can also be a burden. Once his mind is set on what he wants and his course of action to get there, that it all he sees. Kel also can lack in self confidence, leading to many times where he will doubt himself, which could potentially lead to disasters. Kel is a horrible leader. Kel's sense of humor can also be hazardous; he doesn't always know when to stop. Kel can also tend to think more so with his heart than with his head. Not to mention, Kel can sometimes be rather whiny.

Area of Magic: Kel, unknowing of his own ability, was never brought up around nor trained in magic, as all of the village mages ignored him. Little does he know, however, he has a very strong Null ability which can project some magical attacks back a very very short distance, but he can also completely block out attacks on the mind. Kels radius is about 100m around him.

Despite his magic ability, Kel is extremely skilled in the area of Hunting and Tracking, making him a valuable asset to parties venturing through forests or across vast plains. He is skilled with a bow, and has been taught how to fight with a bow staff. Wielding bladed weapons, however, is a whole other spectrum.

Other: Kel is always wearing a necklace that his mother left as a parting gift when she and her father deserted him. Believing that it would one day lead him to them, Kel never takes it off, and the thought of losing it would drive him mad. Kel also has a keen sense with animals, except for those of the feline variety. He can easily get the most difficult horse to allow him to ride it.

-----

Name: Xirael Li'Fahzil

Age: 26

Gender: Female

Title: Raised as the sole heir to the throne of Liadna by her late mother, Xirael is set to become Queen,

Appearance: [url http://www.videogamesblogger.com/wp-con ... enshot.jpg ]As seen here.[/url]

Personal History: Xirael was born shortly after her father was killed by corsairs while making a peace visit to Rakul. It was a difficult time for her and her mother, as Xirael as not expected to be a girl, and although they had a nursemaid to help raise her from babe to young woman, Xirael's mother did not feel at all comfortable leaving her daughter alone to sit on the throne.

Xirael's mother had been wed into the monarchy, so she had no blood relatives to turn to that would aid her, as the King left no parents or siblings behind. The Queen was forced to turn to her brother, whom assumed role as the Steward of Liadna while Xirael was being raised. However, this turned out to be futile as her brothers eldest son, Dasen, grew power hungry and demanded he be given the title Prince for all he was doing for Liadna. The Queen refused as he was not even a soldier nor a servant, he just simply sat and ate their food, which drove Dasen mad enough to run from the castle and his family.

Thanks to her Uncle, Xirael was raised into a fine young woman. At the youngest age possible, she was taught how to ride and how to "whisper" to horses. She had always shown an affinity for being of Royal blood, as well as for ruling. Dasen, who kept a close eye on her at all times, grew mad with temptation that he would not gain the throne when the Queen died. He soon came out of hiding and revealed himself to Xirael, who did not remember him as she was very young when he left, and swooned her into a romance. He had since changed his appearance, causing the Queen and Xirael's Uncle to be completely not suspicious.

Two years passed by, and the fake romance lingered. It took as long as Dasen would let it, and when their relationship had hit the final stage, Dasen informed Xirael that their relationship was not orthodox and would not be permitted unless they were wed. Xirael agreed, and took Dasen to her mother and uncle to announce an engagement, however, what happened there was not what she expected.

Upon audience with the Queen and Steward, Dasen revealed to them his true identity and proceeded to take the lives of both his father and the Queen of Liadna. His plan failed, however, when he did not take Xirael's life first and she was able to escape the castle. At the sight of her running, Dasen accused her of committing the crimes, and took over the throne with ease.

Xirael fled with her horse and few guardsmen that believed her above Dasen to Ilaseph, where in the Shadow Wood they created a new home for themselves as Nomads, attracting more people to their cause.

Personality - Strengths: Xirael is very courageous and decisive. She is very honest with everyone she meets and does not hold back. She is always willing to lend a hand and will always be willing to take the more dangerous route instead of the more cautious route.

Personality - Weaknesses: Xirael can sometimes be too blunt, and can tend to be very reliant on those surrounding her. Despite her willingness to go beyond duty, she sometimes cannot recognize how far is too far and pushes herself past the point of oblivion. She also has a tendency to be very pretentious.

