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Girlfriends and boyfriends at the age of 10 - 15

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Sun May 01, 2011 7:00 pm
XxMattxX says...



Snoink, being several years older than most of us here, knows what it's like to be your age; she went through it herself not so long ago. She also knows first-hand, by virtue of being older, what it's like to be part of the next few age groups. By your logic (knowing one's self and the younger age groups), Snoink's opinion is more credible for she has experienced being a part of all the age groups being discussed.

Not necessarily. Allow me to "explain", here.
-----
Snoink( if I remember correctly) is 22. I'm 15. Generations have changed since she was my age, you know. Teens don't always continue to "think" the same way. If her experiences were just like mine, then pregnancy, drop out, and gang/relationship violence rates would have remained the same, too.
But they haven't.

The point I'm trying to make here is that we all have a say and a credible idea, here.
NO opinion( no matter how young) is "laughable", as you like to call it.
I go to high school each day and see these sort of things, It's all around me. I observe and learn from the mistakes of others. See who, and who not to become. And that seems as "equally" credible to hers, to me.

So I'd like to know how me reality is any more ridiculous than her "memories"...
Because I'm not laughing.

Totally assumed on that one. Generations change.
Adults ( like Snoink), offer and older, more experienced opinions to balance out our younger, recent, an more updated experiences and observations. One can't survive without the other.

So my opinion isn't funny or "laughable". It's what I believe based on why I see each day and discover through the course of this life I'm living.

Hope you understand my point.
Nobody is disregarding anyone's ideas. But I'll stay on topic- and focus on debating the matter at hand if you don't mind.
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Mon May 02, 2011 12:19 am
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Kyllorac says...



Generations have changed since she was my age, you know.

Last I checked, we could still be considered to be part of the same generation... A decade doesn't much matter age-difference-wise once you're an adult, and the age difference between you and Snoink (and myself) is less than a decade.

If her experiences were just like mine, then pregnancy, drop out, and gang/relationship violence rates would have remained the same, too.

[...]

I go to high school each day and see these sort of things, It's all around me. I observe and learn from the mistakes of others. See who, and who not to become. And that seems as "equally" credible to hers, to me.

So I'd like to know how me reality is any more ridiculous than her "memories"...

I never said it was ridiculous. I said it was amusing. Things ten years ago weren't that different, believe it or not. It just wasn't as publicized by the media nor as openly accepted as a fact of life by society. While the attitudes and awareness towards these things may have shifted a little bit, the things themselves have always existed.

While I was in middle school, teen pregnancy was the norm, and there was always talk among the girls of wanting a baby because it was so cute, with the girls who had babies bringing them into school to be cooed all over. In addition, there were several nasty gangs at the local high school, and you had to be very careful what you wore as one gang in particular was very protective of its gang colors/outfit. Considering said outfit consisted of bluejeans and a T-shirt, you can see how "interesting" getting dressed could be if you didn't want to get jumped, once you factored in the other gangs.

Relationship abuse is nothing new. If you talk to ladies in their eighties and nineties (which is a true generation gap), you might be shocked at how much they put up with from their husbands, and how much they went through while leaving them, during and after, if they left at all.

In addition, based on my own experiences talking to people from all different age groups and generations, people and their experiences aren't that different from generation to generation. Sure, superficially they might appear to be quite different, but the basic behaviors and decision-making processes are the same in each generation and age group, regardless of whether you were born before electricity became widespread, before the internet was invented, before portable electronics became indispensable necessities of daily life, or before holodecks become the entertainment norm (which I really hope I live long enough to play with~).

Perspective. It's something one needs to develop before one can state one's opinions and be taken as seriously as you wish to be taken, and right now, I'm not seeing much perspective.

Now, I'm not saying that your opinions are irrelevant or invalid. It's just that, when I compare your opinions to what I have experienced and to the opinions I held at your age, I can't help but think that you are still so young and naive, even though both you and young me thought otherwise. As such, your opinions don't hold as much weight as someone who is older and who has experienced all the trials and tribulations of being a teenager already.

But in the same vein, I probably look incredibly naive and lacking in perspective to someone older than I. ;P

Such is life.
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Mon May 02, 2011 12:33 am
Flower~Child says...



Okay, I'm going to throw in my opinion here real quick haha.

I think that there are many exceptions to the stupid immature kids that walk the planet today. I started "dating" when I was twelve and I learned the hard way what love is. The thing is I fell in love with a player and he broke me. He made me miserable for the three years that I loved him. I didn't date him that long, I just loved him that long.

It can be a mistake because it can tear you apart. It can change you as a person like it did me. I learned from it though and I am somewhat a better person now.

