Young Writers Society

I have finally started part of a novel outline. My one paragraph explanation of my idea previously did not do it justice. I was trying not to write such a long and drawn out explanation. But I think it is a little necessary to do so in order for others to review my idea. Below is just a little bit of what's going on. I tried to add information that might be necessary in order for it to seem relevant and interesting that may not sound like such otherwise. So I did my best. This is the very first novel idea outline thingy that I've attempted to do in a VERY long time, so please be understanding of that. And please let me know your honest thoughts.


SET UP

Initially, the story starts off in the month of September, with me illustrating the woven-in instances of abuse, manipulation, and control that Sarah is enduring from her current fiancé. To the reader, these things will be quite obvious, but what will also be very clear to the reader is how ingrained these things are and how to, even a smart, strong, and wonderful woman like Sarah, it may not necessarily be obvious. I'm also planning to illustrate the consequences of this on Sarah and what she's enduring and the toll that it is taking on her. In addition, I'm going to make obvious the strained relationship she has with her very wealthy and influential (as well as judgmental) parents and family and how, that too, is harming her. With all this going on, she has just started her Fall semester of her senior year of undergraduate school and her stress levels are skyrocketing and the pressure is immense. She's feeling a little sick and not herself (from currently unknown reasons that she doesn't much notice or pay attention to.) The huge turning point will be in October, when Sarah's fiancé’s abuse reaches its peak, and everything crumbles apart, and she realizes what is happening to her. And she reaches out to her good friend, Elena, whom she hasn't seen in quite some time due to the control, manipulation, and isolation her (now-ex) fiancé put her through.

PART 1

The night that Sarah reaches out to Elena, she reconnects with Elena's soon to be husband, Jason, and Jason's long-time best friend, Saeed. (Jason and Saeed came to the United Stated about a year ago from the country of Jordan. They are huge, muscled men. They were former bodyguards, bouncers, and professional bodybuilders, and MMA fighters. In Jordan, they established a successful business of teaching the Arabic language to Americans and other foreigners. Through a well-developed program and unique/successful teaching methods, their business was phenomenal. In addition, they co-wrote and published 2 books. And had come to the United States to teach Arabic language and Arab culture at the University and diminish prejudice, stereotypes, and spread information and cultural tolerance.) Sarah turns off her cell phone, drinks with her friends, and is in emotional, physical, and mental turmoil. During the time she spends that night with her friends, all of a sudden, her parents show up at Elena's apartment unexpectedly (because Sarah's phone was off and they discovered where she could be, which was in a "bad part of town" according to them), demanding that Sarah come home. In addition, her parents were not thrilled that she was in the presence of two Arabs and a Russian immigrant. Calmly and surely, after much discussion with the help of Jason and Saeed, her parents eventually left, leaving her to stay there with her friends. This is one of the moments that proves how over-protective, ridiculous, judgmental, etc. her parents and family can be. Even though she is 23 and in college, but living with her parents until she graduates in a few months, Sarah was living in hell. That night, will much alcohol, and other fun moments, she bonds with Saeed. They fall asleep on the couch together and wake up in the morning with new feelings that scare Sarah. That morning, Saeed and Jason leave to go on a trip to Vermont for 2 weeks, teaching a middle school Arabic language and about Arab culture. In the meantime, Sarah returns home and resumes her life. She keeps in contact with Saeed, and is just smitten with how sweet he is. In this time, Sarah discovers that many things in her life need to change. She decides that she needs to get away from her parents (and her parents, as wealthy and influential as they are, would never support her in this), which would mean that she needs to learn about the real world, about getting a real job, and becoming more independent. Through this period of time, she is pressured to start applying for graduate school. She is pressured to get good grades. And Saeed, through daily Skyping, admits that he has true feelings for her (he has never loved or dated anyone seriously) and he wants to pursue what they have between them. Sarah, with everything she's going through, doesn't may much mind. Especially when she realizes in November that the sickness and the icky feelings that she's been experiencing for the last 3 months are signs that she is pregnant...with her ex-fiancé’s baby.