Area of Magic: Although Xirael was raised to rely mostly on her weaponry and armor, she is an excellent wielder of the Earth element. Completely in tune with the land around her, Xirael can easily shift the landscape around them to camouflage the group, as well as send projectiles towards enemies in order to incapacitate them.

Other: Xirael has three steeds of choice: Moonshire, Taunis, and Shadewing. Taunis and Shadewing are the two steeds that she gives to Kel and Rhyder for their journey. Here are their images:

Taunis: [url http://www.google.ca/imgres?imgurl=http ... =103&ty=82 ]Here[/url]

Shadewing: [url http://www.google.ca/imgres?imgurl=http ... ,r:8,s:158 ]Here[/url]
Last edited by FinalFreedom on Tue Jul 19, 2011 5:10 am, edited 1 time in total.
Anti-Peta.

"In Vabbi , I was ambushed by six of them! They wielded blunt wooden sticks and were hissing at me about overdue fines... Bandits? Oh, no. These were library envoys."

-- Vael/Nathanael, Guild Wars: Eye of the North




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Sat Jul 16, 2011 9:13 am
sylverdawn says...



Alright, I'll post my idea of the plot and we can get started in a few days once my cold's cleared up. Of the horses they get from Xirael, Rhyder would like to own Taunis. Also it is DREAMstone, not moonstone.

And I found one small flaw with Kel's profile more of a technicality. Kel's birthname. Ilai is the extension for the Ilaspephian Imperial family. If that's Kel's birthname that would make him not just Ilasephian nobility but related to Rhyder, who we agreed is his familys sole remaining heir. Also is Kel an Ilasephian or Tenoaran noble. ??Confusing??

One other thing. Of the countries which ones are largely populated by humans, which are dominated by mages? Here's my take.

Ilaseph- Population Majority: Mage, minority of humans largely comprised of foreigners or humans that have managed to pretend to have magic.
Tenoar- Population Majority: Human, the mage minority makes up the ruling class and aristocracy. They tend to breed only within their own lines to keep the blood 'pure'.
Liadna- Population Majority: Human/Mage, the numbers of the two races pans out about equally in this country.
Hakoren- Population Majority: Mage, due to a generations long alliance with Ilaseph this country has picked up many of their customs. Including how they deal with human children.
Rakul- Population Majority: Unimportant, Rakul plays no signifcant part in the book/series other then a place on the map and an occasional mension.

Here's my take on the plot. Read it over and then we can work out any compromises.

After Rhyder's nurse hid with him in the slums he had a somewhat unorthodox childhood. Especially for a crown prince. Growing up wild in the streets of Ta'cya he answered to nothing but his own will. He had the kind of freedom few, if any, people ever have. And he reveled in it. But he was also careful to never use his magic unless he was positive he was alone. His best friend Seiya was the only one Rhyder shared his 'secret' with.

When he was eight/nine his "mother" grew ill and Rhyder started stealing to make money for her. The young boy quickly discovered that not only did he have a talent for the craft but he liked it. As the years passed he made a name for himself as a Master Thief. One of the best in the city. Eventually his mother finally sucumbed to her sickness and died. The reason he began stealing no longer existed, but he didn't stop.

Over the years Rhyder had become a true thief. He stole for the joy of it. He never made a show unless he wanted to be seen. And he never ran before he got what he came for. Ultimately though he ticked off one too many nobles and they put a bounty on his head (Possibly because he would occasionaly doodle on their sleeping faces with an ink pen on his way out of their 'secure' mansions).

The bounty of course led to Seiya's bungled jewel heist. Which Rhyder took the blame for. The guards immidiately clapped them both in irons. Well aware that they would never be able to catch the Thief Prince otherwise. The duo were taken to the Prison a few days ride from the city and placed down the hallway from Kel (What was he arrested for again).

Somehow the guards had figured out that the Thief Prince and the Taker were one and the same person. But the reports on Seiya and Rhyder were mixed up and they thought she was the Master Thief. They quickly took Seiya away, and when she realized the goof up had occured she went along with it to buy Rhyder some time. The Guards took her north toward Illaria that same day.

Well it doesn't take Rhyder long to realize the guards aren't bringing Seiya back. First he panics, then he gets angry. Rhyder uses some of his abilities as a Taker to 'feed' off the magic powering the wards in the prison. The ones that shackle the prisoners magics. This immidiately triggers a riot/mass break out. Only, unlike the others, Kel still can't get out of his cell.