I realized how I'm supposed to be treated and I have found someone that is good for me. I know he loves me and I love him and we are still young. Oh well that's just my opinion though.
My reality comes to a close as I once again realize that you don't love me, and even if I love you with my everything you will never care.





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Mon May 02, 2011 2:41 am
XxMattxX says...



It can be a mistake because it can tear you apart. It can change you as a person like it did me. I learned from it though and I am somewhat a better person now.


Exactly, Flower~Child.
All though I don't care too much for the whole "young dating" thing, teens will be teens.
Hey, if we make mistakes, we might as well learn from them.
Or be proactive an learn from the mistakes of others.
Either way, learning is key.
Testimonials hold more weight in the long run.

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Mon May 02, 2011 12:48 pm
Peach says...



I think it's Ok to date young. It makes you who you are. Some of us may have broken hearts, or our first kisss wen we're 12, but that's us. The world is changing. It may not be for the better, but saying " it's not good" isn't gonna help anything. If we want to do anything, we need to know why kids date young. They want to be older. Kids want to grow up to fast. We need to stop making young adults look so amazing, we should show the harder parts of being old. Maybe then kids won't mind playing tag and being friends with everyone for a year or two more.




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Wed May 04, 2011 12:28 am
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ultraviolet says...



I almost hate to get in the mess of things, but here are my two cents:

Last year, at 13, I wouldn't have been ready to date. I was insecure in the simplest of situations, and having a boy friend could have only made things worse. Lately, though, I've gained a lot of confidence in who I am, though I'm still insecure at times. I think that today, I could enter a relationship and have it be fairly healthy, a real-deal kind of thing. Whether it lasted, and exactly how serious/health it was, well, that depends partly on the boy. It's all a circumstances kind of thing.

However, my sister is a year older, has been in three relationships (one online, but I'm not going to get into that), and has never kissed a boy. I'm not even sure if she "liked" them. It was all a status kind of thing. Even now, she says she likes a lot of people at once. People like her (and many other types of people) just aren't mature enough for a relationship, nor do they have a realistic expectation of what to expect from one.

I know for a fact I am more mature than she is and that I could handle it better. I probably sound foolish and arrogant - I accept that. And if I were being completely honest, it would probably be a very bad idea for me to enter in a relationship. However, stupid teenager I am, if I guy I like ever shows interest in me, I'll probably throw that thought out the window. That's teenagers. That's life.

My point is, some people can handle relationships better than others (there are plenty of adults that aren't ready for them yet, too). Age isn't really the issue, at a certain point. Except, it's hard to make a relationship work out if you have four years of high school, not to mention college, ahead of you before you can find a stable job and the thought of marriage is even touching your mind as something more than a far-off dream. But if the people involved are mature, are in the relationship for the right reasons, well, I'm not against their dating. It's probably not a good idea, but I'm not against it.
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Wed May 04, 2011 2:08 pm
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SparkToFlame says...



Okay DramaLlama opinion time.

Really and truly, who didn't have a "wedding" when they were 2-6?
Who didn't have a crush when they were ten and swore you loved them?

I think kids "pretend" that they have boyfriends, or kids "pretend" to get married becuase thats what they see around them. Chances are, youv'e been to a wedding by the time your 5 and you thought it was fun, so you have one of your own. It might even be to your cousin. Chances are, you have seen teens talking about "crushes" by the time your 7. Or have seen it on tv. Your just coyping what you see around you.
I could care less what kids ages 3-10 do. Their just playing. Nothing is going to happen, nothing is going to come out of it. Its just the sort of thing mothers take pictures of.

Its 10- on we should be concered a little about. That is when kids acutually start to begin to realize how the world really is. Parents stop being so careful about what they say, and what they watch in front of kids.

Its then most girls hit puberty, and start to think of their bodies in new ways.

you enter middle school about age 10-11 and start hearing more, seeing more without adults there to moniter it.

When you hit 13-14 it is the "thing" to have a boyfriend. Its the "thing" to have been kissed.
I personally wasn't kissed till I turned 15 and even then it was a peck.

this should concern us even more. by the time your 14-15 your entered into to high school. That is the worst time and most dangerous time for dating. So much can happen, with little or no montiering.

So all in all, I think that only ages 12-15 is a bad time to date.

Emotions run high. Maturity runs low.

thats all i have to say.
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Tue May 10, 2011 8:51 am
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Lava says...