PART 2

When Jason and Saeed return from Vermont, Elena and Jason's wedding takes place. In addition, Sarah is distancing herself from Saeed and is absolutely petrified about her pregnancy confirmation. Her ex-fiancé is also showing signs of stalking her around campus and refusing to return some of her prized belongings that were currently at his apartment. She files a report and complaint to the police against his harassment and threats. And she's still experiencing and trying to overcome the insecurities and the damage that she has endured from being in an abusive relationship. In addition, Jason is looking for a job and money is tight, as Elena is also in college. Saeed, living with a host family, has to abide by host family's rules and has to also share a car with the couple. Finally, in December, she informs her family that she will graduate in a few months, but she will be taking a year or two off before attending Graduate School. They are absolutely furious and do not accept her decision. Also, Sarah finally announces the news about her pregnancy. Her family says that she has brought to much shame to the family name and that she is a disgrace. And the only way she could ever hope to regain her honor is by placing her baby for adoption. Through sneaky and hidden means, her ex-fiancé discovers news about her pregnancy and corners her, demanding that she get an abortion. She turns to Saeed, Jason, and Elena for support, as she feels like her entire world is crashing down around her. And all of a sudden, Jason and Elena are having marital problems and conflict like never before. Everything that Sarah has once trusted and believes in is all disappearing and she has lost all hope and confidence and strength.

PART 3

In January, Sarah finds a small job doing Public Relations for a Social Justice non-profit organization. In addition, Saeed is faced with issues with his current Visa, which expires soon. He is faced with the choice of accepting the request from Sarah's University to teach Arabic in the Spring semester, or not accept the offer and instead move to North Carolina and work at a pizza restaurant owned by his cousins, have their help in getting an apartment and car, and saving up money. If he accepts the position at the University, he won't make much money, he'll have to get a second job, and he would have to continue living with his host family, but he could get his Visa status changed to either 5 months or 2 years, depending on what the authorities decide. Or, he could move to North Carolina, which would only extend his Visa for 5 months and then he would have to try to extend it more, with the uncertainty whether it would be extended or whether he would be forced to go back home to Jordan. Sarah is being pressured about making a decision concerning the baby and she eventually decides to place her child for adoption. Through police protocol and procedure, she still has to deal with the harassment and the stalking of her ex-fiancé. Sarah finally meets with an adoption agency (the same adoption agency her parents used when they adopted her) to discuss the adoption process. In addition, Sarah becomes increasingly curious about her own biological family and starts to feel a void. She starts to feel alone, unsure of her identity, and starts questioning and wondering about her own origins. While helping her through the adoption process, the agency also agrees to assist her in finding and locating her birth parents and put her in contact with them if she so chooses to do so. And Saeed decides that he is going to accept the job from the university because he wants to be with Sarah. He loves her. But Sarah is trying to avoid the messy situation of love. It's not something she can handle at the present moment. And her beliefs about love are being threatened as she witnesses the marital conflict and strife that Jason and Elena are going through--something she never thought she'd witness between a couple like them. She struggles to deal with her own life problems and the start of Spring semester (end of January/early February) while trying her best to be there for her friend Elena, as Elena and Jason are, shockingly, considering divorce.

PART 4

Saeed is beginning his teaching job and Sarah is starting the last semester of her senior year of college. She is working hard at her non-profit Social Justice job. She is reading about and meeting prospective adoptive couples for her baby and she is finding information about her own birth family. A lot of the information comes as a shock and surprise and some of it makes her sick to her stomach and fearful of her own family origins and background. She becomes conflicted and confused about her identity based on that of her birth family. It also makes her very sad and upset, because secretly she had hoped that her birth family would be more loving and accepting of her than her own parents were. Saeed tells Sarah that he is madly in love with her and he thinks that she is the one for him and that he wants to be with her forever. They get into a huge argument and their relationship becomes strained due to Sarah's fear of commitment and other disagreements, cultural differences, and her insecurities from her previous relationship. Saeed declares that he wants to marry her. He takes a second job in addition to the university teaching and they see each other less. In addition, Jason and Elena announce that they are indeed divorcing. And the lawyer informs Saeed that they did extend his Visa, but it is only until the end of May, after he finishes teaching. Sarah is confused, hurt, and devastated by this news, and is unsure how to respond, so she pushes herself further away from Saeed. Saeed decides that after teaching, he will just move to North Carolina as planned, and try to get his Visa extended more. He, of course, wants Sarah to come with him after she graduates in May, but of course, she avoids thinking about the idea, causing hurt feelings for Saeed and an even more strained relationship.