When Rhyder goes charging by he recognizes him. Kel tells Rhyder he heard the guards say the 'Taker' is being escorted north to the border. Kel offers to help and Rhyder breaks him out. After ransacking the Warden's office for information. The two detour back to Ta'cya for supplies and set off along the imperial highway.

Rhyder figures out Kel is a null pretty quickly. Since among other things he is inadvertantly strangling Rhyder's ability to feed off of magic. And the young Taker begins to slowly starve to death. This problem is solved when he goes off for a 'walk' every night outside Kel's range.

When they reach the capital of Illaria Rhyder is forced to tell Kel who he is (I'll leave it to you how he reacts) . After disguising himself by dying his hair and skin darker colors they sneak into the city together. The duo decide the only place that's guaranteed to have information on Seiya's whereabouts is the Emperor's study and his private papers. Since by this point they've learned it was Rhyder's father who orchestrated the botched kidnapping. Rhyder assumes, in typically paranoid fashion, that it's to finally kill him. As he is nearing his twentieth birthday, the age when it becomes all but impossible for ordinary mages to compete with a Taker. Even an untrained one.

They almost get caught but they get the information, and also learn the bounty on Rhyder has been increased and spread across all five countries. Although the boys are baffled at the 'to be captured alive' stipulation. They agree the Highway is too dangerous and decide to cross country. And are captured by nomads in Shadow Wood. As Kel romances Xirael Rhyder grows steadily more angry and worried. Rhyder's emotions run higher then ever as he aproaches his Change, his twentieth birthday.

When Xirael finally releases them. She suggests that they look in the Liadnan city of Lorrad for information as the ship transporting Seiya likely stopped there for supplies. Xirael also gifts them with top bred steeds from the plains of Liadna and with the horses they make much better time then they did on foot.

On the way to the Liadna/Ilaseph border the two make a detour to Ilaseph's Dreamstone mine, located at the base of an active volcano. Rhyder has heard stories about the mistreatment the human slave workers suffer all his life. And is determined to see it with his own eyes. The site is just as bad as he had heard. And the noose tightens as local pursuers and soldiers track them. The boys are hampered by their descicion to not use magic. Xirael rides to their rescue just before they're forced to use their powers.

Xirael travels with them and parts when they near Lorrad. After days of searching in the port city Rhyder discovers, to his bitter dissapointment, that Seiya's ship has already sailed and is now bound for the capital of Hakoren: Evenis. The city that lies at the northern tip of the continent.

When they meet back up with Xirael she offers to help them further with their quest if they will aid hers. Rhyder chafes at the further delay but agrees reluctantly. Deciding that Seiya can't get any further away then Evenis. This necessitates a detour to Liadna's capital. Where they stage a distraction (A bit nebulous but we can work out the details if we ever get to this point) while Xirael breaks into the castle. However their intrepid princess fails to show up at the meeting place.

Kel wants to stay and wait for his beloved. But Rhyder eventually talks him into moving forward. Pointing out that Xirael knows where they are going and that she can take care of herself while Seiya most assuredly cannot. On their way out of the city they hear people talking about the Taker and the Null in the same sentence. And realize that people now know about Kel as well as Rhyder.

They make good time but reach Hakoren's border to find it blocaded. Kel makes himself into a decoy allowing Rhyder to sneak past. Alone in the mountains Rhyder begins to despair. He contemplates giving up but his survival instincts are just too strong. And he stubbornly continues north. Eventually Rhyder reaches the 'Roof of Heaven' where he catches word that Seiya is indeed in Evenis. Dangling like bait on a hook for Rhyder.

His will reignited Rhyder 'commandeers' a horse and supplies and makes his way north as swiftly as he can. Just days from Evenis Rhyder is waylaid by a group of soldiers and several mages. This battle also falls on Rhyder's twentieth birthday and he experiences the Change. A time of awakening when a Taker finds all the worlds magic open to them, where before he could only dip a cup into that ocean of power Rhyder found he could now command the ocean itself.

The battle goes well for him but Rhyder is eventually felled beneath the twin onslaughts of the enemy assault and the overload of so much magical power. He collapses and is taken into custody. On the way to Evenis the commanding officer gloats claiming that Kel had given Rhyder up when he learned his own parents were allied with the Emporer.

