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Girlfriends and boyfriends at the age of 10 - 15

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Thu Mar 25, 2010 10:05 am
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LowKey says...



Just to build off of Obi'wan's post, at one point in time, once you reached age 12 you could (and sometimes would... it wasn't such an insane idea at all, really then) be married off. Why? Because that's when girls typically started their periods and thus became fertile. Fertile = children = sons = heirs. So even though these girls were still considered children themselves, it really wasn't that absurd to be married and a mother of one or two by time you turned 15. For girls, anyway. Men often waited until they had established themselves financially before beginning a family, which often meant they were full adults before they ever got married. Which makes sense, when you're the only person working to feed and provide for however many others, at least until your daughters are married off and your sons can be apprenticed out.

Even in recent times, and I mean really recent... as in, WWII era. People married young. Granted, you legally weren't supposed to, but it wasn't unheard of for 16-year-old girls to lie about their age and marry their high school sweet hearts. Most women at that time did not have high career aspirations like they do now. Women weren't, for example, astronauts or CEOs or anything along their lines. As far as work went, their options were limited. Of the options available, the pay sucked. So basically, if they wanted to live comfortably, especially when they got older and needed medical insurance and to retire and such, the best course to go was (usually) to get married. They would still work after marriage, but it was extremely hard to get a job while pregnant, or to keep one once you became so. If you stayed single, you were often let go after a certain period of time. The mentality was largely that you would work until you got married, and that you would fix your marital status as soon as you could. If a woman wasn't getting married, she obviously had some issues, perhaps with commitment, when made her a bad employee.

Today, while there are almost definitely some kids following the footsteps of their grandparents, it's not as big of an issue. However, this isn't new at all. The only thing that's changed is that it's become more of a choice, something you can try whenever it's right for you. Something you can practice, first by mimicking the adults around you and then later trying to make something real. Not something you're forced into the moment you're old enough to breed and, lo and behold, it's the real deal. Screw up your relationship with your boyfriend, whatever, you'll move on. Screw up your marriage, you'll still move on, but that's a much bigger deal.

Kids are going to have crushes in kindergarten and grade school and high school. It's natural. Some of it may be them copying what they see around them (which is how they learn, by the way, by mimicking their world) and some of it might be genuine affection. I really don't see the problem with ten year olds thinking they have a 'boyfriend' or a 'girlfriend' so long as they're treating each other like friends or crushes. They may be copying their world and people older than them, but so long as they're not doing anything inappropriate, I don't see the harm in it.

I had a crush when I was 12. We were great friends. The most daring thing that ever happened between us? He kissed my hand while we were watching lord of the rings together. Prior to that, we were holding hands. Except for that one hand kiss, we basically just held hands a lot. And that was that! It was fun. Good learning experience, looking back. And we remained friends afterwards. It was good practice that helped prepare me for other things in life later on. It was a step on the stairwell. It all builds on top of each other. So long as it's kept age appropriate,and I think for the most part it is, I don't see any problems with it at all.
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Mon Mar 28, 2011 8:28 pm
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ShadowPrincess16 says...



I see this from both perspectives. On one hand there is definately an age that is too young for romantic relationships. But, on the other hand, I see that maturity matters a lot. I was 13 when I started dating and both the guy and I were mature enough to hold our relationship. In fact, we only broke up because his father found out. Three years later we're going out again and I still feel the same way I always have.
So there IS an age when a person is too young for "dating" but there also comes a time when maturity matters more than age.
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Tue Mar 29, 2011 11:12 am
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Funkymomo says...



I think ten is a little young, but 13 and up is OK, depending on the reason you're dating.

Most people in my school date for popularity, attention. Recently me and my two friends were asked out by our three guy friends. We hung out, went to the movies, made a funny video, it was fun. We were dating for a slightly more mature reason; because we liked the guys. Well, it only lasted a month before my two friends broke it up, but they broke up mostly because they didn't expect to actually hold hands or lean on the guys. I kept dating my guy because I feel attracted to him and don't see any reason to break up.

If you're dating for the wrong reasons, like popularity it's wrong but if it's a more mature relationship, I believe it's ok.
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Tue Mar 29, 2011 12:51 pm
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Jas says...



Ever since I was young, I felt like 14 was the perfect age to start dating. You've entered high school and are already in the middle of puberty, rather than confused and frustrated like you were in the begining. The 10 year olds who date = The future cast of 16 and Pregnant.
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Wed Mar 30, 2011 11:35 pm
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Confictura says...



Dating for popularity or to seem "Mature" is wrong, as many people have stated so far.
However, if two people are comfortable around eachother, like talking to eachother, enjoy eachothers company. Then is there any real age limit?