PART 5

In early March, there is a horrific car accident involving Jason and Saeed. This catastrophic event is what ends up bringing Elena and Jason back together and rekindling their love and commitment and the realization that they cannot live without each other. And they will work through all the problems that they have through sickness and in health. In addition, this accident was the moment in which Sarah truly realized and accepts that she does indeed love Saeed. Finally, she actually starts to think about North Carolina and moving there after graduation. She also meets with the adoptive couple that she has chosen to adopt her baby. She has a lot to think about and accomplish before graduation. But she's hopeful for the first time that everything will turn out ok.

PART 6

In April, Sarah's ex-fiancé tries to interfere with the adoption plans and process. It turns into a huge chaotic mess and headache. Also, Sarah is worried about Saeed's Visa expiring. After a severe fall down the stairs, Sarah is rushed to the emergency room, 8 months pregnant, with concern about the harm that could have been caused to her baby. Everyone is all up in arms and flustered by the situation, emotions and stress levels run high. After much panic and dread, it is revealed that the baby is ok. It is in this moment that Sarah realizes how upset and afraid she was about losing her baby. And it is in this moment that she changes her mind about the adoption. She decides that she wants to be a mother. This decision is not taken lightly by Sarah's family. In fact, they completely reject her and she is forced to temporarily move in with Elena and Jason. Now, she is under stress of graduating in less than a month, the decision to become a mother, and now she has to prepare for the baby that's coming. In addition, it is discovered that her ex-fiancé, once again, is interfering. He threatens to try to gain custody of the baby. And knowing the reach and resources at his disposal, Sarah fears that he could possibly succeed. And in addition to all this ruckus and commotion, Saeed is now determined more than ever to marry Sarah and wants to have a wedding soon. Sarah is overwhelmed and crazed, and at the point of a breakdown, feeling so scared and insecure. In addition, without the wealth, the resources, the vehicle, and other things that have always been provided to her by her parents, she feels like the real world is an impossible reality.

PART 7

In the beginning of May, Saeed is finished teaching and Sarah graduates from college and begs Sarah to marry him. Now. Before the baby comes. It is at this time, that Elena put together a small baby shower, and then hours later, helped transform Sarah into a bride and she married Saeed. While packing up and preparing for the move to North Carolina, Sarah goes into labor 2 weeks ahead of schedule. In this rush of chaotic madness, Sarah's happiness, fears, hopes, and dreams come alive in an instant. After being in labor for 12 hours, she gives birth to a beautiful baby boy, whom they decide to call Alexander Saeed. Then, while continuing to pack, they are visited by Immigration authorities and questioned extensively about the validity of their relationship. Sarah is exhausted and a new mother and can't even think straight. In addition, she is served the paperwork that her ex-fiancé is seeking legal rights to her child. And that she will most likely have to set up visitation with him.

PART 8

The finally move to North Carolina in the beginning of June. This proves to be very stressful for Sarah and Saeed. While having to temporarily share a residence with Saeed's very conservative cousins, she fears the loss of her sanity. She has no privacy and she is bound now by strict cultural expectations enforced by his cousins’' family while they reside with them. Saeed begins work there immediately, often working very long hours. He attempts to not only provide for them, but also wants to send money to his family in Jordan, which upsets Sarah because they are barely getting by as it is, and he is sending lots of money away. Sarah is boggled by how to be a mother and feels all alone in this transition. And because of her decision to postpone graduate school, her undergrad student loan bills start to take effect. And the stress of having to start paying off the loans is almost too much to take. The baby is not allowing Sarah any rest or sleep. She feels judged by the women in the house. And there is much unnecessary conflict and gossip originating with the cousins and their wives. She has many emotional breakdowns and feels that she just can't handle this. She is depressed about her body and depressed about the situation. She is lonely and is upset her family just disowned her. Saeed is trying to talk to her about a honeymoon trip and about possibly moving to Jordan in the future. And her head is just swimming and she can't take it anymore. After leaving one of the cousins to babysit her baby for an entire evening, Sarah drowns her sorrows in alcohol. Saeed comes home from work to find his wife very drunk. He is absolutely enraged and they have a huge argument.