When they reach Evenis Rhyder is at last reunited with Seiya and FINALLY admits he's in love with her. When Rhyder confronts his estranged father he is shocked to find the man expressing affection to him rather then trying to slit his throat. However Rhyder sees through the deception and his father eventually confesses the whole twisted plot. How he is going to declare war on Roka, Liadna and Tenoar. And how having a Taker would give him an unnasailable advantage, that when he learned a Null was travelling with Rhyder it was like a gift from the gods.

Though they are still fighting with eachother Kel and Rhyder are in complete agreement on not giving in. Until the Emporer (We really need to come up with a name for the guy don't we?) threatens Seiya's life and reveals he has Xirael as well. The boys agree to be used like weapons with a great deal of resentment.

After one last night with their respective loves the boys go south with the Emporer and Hakoren's army. Meeting up with Ilaseph's army on the plains of Liadna. The girls are left behind in Evenis, far out of the boys reach. But they manage to orchestrate their own escape some days later (I hate it when the princess waits for her white knight to save her, let's have them save themselves). And head out chasing after the army.

However the boys remain unaware of the hostages newfound freedom. And the battle commences with them being used as puppets. The two of them finally break away from their 'handlers' after hours of battle. They work together to assasinate the rulers of Ilaseph and Hakoren. The Ilasephian army immidiatly hands over command to Rhyder. Turns out quite a few of the soldiers and officers were getting tired of his fathers dictatorial ways and a massive rebellion was starting to brew. They just had no idea how to find Rhyder.

The Hakoren army refuses to surrender and Kel and Rhyder combine their disparate, but complimentary abilities to smite them. Yes smite, a Null and a Taker working together is about as close to god as mortals can get. The girls arrive in the aftermath of the battle and Rhyder proposes to Seiya right then and there in front of the combined might of the surviving armies. I'll leave how Kel handles Xirael up to you (How about Bronwyn shows up in the aftermath too, as a gag). The friends go their seperate ways at this point.

Rhyder goes on to marry Seiya and restructure the entire Empire of Ilaseph. It's customs, traditions, and hierarchy. In a final ironic twist his late father actually gets some of his wish to conquer granted. As Tenoar's ruling King died in the battle without an heir. The southern Kingdom submits to Ilaseph to avoid a civil war. Kel ends up as King of Liadna alongside Xirael. Because he's a Taker some people kept trying to assasinate Rhyder. They kept trying until they finally succeeded and Rhyder died at age 65.

*I've changed a few things and added a little more detail read it over and tell me if there's anything you don't like. I think you've already figured it out by this point but the brackets in bold are my own personal comments.*
DANCE- Like no-one is watching
LOVE- Like you've never been hurt
SING- Like no-one is listening
LIVE- Like it's heaven on earth.

Please read and review my novel. The title is Fireborn. Here's the link.

novel.php?id=1157




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Thu Jul 28, 2011 6:00 am
sylverdawn says...



*Alright I've got my Prologue scene down and here it is. Read it through and tell me what you think. Personally I think I nailed their personalities pretty well.*

Persecution:


Part I: Tenoar

Prologue- Prelude to Darkness

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

Seiya ran through the streets of Ta'sya. Dust puffed up in her wake as bare feet slapped the sun baked stones. Fear lent wings to her feet as she dashed down one alley and out onto a crowded street.

Panting Seiya paused to catch her breath in front of a fountain. The reflection showed a frightened young woman with black hair, a heart shaped face, and bi-colored eyes. Seiya's right eye was the deep rich red of garnets her left a dark saphire blue.

She never thought it would come to this. She only wanted to protect Rhyder. Just like he was always protecting her. Thieves like Rhyder stayed alive by keeping a low profile. When the city nobles had placed a bounty on his head Seiya had known it was only a matter of time before Rhyder was caught.

They both lived in the poorest district in the city. Money was tight for everyone. A lot of desperate people had crawled out of the gutters for the bounty. Seiya had thought if she could get enough golds together Rhyder could get out of the city. At least until things went back to normal. As it was Rhyder hadn't slept two nights in a row in the same bolt hole for months.