Kyllorac wrote:So in the meantime, I shall go off and rejoin my fellow oldies in this corner over here while we sit in our rocking chairs and watch you younglings dash around with the energy we lost a long time ago. ;P
Yeah, dear oldie, I love ya!
I've seen a lot of my friends(when we were in school) get boyfriends when we were 15 or so. And I see that start age decreasing slowly. And - okay, speaking locally of my city - I'm saying this is due to exposure to the whole idea of love and that it is considered a taboo, it isn't merely social acceptance.. And like Snoink says, I think 17 (Edit: I was under the impression I'm still 18.) year olds can be immature.
Oh well, this comes from someone who's never dated and has had a couple of crushes so far.
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Wed May 18, 2011 2:41 am
iheartbooks says...



Uh, I'm not dating until I get my liscence and then can actually go on dates and drive places. And I don't even think I'll date until college, if even then. I just don't see the point of it. You date to find someone to marry eventually, right? And I certainly hope I don't end up marrying one of the idiots from my school! But that's just my opinion. And then of course there are always those "exceptions", like our neighbors who were high school sweeties. Butall of my friends have had boyfriends so far except for me and everyone of us has gotten heartbroken, even me, and that's without a boyfriend of any kind, I don't need one to make it worse! Instead I use my time not thinking about things that wont matter in the long run, thinking about things like grades and volunteer work and such, blah, blah, blah.
Besides, love blows, just saying.
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Thu May 19, 2011 6:59 pm
Razcoon says...



My cousin is nine and has a "boyfriend", and I don't approve of THAT, but I'm negative one and I approve of my boyfriend, so does that make me a hypocrite?

I keed. I'm fourteen, but I do have a boyfriend, and I do love him. Agreed, lots of people these days only date because they think the person is attractive, or because the person is popular, or just for the sake of having a signifigant other, but honestly, how else do they learn? There is like, there is love, there is lust, and by being with various partners, they learn to differentiate. They get experience for when they're past adolescence, when dating becomes more of a serious thing. They learn who to look for, who to avoid, their "type", the appropriate actions and responses...

It's an experience thing. Just my opinion on the whole ordeal.
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Mon May 23, 2011 4:35 pm
brittbritt12347 says...



Brittany

Ok. Well, I really don't see what the point is if you really don't like like them, I mean if you really like them of course your gonna wanna date them. But if it's not really liking someone like if you date them out of loneliness then NO you shouldn't date them. I have been dating a guy for al most 9 months now and it's been absolutely GREAT!!!!
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Fri Jun 10, 2011 9:14 pm
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Sassykat says...



I think that, as long as it isn't anything serious, that it's okay. Saying, "I like someone, and they happen to like me," there is nothing wrong with that. Now, actually dating, that's a different story. That is something to be saved for those who have the maturity for it. And holding hands does not count as dating.
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Sat Jun 11, 2011 1:09 am
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inkwell says...



From my experience, it's not bad exercise. (practice?) It prepares you for going out and being with dates, and what kind of emotions, social situations, and effects are involved.

Maybe that sounds crude, but otherwise they're not deep relationships, considering that the two kids are not exactly capable of it. No offense. But I think the root of this debate, if you will, is what the purpose of relationship itself is. Sex? Friendship? Children? Different people have different thoughts, and that plays a big part in whether you feel kids of that age should even consider a relationship.

That said, I think that at such an early age, if you are someone who isn't able to become a couple with someone else, you become lesser in status. I think that's unfair, but perhaps a hard lesson about life, and the social hierarchies that fill it.
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Mon Oct 17, 2011 6:43 pm
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writerwithacause says...



While I doubt that teens can ever get a grasp of what 'true love' is, it is fairly important that they should experience this new sort of relationship between them and the opposite sex.

If they might find 'true love' at such young ages, is questionable, of course. When we are younger, we tend to neglect notions such as 'duty', or what is 'right' and what 'wrong'. We also don't yet know what the world is like (full of lies and deceptions), so it's a lot easier to put your trust in somebody when you're young. These bonds of friendship that kids form at young ages can last a lifetime (this can be easily proved, as most of us still keep in touch with high school mates, and even classmates from elementary school). But this is valid for friendship alone, too, so it doesn't necessarily involve 'love'.

When you're only fourteen and fall in love for the first time, you don't even know what 'love' is, you try to give it your own definition. You don't have the experience of a heartbreak, thus you love at a superficial level.

On the other hand, as I was saying, intimate relationships at this age are very important. They add a lot of self-esteem to teenagers (as many of them are too scared that nobody would ever like them), and they teach teens how to act when they grow-up. Some of us, if we don't experience any relationship before eighteen, might be afraid of relationships later when we grow up. So it contributes a lot to our emotional stability and to our own social development.
Last edited by writerwithacause on Tue Oct 18, 2011 2:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Mon Oct 17, 2011 6:52 pm
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Snoink says...



I've changed my mind since my last post. Clearly, 22 is too young to have a serious relationship.
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