There is no age limit on love, consequently, there is no age limit on 'Fake Relationships'
IT may be wrong, and frowned upon, but we can't stop it and there's no real reason to.

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Fri Apr 01, 2011 9:17 am
spike71294 says...



Well, to have a relationship at the age of 10-12 is silly really. But after adolescence obviously the hormones start kicking in and attraction and relationships are bound to happen.
Though most people will disagree with me but I think love can be found at any age. Although rare, but love does happen in the teenage years.
But it's also another fact that most relationships at this wage aren't serious. But not all.
So, as with almost everything else, it depends on the individual and how he/she looks at relationships.

And when children (below 13) have relationships they just admire each other, I don't think there is any attraction at that time. I had a couple of crushes when I was in kindergarten :P but that can't be called attraction.
The problem arises when children copy adults, when they have sexual relationships at the age of 12!
Personally I am not against pre-marital sex or even teenage sex as long as it's done with protection.
But you can't expect 12 year olds to use protection can you?




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Tue Apr 05, 2011 11:05 pm
ToritheMonster says...



I think young (10-13) teenage relationships are silly. Purely status- those kids haven't even hit puberty yet, for the most part. I think, however, that from 14 and up relationships are okay. I think if, by that age, both people have a mutual crush it's fine for them to go see a film or kiss. However, I don't think you can actually be in love until you are older.

On love, I think that you only love once. You might have serious crushes, you might feel butterflies. But it's not love unless you really want to spend your life with that person. I absolutely detest when little tweens or teens of any age say they're "in love" or are "in love" with every bloody person they date. You do not love them unless you would marry them. You don't know what love it until you are older. Go ahead and say that you <3 each other, but don't say "love" unless you seriously think you would marry that person. And that will not be until you are significantly older.

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Fri Apr 29, 2011 1:28 am
XxMattxX says...



Please, if I am misinformed, inform me. But what "mature" reasons are there for a 10-13 year-old to date?
It's mainly for popularity. I remember when I was around that age (not too long ago) my peers who dated then were utterly childish and focused on the "drama" of it all, than the actual relationship.

When you ask someone out to a dance or on a date, doesn't it make sense that you actually *talk* to this person?
But no... In fact, the "couples" at the dance were the furthest away from eachother and didn't even speak for the duration of the social. How is that dating?

I believe that you should only begin dating when you are ready to take it seriously( no, not sex.That's just another debate altogether). This automatically counts out anyone below the age of 14( and even that is young), because there are certain lessons that only life experience can teach you.
-Social skills.
-How to tolerate and understand differences.
-Getting to know someone for who they really are.
-Growing with them

And no. You do not need to begin dating at 10 years of age in order to "practice" or "experience" this. Spend time learning to tolerate the friends and family around you FIRST.
Then come talk to me about loving another person or entering a "mature" romantic relationship.

The whole reason this is even a formidable topic is because children of this day are trying to "grow up" too fast.
The irony of it all, though, is the whole idea that Disney-Channel dating is the proper method.
Dating comes in a spectrum.
Sadly, a majority of adolescents and preteens are either too childish, or are trying to seem mature by doing "adult" things (i.e. Premarital sex, petting, shacking up, eloping, etc.)

What wrong with just getting to actually know the person you are "dating"?
Huh?

That's my opinion, anyways...
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Fri Apr 29, 2011 7:59 am
Paracosm says...



As for me, I don't rush in to things. It depends on if you and this person really get along well. For instance, the one time I decide to rush into something, me and a friend of mine were talking Taekwondo, whenever she asked me if I liked her, I responded by telling her she was a good friend. She asked again another time, and I did like her, so I said yes. We decided we were going to hang out at the rink the next weekend, whenever A) She fakes having Pharyngitis and the flu to get out of it, or B) She really had pharyngitis and the flu. Either way, since then she has been dating two people, and personally, I think it was a status thing for her. So then, the point is, make sure the said person isn't a backstabbing double-crosser, that you and him/her get along well, and that both of you are comfortable with being more than friends. Also, just for the record, back in the dark ages people were getting MARRIED at 10=15!!! For them it was a status thing....
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Fri Apr 29, 2011 11:38 pm
XxMattxX says...



Also, just for the record, back in the dark ages people were getting MARRIED at 10=15!!! For them it was a status thing....


Yeah, but teens and adolescents in general today aren't burdened with the same responsibilities as those who lived in the Dark Ages. So the rate of maturity and responsibility is significantly lower now, than it was then. So even the relationships now aren't as thought-out as they should be.
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Fri Apr 29, 2011 11:51 pm
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Snoink says...