But Seiya couldn't make that many golds as a dancer. There wasn't much call for proffesional entertainers these days either. So when one of the nobles had offered her a job dancing at one of their endless parties she had siezed the oppurtunity and taken some of the jewelery. How was she supposed to know the lord's empty headed daughter had placed protective spells on her jewels?

Seiya's head jerked up as she heard the hiss of steel leaving a scabbard and she whirled to find herself facing the group of city Watchmen that had been chasing her.

One of the Watchmen shook his head. His gravelly voice carrying to the onlookers in the square. "Now girl no more running around. We've chased you from one end of the city to the other. Lady Michana is in tears after you took her baubles. Her father has demanded that such a dangerous criminal be sent to the prison. An' if you've stolen from one of your customers there's no telling what you've taken from others. You'll be coming with us for questioning."

Seiya gulped at that, cold sweat running down her spine. As a street child she had grown up hearing horror stories about the Watch's 'questioning methods'. They mostly consisted of torturing someone untill they confessed to whatever the Watch wanted and never seeing the light of day again.

Her eyes darted around the square. The fountain blocked the path behind her and the guards were ringed around Seiya in a semi-circle. The faces of the watching crowd held sympathy and resignation. There would be no help from that quarter Seiya knew. The people of the slums had seen scenes like this over and over. They understood what came of helping Watch's latest target.

Knees shaking with the realization that there was no way out. Seiya thrust out her chin stubbornly. Determined not to show her fear. The guards moved forward to grab her, steel manacles glinting in their hands. A rock sailed out of the crowd of bystanders and clipped the leader on the head.

The man turned to glare into the crowd who quickly backed away from the culprit, clearing a space around a sandy haired youth. His light brown hair was tied back with a blue bandana. He wore scuffed leather boots, tan leggings and a brown jacket. The youth glared at the guard with eyes the blue-violet of a twilit sky.

Seiya sucked in a breath as Rhyder smirked at the guard. Like always her heart raced when she caught sight of him. But at the same time she got a sinking feeling that Rhyder was up to somethin. Her childhood friend had that look in his eye. The one that meant he was about to do something utterly outrageous and possibly insane.

Her sinking feeling was confirmed as Rhyder rolled his eyes in exasperation. His voice was full of derision as he scoffed at the guards. "Here I had always heard that the City Watch was at least competent. Even if it is corrupt."

The leader's eyes narrowed dangerously as he stepped towards the slender young man. "And what is that supposed to mean?" He hissed.

Rhyder flashed a crooked grin. "It's simple. She didn't steal the jewels. I did."

"I can't believe he said that." Seiya thought in disbelief.

***

"I can't believe I just said that." Rhyder thought, marvelling at his own adaucity.

"And I'm just supposed to believe some random street trash waltzed into a secure estate and walked off with more then two hundred golds worth of jewels when I know for a fact that so called dancer was on the estate at the time of the theft?" The Watch Captain mocked him.

Rhyder's gaze slid to Seiya and he saw her eyes widen as if she had realized what he was planning to do. She shook her head frantically mouthing the word "No." over and over again.

Shrugging Rhyder turned back to the Captain and smiled. "Normally that would be true. If I actually were some random street trash."

The Captain's eyebrow rose in silent inquiry. And Rhyder started listing several of his more widely known thefts. "The Morohv Tiara; the Castenda Emeralds; Lord Kurain's ruby seal ring; a large amount of golds from Duke Vhry's treasury; oh and once this lovely saphire pendant Countess Estohn really wasn't showing to proper advantage. Do I really need to go on before you take my meaning?"

The Watchmen's eyes widened as he rattled off each known theft. Who Rhyder had robbed might be common knowledge in Ta'sya. But what he had taken from the overly pampered nobles was a closely kept secret. The entire list was known only to the Watch and Rhyder himself.

"Well that changes things. You are hereby under arrest for multiple counts of theft, breaking and entering, and trespassing on noble estates. Men take him into custody."

A pair of the guardsmen that had been flanking him while Rhyder focussed on the Captain jumped forward and siezed Rhyder's arms. Rhyder put up a token resistance as they yanked his hands behind his back and he felt the cool bite of steel as they clapped manacles around his wrists. "It figures I'd be caught for the one crime I actually didn't commit." Rhyder thought sardonically.

