Young Writers Society

OK. So, I did post some of this in the regular forums, but as I got farther and changed some things. I decided I didn't want to post it in small parts anymore. The word count is around 12,000 words. I'm planning on it being a novel or novella.

This is one of my best pieces. Not in the sense that it's my best writing, I just love the characters a lot. I'm not focusing on so much my grammar, but the story itself. I'm curious to see what people think of the plot, characters, descriptions, etc.

I've read through and edited the best I could. So, any feedback would be greatly appreciated. I want to make this the best it can be.

Short summary: Shane's life has been turned upside down since his mom died of breast cancer when he was twelve. Now fourteen, he must deal with things way beyond his own maturity level. Being the general care taker of his sister, and dealing with his father's pain, which he chooses to bring out in a way that could harm Shane. Then, he meets Raine. A mysterious girl who makes Shane see his life for what it really is.

I'm not finished with this yet. I kind of ended this part at a random part. Hopefully not too random, though. So, again, any feedback is welcomed. I'm a little nervous about this. But, I really want help on this story. I'm done talking, now.

I enjoyed this, it was a new subject for me. A couple different threads of plot are weaving themselves around each other, I'm interested to see were it goes. The review/critique is attached, the edits are all in red, some in the pages themselves, with more overall comments at the very end. Let me know if it doesn't work. Feel free to PM with with questions or when you put more of it up. Good stuff!

-Pattycakes

Hi there! Here's your review! This is my first advanced review, so bare with me!