PART 9

In early July, Saeed get a job offer to teach Arabic language at North Carolina State University. And slowly, he and Sarah are learning how to work together and communicate and parent like a married couple. They experience random visits from Immigration. And in addition, Sarah's ex shows up and he is given legal rights to have visitation, which really upsets her. After her ex provokes her intentionally, Saeed throws a punch and starts a fight, which lands both Saeed and her ex in jail for the night. In addition, Saeed brings up his desire to adopt her baby legally as his own, which would mean that her ex would have to relinquish his parental rights in order for Saeed to legally gain custody. This opens another legal battle that Sarah would rather avoid. But in August, Sarah celebrates her 24th birthday in North Carolina with Saeed, Jason, and Elena. And things are becoming routine and easier to handle. When Jason and Saeed go on a business trip to Oregon to teach Arabic Language and Culture at a conference for two weeks, Elena stays with Sarah and the baby. And they catch up like old times, talk about married life, etc. And Elena spills the news that she has been experiencing 2 miscarriages. And that it's been hard for her and Jason.


THIS IS ALL THAT I AM GOING TO SHARE SO FAR. PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR HONEST THOUGHTS.

Do you know what your end is?

I have some possible ending ideas but I'm not sure yet.

I want Sarah's family to eventually accept her, her husband, and the child. I'm not sure everything will ever be 100% perfect with her family, but I was thinking that it would be a nice start. So maybe something that could provoke this is her father dying of a heart attack or something and she goes to the funeral or something. I'm not sure.

Also, I was considering adding a move or a trip to Jordan into the novel. That's a possibility. And maybe they move there permanently in the end? I'm not sure.

My advise to you, is write down where you want to end this. Because right now, it's going everywhere, including nowhere. I also think that what Rosey Unicorn meant by a 'twist' was that you needed a unpredictable, original, turn of events.

Now you certainly showed us Sarah's life history - but do you really think all that could/would happen in less than a year? I don't, and your readers wont either.

So if you want my take on how to make your story thoughtful, interesting, and original. Than here we go...

You need to take out some of the dramatic events, such as; the divorce, the car crash, one of the two weddings, the stair fall, disownment... These aren't hooking the reader, there pushing us away.

Next you need a good, solid, plot. Sure, you have someone's life, but why? What do you hope to achieve by this? What will the reader take away?

Writing super well, is not going to change the fact that you need a story, a foundation, a firm line connecting point A to point B... and then C and D.

Esp. Billy wants to go buy a apple with his allowance he's saved up. He can't find his shoes, so he borrows his big sisters. On the way to the market, someone attacks him and steals the shoes. Billy now feels bad that he has lost his sisters shoes, and decides to buy a new pair instead of buying the apple for himself.

That story, though short and childish, has meaning and a plot. Notice how Billy doesn't go visit a friend first, his head doesn't hurt for no reason, he doesn't get bitten by a snake, his sister doesn't hate him forever for what happened to her shoes, and so on.

All I am saying, is that you can have a clear, realistic, interesting story without all the drama. Though his sister might be a little upset that he went to the market alone, she's not going to say she hates how stupid he is and that she'll hate him forever because of it, only to return in ten minutes to tell him she'll always love him.

Thank you for the feedback. It's greatly appreciated. I think my problem is that in my head, all these events make sense and make dramatic turn points and are important to the overall story, but somehow, I'm not connecting them together properly. I'm just struggling with the set-up and layout. Once I can get the plot, set-up, etc, I could have a decent story.

I'm trying to start small and then build stuff up until it actually looks like a story. And part of managing my creativity is getting it all organized into a well-structured novel.