He had no idea what Seiya had been thinking taking those jewels but now that Rhyder had taken the fall for it she would be safe. At least that was what Rhyder believed until he head the Captain order his men to take Seiya into custody as well. His head jerked up in astonishment and he lunged towards the captain but was pulled up short by the guards holding onto him.

"Why are you bringing her in!? She has nothing to do with this!" Rhyder demanded.

The Captain turned from watching his other men secure manacles around Seiya's wrists to grin maliciously at Rhyder. "There's where your wrong thief. She is still a person of interest in your latest crime and is therefore being detained until further notice."

Moving forward the Captain walked past Rhyder the guards dragging him and Seiya behind him. "You can't do that!" Rhyder shouted. It was fine if he was arrested. Rhyder had accepted the possibility that he would end up in prison or worse long ago. But Seiya was different. She still had her whole life ahead of her.

Glancing over his shoulder the Captain smirked at Rhyder. "I can and I just did. I hope you noble sacrifice was worth it. The two of you can spend the rest of your lives together rotting behind bars." He barked out a laugh.

Rhyder stifled the urge to lash out with his magic. Using his power out in the open like that wasn't an option. Rhyder wasn't yet prepared to deal with the consequences of that revelation. No matter how satisfying it would be to light that bastard up like a torch.
DANCE- Like no-one is watching
LOVE- Like you've never been hurt
SING- Like no-one is listening
LIVE- Like it's heaven on earth.

Please read and review my novel. The title is Fireborn. Here's the link.

novel.php?id=1157




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Sun Jul 31, 2011 8:46 pm
FinalFreedom says...



Prologue: Kelevan Tal’Vaenith

Clink.
Clink.
Clink.

“I’m not going to stop, Kelevan. Not until you pay appropriate attention to me.” Bronwyn threatened, slowly bringing two pieces of broken metal bit together.

“Please, Bronwyn, I don’t know what you want me to say. Where do you think I was? Kissing some girl in the meadow?” Kel asked, dropping the small bale of hay he had been holding to the ground. Dust flew up with the impact.

Coughing, Bronwyn stood. “Yes, Kelevan, that exactly! You know what Ma and Pa said. No more girls.”

Kel rubbed his temples. “Bronwyn I have a lot of work to do. I’m done with this argument.”

“No you aren’t!”

Kel stormed past Bronwyn and out of the stables. Heaving up two large buckets of water, he set off for the house. It was a daily occurrence to have Bronwyn yelling and breathing down his neck, especially after Ma and Pa had made their decision on his future. What right did they have, Kel always wondered, to tell him, a man of twenty years, who he can marry? None, absolutely none- unless of course the woman he was to marry was Lord Tari’s fair-skinned daughter Lucia.

Lucia was the twinkle in every young man’s heart. Her rosy complexion only accentuated her golden brown eyes and lily white hair. She was gorgeous, as opposed to Bronwyn’s oil-stained skin, black eyes, and chestnut braids. Bronwyn was as plain as the Northern Plains of Ladnia. Beauty did not befit her well, and only teased with her personality.

Knowing she followed, Kel picked up his pace. It was midday and Kel had yet to do up Ma’s bath and to start lunch. Ma had recently fallen ill and was bedridden, and Pa had only recently returned from a week-long hunt in the Northern most part of Tenoar. Of his five adoptive siblings, Kel did the most work for Ma and Pa. It was out of gratitude, but Kel just wrote it off as his duty.

As he neared the house, Kel noticed Ma standing with two of the Village Watch, as well as Pa and Brip, his youngest sibling. Grunting, he put down his load near the door and stood still for a moment, listening to the heated conversation taking place just around the corner.

“Come now Officer, you can’t honestly expect us to believe that our young son, Brip- Blacksmith in-training and prodigy no less- pranked poor old misses Kier. He would do nothing of the sort!” Pa said in an aggravated tone. Kel could have guessed why two members of the Watch were standing outside his home, so far out of the Village of Foustine. They never had any visitors, unless trouble was brewing or Ma and Pa’s good friends heard that Kel was out on hunt.

“Yes I can, and yes I do. Misses Kier gave us quite the vivid description of the culprit, and Brip just so happens to match... Perfectly.” one of the Watchmen said in a huffed tone. Kel cackled then coughed from a dry throat. Bending over one of the two buckets, Kel put his hands in the water and cupped some up to his mouth.

