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Abstinence

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Sat Jul 04, 2009 8:32 pm
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aestar101 says...



Nowadays the idea of being pure is becoming more mainstream now that celebrities like the Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus are publicly sporting purity rings all over the place. What do you think about the idea of staying pure until marriage? Its it realistic in this day and age? Love it? Hate it?

I think that it's a good concept, but it not realistic in the days where any two fools can drive down to Vegas and get a quickie marriage that lasts for a week, the divorce rate is 50% (you might as well flip a coin to see if your marriage will work). In other words marriage is a fluid concept now. I personally think its better to do it when you're unmarried and its the right person than to be married with wrong person.
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Mon Jul 06, 2009 5:27 am
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Cheshire-Writer says...



I'm practicing absitinence. Great way to avoid STD's :lol:. But seriously I do think it is possible. Think of it this way, if couples aren't so focused on sex they would be able to work out any problems they have before getting married. Sure their will be the fluke get a divorce quick marriages but some will be succesful.




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Mon Jul 06, 2009 5:43 am
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OverEasy says...



I believe you need to know all aspects of a person in order to know if you're going to work with them for the rest of your lives. That includes knowing whether or not you work on a sexual level. It's very important to have a healthy sex life to the person you're married to, it's important to know if you and your partner can click on that leve. I'm not saying sex is the most important thing, but it's right up there with trust and love. You can love someone and still not be able to click with them sexually.

Anyways, I am not saying that you should go sleep with everyone you know, I am saying that sex is not a negative thing. If you look at it on a basic level, it's "just a physical thing" but on a broader scale, it's so much more than that. It's a very emotional process for a lot of people, and it will most certainly bring you to a different level with your partner.

Bottom line, don't do it unless you're ready, and you're with someone you trust. Abstinence works great in theory, but it's simply not practical.

And just to throw this out there, I am 100% against Abstinence-only Education, rather than giving kids the knowledge they need to protect themselves, if they decide to take that step in their relationship. They should learn about how to have safe sex, no matter what.

Not to mention, the statistics of STDs and Teen Pregnancy in Abstinence-only high schools is actually usually much higher than in schools that teach kids how to have safe sex.
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Mon Jul 06, 2009 10:55 am
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aestar101 says...



I agree with OverEasy. I don't think sex before marrage is wrong as long its the right person, and you are not whoring yourself around to everyone. Does you chose to practice abstince have anything to do with your religion?
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Tue Jul 07, 2009 4:10 am
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Cheshire-Writer says...



Nah, I just don't feel like having sex before I'm married, it never seemed like a big thing to me.

Though having a white wedding dress symbolizes the brides virginity and for some reason I think that if your going to have a wedding you shouldn't lie if your not a virgin. I never really thought of it the way OverEasy put it.

Also I find that sometimes sex seems like an absolute necessity in order for a relationship to be confirmed and I hate for it to be that way, it just seems like there's too much pressure to have sex these days. I'm not talking about a personal experience but I don't want to find myself in that situation.




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Tue Jul 07, 2009 6:33 am
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Griffinkeeper says...



Sex used to have a lot of meaning to people, but these days it is very casual. I think the abstinence movement is attempting to return back to the days when sex was meaningful and had a purpose.

Abstinence had an important role. What it did was it gave women some security, so that if they should become pregnant, at least they would have a husband who could support them. The level of support depended on the man, but at least there was something. It also is a way to test just how committed a guy is to you. It can be hard to tell between a guy who is genuinely in love with you and a guy who just wants to add another notch on his bed.

These days there are more options for women, such as abortion and giving their children up for adoption. Contraception has also improved, so there is a lower chance of an unwanted pregnancy (although these still can occur.)

My opinion then is that abstinence is for people who want to be extra careful with their relationships. There aren't any guarantees for relationships, all it does is add another level of screening. Religions encourage abstinence for those reasons and others.

Abstinence can work, but only on an individual basis. People would have to commit themselves to be abstinent and that is not an easy thing to do. There is a lot of pressure, both biological and social that is put on young people to have sex. You would have to put yourself beyond such pressures so that you can actually choose to have sex or not have sex.

Not easy, but possible.
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Tue Jul 07, 2009 6:54 am
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OverEasy says...



Lol of course it's possible, I am just saying it's not always the best option for everyone. If I wanted to, I could stay abstinent. The issue is that I simply don't want to. I have to know in my relationships if I can click with a person on that level. I could never be with someone that I could not be sexual with.