What I find funny is that most responses are from a 15-year-old who say, "Oh, 14-year-olds and younger are too immature to have a real relationship." Or from 14-year-olds who say, "Oh, 13-year-olds and younger are too immature to have a real relationship." XD

With that said, I think, 21-year-olds and younger are waaaaay too immature to have a real relationship. ;)
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Sat Apr 30, 2011 12:26 am
Kyllorac says...



Snoink wrote:With that said, I think, 21-year-olds and younger are waaaaay too immature to have a real relationship. ;)

This 21-year-old is inclined to agree, with the caveat that there are exceptions. ;P

I personally know a couple that's been dating since they were 14, engaged since they were 17, and the only thing preventing them from being officially married are their finances. What makes them unusual, since it isn't uncommon where I live for you to be married by the time you're 18, is that they actually love each other.

I have to heavily emphasize that they are an exception. Most of the relationships that start that young end within a year or two, and often with much messiness. A lot more people have be been hurt by getting into relationships young than those that have gained a lifelong partner.

Quite honestly, though I was more mature than most adults when I was 10, looking back with 11 years of perspective, I realize just how immature I was then. Even looking back a year ago reveals quite a large shift in understanding and priorities and so on. And considering how even thinking about having to plan the wedding gives me a heart attack, much less living in close proximity with that person for the rest of my life, I'd say that 15, maybe even up to 18, and below is far too young to be dating.
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Sat Apr 30, 2011 9:55 pm
XxMattxX says...



What I find funny is that most responses are from a 15-year-old who say, "Oh, 14-year-olds and younger are too immature to have a real relationship." Or from 14-year-olds who say, "Oh, 13-year-olds and younger are too immature to have a real relationship." XD


Age is just a number, Snoink. I'm no normal kid.
And that PROVES maturity. Self-realization. I'll explain...
I, knowing myself and the age groups below me (due to my recent membership) know that I am not mature enough as of now to enter a mature and committed relationship. From the mouth of an adolescent.
So it's all the more credible, lol.
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Sat Apr 30, 2011 10:24 pm
Peach says...



XxJoJoxX wrote:
When you ask someone out to a dance or on a date, doesn't it make sense that you actually *talk* to this person?
But no... In fact, the "couples" at the dance were the furthest away from eachother and didn't even speak for the duration of the social. How is that dating?

I believe that you should only begin dating when you are ready to take it seriously( no, not sex.That's just another debate altogether). This automatically counts out anyone below the age of 14( and even that is young), because there are certain lessons that only life experience can teach you.


I agree with you Jojo. When I was 13, I dated this guy because of two reasons. 1. I wanted to seem more popular, and 2. I wanted one of those relationships were the couple laughed, smiled, hugged, and spent time together not awkwardly. Sadly, it didn't work out. But I learned that relationships come with time, and for me at least, that time came in my sophomore year. I think kids should be at least 15 before they date, otherwise it's just for bad reasons and it's awkward.




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Sun May 01, 2011 6:26 pm
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Kyllorac says...



XxJoJoxX wrote:And that PROVES maturity. Self-realization. I'll explain...
I, knowing myself and the age groups below me (due to my recent membership) know that I am not mature enough as of now to enter a mature and committed relationship. From the mouth of an adolescent.
So it's all the more credible, lol.

Actually, that makes it all the more laughable. Allow me to explain:

Snoink, being several years older than most of us here, knows what it's like to be your age; she went through it herself not so long ago. She also knows first-hand, by virtue of being older, what it's like to be part of the next few age groups. By your logic (knowing one's self and the younger age groups), Snoink's opinion is more credible for she has experienced being a part of all the age groups being discussed.

And yet, in your next sentence, you say that being an adolescent makes your opinion more credible. I fail to see the how you jumped to that conclusion, considering you jumped from "being older and more experienced is more credible" to "being part of the age group is more credible".

What Snoink and I have been trying to point out is that, as you grow older, your perspective changes. We can say this because we have experienced it first-hand. As such, that so many of you younglings are claiming that you have a solid perspective on the matter amuses us to no end because we remember being your age, and when we compare ourselves now to ourselves then, there's been so much change, it's hard to believe that only a few years have passed.

Perspective comes with time and age, and while you may be beginning to develop that perspective now, it will be years yet before it can begin to be considered a full perspective; developed as it is, I'm certainly not claiming that my perspective is complete.

I guess my main point is that before you blow off the opinions of us older folks, keep in mind that we were your age not too long ago, and we still remember what it was like. It's not like we're as ancient as your parents, after all. ;P

So in the meantime, I shall go off and rejoin my fellow oldies in this corner over here while we sit in our rocking chairs and watch you younglings dash around with the energy we lost a long time ago. ;P
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