“Officer, we have been through this before. What was this description?” Ma asked. Kel dipped his hands back in the water, cupping them for another drink.

“If you insist, ma’am, the culprit had medium length and knife straight black hair…” the watchman said. Kel stood still and stared at his reflection. He had seen this all play out before.

Check.

“… he had tan skin, a bit darker than most…”

Check.

“… his eyes were dark, but not black. More so a navy…”

Check.

“… his face was shaped somewhat, but not exactly, like an oval…”

Check.

“… however, poor misses Kier was in such a bother by the happenings that she could only guess at his height.”

“And what, Officer, was her guess?” Pa asked.

“Tall. Not like a tree, but not short either.” the Watchman said. Kel gulped.

“That settles it then, Officer. Brip – sorry honey – is as short as a carnival midget. There is no way it could have been him. In fact, we have been through this so many times; I could tell you exactly who it was. Kelevan! Come here!” Ma yelled. Kel sighed and walked around the corner of the house. Ma and Pa both stood with their arms crossed but Brip, trouble maker extraordinaire, stood still with a smirk. “Where were you this morning, Kel?”

“Ma, Pa, Watchmen,” Kel said. “I was out in the meadow, taking Bronwyn’s pony for a ride.” Kel looked at his feet.

“You certainly were not anywhere near the farm, Kel, or else we would have noticed. Care to tell the truth?” Pa walked over to him and gripped his shoulder tightly. Kel knew he had already lost.

“I was in town.” Kel lied. In fact, he had been down at the creek, watching secretly as Lucia had an early picnic with her nursemaid.

“There you have it, Officer, do as you will”. Ma said, acting disappointed. She too knew the truth, that Brip had untied one of misses Kier’s prize mare’s as a prank; but she allowed Kel to take the fall for it.

Ma and Pa walked past Kel, Brip in tow, as Bronwyn rounded the corner. Expecting a fit, Kel was surprised when she stood silently in amazement as the Watchmen bound Kel’s hands behind his back. It had been the last straw, the eleventh time the Watch had been reported about a mysterious prankster who looked just like Kel. Why, he thought, did his younger adoptive brother have to look just like him?

The Watchmen led Kel back to their horses and helped him onto one. Knowing they would be returning with at least one person, they had come prepared and brought an extra steed. Kel stared back at Bronwyn and met her gaze. She stood with parts of her skirt crinkled in her hands. When the Watchmen went inside to grab Kel’s few belongings, she came forward.

Without a word, Bronwyn removed her necklace and placed it in Kel’s hands. She had always worn it and claimed it was a memento from her great grandmother – ash she had been told by her mother. It meant the world to her, and Kel knew that. He looked at her longingly, but had no chance to speak before the Watchmen stormed back out of his tiny home with a bag full of two tunics and only a single extra pair of breeches.

Mounting their horses, the Watchmen both glared at Kel. He knew what they were thinking – that they had finally caught him, the master-of-all-pranks. Kel sighed, but was not afraid of his fate; at least, not until they told him his destination.

“To Ta’Sya.”
Anti-Peta.

"In Vabbi , I was ambushed by six of them! They wielded blunt wooden sticks and were hissing at me about overdue fines... Bandits? Oh, no. These were library envoys."

-- Vael/Nathanael, Guild Wars: Eye of the North




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Sun Aug 07, 2011 4:30 am
sylverdawn says...



Persecution Chapter 1- Prisoners of Fate:

Outline- Divided into 4 scenes- This is my take on the Chapter from Rhyder/Seiya's view points. Will load scene one shortly.

Scene 1- Rhyder/Seiya- The two friends are locked in a prison cell together. Rhyder immidiately begins plotting an escape while grappling with feelings of guilt for dragging Seiya into this mess. Seiya cries, blaming herself for making a bad situation worse.

Scene 2- Kel- I'm not sure what you want him to be doing? Professing his innocence? Sulking? You're choice.

Scene 3- Seiya- A day or two passes Rhyder is going stir crazy, pacing the cell. Guards show up and drag Seiya away. Telling Rhyder she'll be back soon enough. Seiya is taken to the courtyard where the head warden questions the guards who brought her. As she is tied up and placed in the back of a wagon Seiya overhears the Warden and his liutenant talking about sending the 'Taker' to the 'foreign lord'.