Often times marriages END because the people lose their ability to enjoy sex with each other, and in the end, seek other partners. Marriage councelors will tell you that it is critically important to maintain a healthy sex life with your partner, if you intend to make the relationship work.

On the topic of casual sex... if it's consentual, I honestly don't see the harm in it. Sex does amazing things for the body, helps clear the skin, it's a great work out, not to mention that orgasms make you happy. There are ways to protect yourself from STD's and unwanted pregnancy, and if used properly, the chances of either are very very slim.

On another completely different but somewhat related note, what of people that don't believe in marriage for themselves (like myself)? I have no issues with other people getting married, and I fully support them in their choice, but that will never be the path for me. I've got my own personal issues and protests to the marriage institution and I highly doubt that I will ever enter into matrimony with anyone. And I know that I am hardly the only person that veiws marriage in the same light that I do.

Specific religions tell you that sex before marriage is a sin, but what of us that follow different religions. In mine, sex is (basically) worshiped, and seen as one of the most effective ways to connect with my Goddess on a higher level. It's viewed as a beautiful spiritual act that should happen often and with passion in every relationship. It's not viewed as a casual act, even if it's happening in a casual setting.

Basically, it really depends on your personal beliefs. I won't marry, and I see sex as a very natural, beautiful, spiritual act. I have no intention to abstain. But! I know many people that view it as something very different than I do. I have many friends that are saving themselves for marriage, and though parts of me will never understand that, I respect it.

The only things I can say about sex is, educate yourself fully before ever deciding to take that step.

This is probably really rambly and jumpy, but I think I got most of my points out xD.
"I’m selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I’m out of control, and at times I’m hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst then you sure don’t deserve me at my best." --Marilyn Monroe




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Tue Jul 07, 2009 11:10 am
aestar101 says...



Do any of you guys think sex before marrage is a sin?
Character is what you have left when you've lost everything you can lose. - Evan Esar
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Wed Jul 08, 2009 3:19 am
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Cheshire-Writer says...



aestar101 wrote:Do any of you guys think sex before marrage is a sin?


I think some people do because it's considered a sin of lust in some religion.




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Tue Jul 14, 2009 7:34 pm
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indigochild1991 says...



I agree with OverEasy!
Sex is not and should never be the taboo it once was. A healthy sex life is important for people like interests or a healthy diet etc, and why shouldn't people have the right to find out whether or not they go well together?

However, I think you should do whatever you are more comfortable with. Don't let yourself be pressured into abstinence OR into havig sex.

That's what I think!
'Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night'-Edgar Allan Poe

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Thu Jul 16, 2009 12:58 am
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lukas8u says...



I agree with overeasy too.
I'm just glad she wrote it for me, and saved my fingers the strain. :lol:
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Mon Jul 20, 2009 10:04 pm
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Ellyphant says...



It depends on what type of person you are, I guess. Sex should mean something and you should do it with the right person, but it's a choice. I chose to have it when I was ready as long as I'm with the right person. Married or not. It's very possible. And it's a choice.
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Tue Jul 21, 2009 5:31 am
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Griffinkeeper says...



aestar101 wrote:Do any of you guys think sex before marrage is a sin?


I don't think sex is the sin. Lust is a fairly serious sin, but I don't think you can call all sex before marriage lust.
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Wed Jul 22, 2009 2:19 pm
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summergrl13 says...



Well, if you have sex before marriage then what's the point of getting married? Heck, what's even the point of having a strong relationship if you wanted to just go ahead and have sex with anybody you want. It's not right at all. Especially if you have a kid. That kid will never have a normal life because of that and it's not the child's fault. Not to mention the millions of STDs out there which condoms don't do anything against.

It's hard to wait but just giving in is wrong. How'd you like to know after you got married that your spouse slept with a ton of people and just didn't care about your abstinence that you saved for them.
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Wed Jul 22, 2009 3:25 pm
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indigochild1991 says...



I don't think it's a matter of going ahead and having sex with whoever you want. Isn't it more the issue of whether or not someone should wait to get married before expressing love that way?
If a couple were to marry early, maybe that would be more likely to end in divorce if it was simply to have sex, and wouldn't divorce be harder for a child to endure than birth before marriage?

I was born before my parents married and we have a healthy family life.

I'm not belittling your point-I respect your views.
'Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night'-Edgar Allan Poe

'Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent'-Eleanor Roosevelt