I think I need to get a one-sentence summary of the novel that ties together the big picture and the personal picture. I'm having difficuty narrowing this down and I think that's part of the problem.

Then, I tried to expand what I wrote previously, which is everything that I wrote out here. I was trying to do what the snowflake method describes as the setup, the disasters, and an ending. And that's why I included some of the drama and the stuff that I did include.

I appreciate your feedback in saying that all the drama isn't hooking the reader, but actually pushing the reader away. Thank you for this feedback. I think this is essential as advice for me to improve as a writer. But would you mind explaining how or why it's pushing the reader away rather than drawing them in? Maybe if I can understand this, I can fix it.

For a plot, I need to make it more solid. Do you have any ideas about where I could go with this? What some goals I could work to achieve? What I could possible aim for the reader to take away? Or how I can get the reader invested? Why the reader should care?

And you are absolutely right that I need a firm line connecting point A to point be, and then C and D. You are absolutely correct. I sometimes get all the big stuff and don't make logical connections. Or, if I do, I somehow don't convey them well to the reader. Any ideas how I can make some connections with the information that I already have?

Again, I cannot thank you enough for your feedback. Thank you thank you thank you!

I'm really glad you didn't take what I said to offense! And though I can't answer your questions today, I'm going to try next week ( sorry about that, things are crazy here ). If for some reason I forget, feel free to drop by my wall and remind me! XD

Ok. So what did you need help with exactly? You have an entire story line written out! Just get started!
It sounds like it will be very moving and emotional, but I have one thing I am going to say.
A book is normally not her entire life written out on paper. I think you need to isolate a part of her college life, maybe a year or so, and have it on that. There needs to be constant turmoil in her life. Her love life needs lots of twists and turns(not for the good. breakup, etc... )
Really, all you need to do is work on it. A book can never improve and you can never improve unless you write. And write. And write. For the record, it takes a lot! I have written about 230,000 words so far on mine and I still think its terrible.
Ugh, that wasn't very inspiring. Sorry! But yes. Great story line, I think. Needs to focus on a certain part of her life, unless the "parts" are different books. Let me know what you think and what you think is wrong with what I said!

Thank you for your response!! I really appreciate your advice and feedback!!! THANK YOU

I agree with what @TimmyJake said about just writing... You need to write, if you want to be a writer (it's the same with Art )... and I don't just mean once in awhile, try your hand at everything; short stories, poetry, songs... keep a journal, write down your every thought. Try different types of writing such as; horror, fantasy, romance, shriller, supernatural, humor - all these will improve you as a writer by simply writing them, and as a bonus, you might find that you like writing shriller or fantasy short stories, novels, etc.

Now to try and answer your questions.

1) Why does too much drama push the reader away?

I think it's because we can't always relate to all these things that are going on in the characters life - I look around me at the people I know, and not one of them have had as much action as Sarah, in there whole life. Except maybe my grandmother, who went through the war.

I think it just doesn't seem real to me/us - and don't get me wrong, there are people that have dramatic lives, but to the average person it's over the top.


2) Plots.

I've never finished a novel myself - so why are you listening to me? I'm not sure - but I have wrote some short stories, and I think that they're a big help in figuring out what the heck a plot is. How to improve them and so on. I highly advise writing short stories. Why? Because they're basically a little novel, and it's a way to practise plots.

Also, read the backs of the books in your bookshelf. And after that, maybe try writing a back for a book, based on the backs you read. I think if you try things like this you'll start to get an idea for how to make the reader care. It's things like deep meanings they never would have thought, if you hadn't told them.

Awhile ago, I was the worst at writing beginnings of stories - what am I suppose to write for that first line?! So I pulled out a bunch of books and read their first few lines, and now I can write beginnings ( I did that with ends, too )! And you know, it doesn't matter if you read a couple corny, not-so-great books either, 'cause then you know what to avoid.


3) How can I make connections with the information that I already have?

I'm not entirely sure about this. I think you need to find your plot before trying to connect the events you have. Your plot is what connects everything, so yeah.

I also agree with your one-sentence summery idea as well.

Hope this answered your questions/helps!