Far from stupid, Seiya begins putting two and two together. When she realizes it's Rhyder they're after she plays along with the charade. Naively believing that she will be released once they realize she is not who they're looking for.

Scene 4
- Rhyder/Kel- Rhyder is worried. Seiya hasn't come back. When he overhears the guards gossiping about sending the 'pretty dancer girl' north. And that there are rumours she's Ta'sya's infamous master thief. Rhyder quickly jumps to the conclusion that his past has come back to haunt him, and her.

He begins to leave. Knowing that how he escapes will reveal his identity to every mage on the continent. Nevertheless, Rhyder takes the risk. After the spells binding powers are disabled Rhyder uses his power to force open the cell doors in close proximity to him. Inadvertantently blowing up his own cell. Rhyder is thrown into the hall by the explosion he hit's his head and passes out.

Kel scene- Again, you're choice. Maybe Kel could overhear the explosion and the commotion from down the hallway.

Rhyder comes to only to find the prison in chaos as the inmates riot and proceed to open door after door. Rhyder races down the hall in search of Seiya and stumbles across Kel instead. The two boys make a pact. "You help me and I'll help you." and move to interrogate the head Warden.
DANCE- Like no-one is watching
LOVE- Like you've never been hurt
SING- Like no-one is listening
LIVE- Like it's heaven on earth.

Please read and review my novel. The title is Fireborn. Here's the link.

novel.php?id=1157




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Sun Nov 20, 2011 11:34 pm
sylverdawn says...



Chapter I- Prisoners of Fate

The cell door clanged shut behind them with a note of finality. Rhyder turned to glare at the prison guard through the iron bars. His eyes fell to the runes carved into the bars. In Tenoar, where the majority of the population was human, they were sort of reduntant. But every prison cell on the continent had spells that sealed away magic embedded into the bars and walls.

Since you never knew who had magic unless they chose to reveal it the runes were a necessary precaution. Designed to mimic the effects of a null mage, albeit to a much lesser degree. Mages just couldn't use their powers within the confines of the seal. "At least, ordinary mages can't. There are exceptions to every rule." Rhyder thought. But that wasn't a card he was prepared to play. Not yet. He still needed more time.

Snickering nastily the guard locked the door, pocketing the key. Grinning mockingly his gaze flicked to take in the small stone cell Rhyder and Seiya had been placed in as he walked away. A pair of cots were shoved against the walls and a chamberpot was tucked into the corner near a bucket of drinking water. The only light came from a tiny barred window in the opposite wall.

He heard a muffled sob and turned to find Seiya sitting on one of the cots her face buried in her hands. Rhyder's throat tightened at the sight. He hated seeing Seiya cry. She was his best friend. She didn't belong here. Seiya belonged under the wide blue sky, not locked in some jail cell. This was his life. One Rhyder had been courting for years. After all, you could only avoid danger so many times before the odds caught up with you. No one cheated fate forever.

Rhyder crouched down in front of Seiya and gently grasped her wrists, pulling her hands away from her face. "Come on Seiya don't do this to me." He murmured soothingly. "I'll get you out of here, I swear it."

Seiya's breath hitched in her throat as she gazed at him solemnly. "You mean you'll get us both out of here Rhyder." She corrected him.

His brow furrowed in confusion. "What?"

"It's my fault we're in this mess Rhyder. Don't you dare think getting yourself killed while only I escape will make me happy." Seiya lifted her chin stubbornly.

Rhyder blinked in surprise before bursting out laughing. "All right Seiya. You and I jumped into this mess together. And we're both coming out alive or we're not coming out at all. I promise."

"I know you will Rhyder. You always keep your promises." Seiya flashed him a brilliant smile before curling up on one of the cots underneath a threadbare blanket. Ten minutes later, she was fast asleep. Rhyder side and fell back onto the cold stone floor a thin shaft of sunlight slanting through the window and onto his face. "Now." He thought. "I just have to figure out how to pull off a miracle."
DANCE- Like no-one is watching
LOVE- Like you've never been hurt
SING- Like no-one is listening
LIVE- Like it's heaven on earth.

Please read and review my novel. The title is Fireborn. Here's the link.

novel.php?id=1157