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My Story, Is it more trouble than it's worth?



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Tue Oct 22, 2013 4:28 am
yubbies21 says...



I've been practicing my writing skills by writing some Hunger Games fan-fic. I've written all about the chariot rides, the training, the interviews, and the First day of the Hunger Games so far. I'm writing it in sections and from different points of views. I tweaked it a bit so that only thirteen people compete in the HG. At this point, I think I made a mistake.

I decided to use my classmates as the characters. While it's been easy to write because I know them so well, it hurts so badly. I've written parts about them dying, horrible, gruesome deaths at each others hands. It makes me feel satisfied that I can write dark, bloody stuff, but it hurts too, thinking and picturing it as people that you hold close to your heart. I usually write light-hearted stuff, so it's a big step to write things about murder.

I've put a lot of time and effort into this story. I've fallen in love with writing it. But it hurts so badly. I feel so guilty just murdering them in this story, but it makes me happy to have accomplished something new. In the spoiler is a bit I wrote about a death, the first death.

Kristofer's Death-Kristofer's POV
Spoiler! :
His mind zeroed in on the important things. Twelve other tributes stood stock-still, all in a ring. A mound of supplies was gathered in the mouth of the golden cave, less valuable possessions scattered out toward the tributes. Sharp weapons were laid out, all in a row. I’m going to die! He screamed in his mind. Then the gong was sounded and all hell broke loose.

A chaotic battle unfolded in front of him as he rushed forward to gather supplies. He quickly checked behind himself to make sure no one was coming and dove forward to scoop up a backpack. Hard metal smashed into his face. His sight blurred red with pain. Blood spattered onto the ground and stained his shirt red in seconds. Pools of it gathered everywhere around him. He could barely move his mouth, full of splintered and useless teeth; he started choking on hot, salty blood that dripped down the back of his throat and into his lungs.

His eyes opened for a brief second and everything felt and looked wrong. Everything was twisted and out of proportion. He was on the ground in a flood of red puddles, contorted in pain. His hands felt his forehead, trying to staunch the increasing flow of fiery blood, but they only felt a crater, an indentation. He was filled with pain, only pain, nothing else. He raised a feeble, stuttering hand covered in steamy blood, begging for someone to have mercy and to end his life.

Then, someone finally threw a blade. It landed right on target, burying its shaft in Kristofer’s head. His pain ended as he died instantly.


This is what I wrote, it wasn't a death scene, but it still hurt. I hated writing it, but felt so wonderful after my accomplishment. (By the way- I am Emma, one of my close friends is Katie, Jordan is a stupid very masculine person and a "tough guy" (that dude has some serious muscle! He isn't that impressive... He does some serious weight-lifting! He probably just does sit-ups two night a week...(in denial :wink: )), and Justin is my crush (although you probably wouldn't believe that after what I just said about Jordan...). Katie, Justin, and Jordan are all cousins.) It really hurt to have to write this, because I was inflicting pain on someone that I really liked.

Justin's Injury-Justin's POV
Spoiler! :
Emma had put herself to work sorting through the packs. She found sterile bandages in Justin’s, basic first aid supplies in her own, advanced first aid materials in Katie’s and borrowed one of Jordan’s short knives.
Katie had finally gotten a small fire blazing. “Perfect!” Emma had cheered. “Now comes the bad part.”
“What bad part?” inquired Justin, slightly nervous.
“Dealing with the injuries.”
Justin had hobbled over, each step bringing a fresh wave of agonizing pain, and seated himself on the smooth stone. “How bad is it?” He asked Emma, biting his lip.
“Not too bad. From what I can tell it didn’t hit the bone.” Justin had just felt the tip of it touching the bone, but the arrowhead wasn’t embedded in it. Emma picked up a knife she had borrowed.
“What are you going to do with that?” he questioned.
“Well, after I pull the arrow out, it’s going to bleed really bad. Since I’m not prepared to deal with extensive blood loss, I’ll cauterize the wound.”
Katie sucked in her breath. “That’s going to hurt.”
“What does ‘cauterize’ mean?” Justin asked, not sure if he really wanted to know.
“It means,” Katie stated, “That after she pulls the arrow out, she places the knife blade that was in the fire on your skin to stop the bleeding.”
“That sounds like fun.” Sarcasm was the only answer he could give to a statement like that.
“No,” Jordan said over his shoulder, “not really.”
“Just be glad we have lots of water. Katie, could I get you to fill all the containers we have with spring water?” Katie got up, grabbing the nearly empty water containers. Emma continued talking to Justin. “The water is to pour on the wound after I cauterize it so it stops burning the flesh.”
“Just be gentle, okay?” Justin asked.
Sucking in a breath, Emma said, “No promises.” Awkward silence filled the minutes in which Katie was retrieving water. Justin leaned back on his elbows, keeping the throbbing, damaged leg as straight as possible. Upon Katie’s arrival, Emma said, “Oh, thanks. But I have a difficult job for both of you.” She stated, pointing at Katie and Jordan. “I have to pull this out and cauterize it and if he jumps, I could hurt him more. So I need Katie to hold his arms down and Jordan to hold his legs down.”
Gulping, Justin allowed Katie and Jordan to pin him to the ground. Katie was gentle with his damaged shoulder, but still put enough pressure on that he wouldn't be able to get up.
“Here,” Emma said, shoving something in his direction, “I found this pair of extra socks. Put it in your mouth.”
“Why?” questioned Justin, just before Emma shoved them in his mouth.
“We don’t want anyone to know our location because of your screaming, do we?” Justin didn’t answer, perturbed. “I’m sorry, but it’s for your own good.” Emma paused, a note of pity in her voice. “Ready?” she asked in a take charge manner.
“Ready.” replied Katie and Jordan at the same time.
“Whatever you do, don’t tense up your leg, okay, Justin?” She put a hand on his shoulder when she said this, making sure he understood. He nodded quickly, eyes shut tight, teeth clenched on the pair of socks.
He felt a slight pressure inside his leg as Emma placed a firm grasp on the arrow shaft right near the red, inflamed skin. Pain contorted his body as she yanked it out. He didn’t unseat Katie or Jordan, but tears threatened to squeeze out of his eyes as Emma placed the glowing knife tip onto the blood-gushing hole. Blood spurted out of the wound as Justin tried not to tense up, the steamy liquid bubbling down his leg and onto the stone floor. A strangled noise rose in his throat. Cold water splashed onto the sizzling wound. Before Emma poured water over it, he swore he smelt burning flesh. The cold numbed the pain away.
“There.” Emma breathed. “That wasn’t so bad.” She wiped her hands as Katie and Jordan lifted their hands and let Justin up. “Could you guys help him to his bed? I’m going to find the pills and bandages.”
“Don’t worry Katie, I got this.” said Jordan. Jordan dragged him to the bed, Justin’s body unwilling to move from the stress and tension.
Emma came over a minute later and carefully applied medicinal concoctions to the open wound and wrapped it tightly with a sterile bandage. She gave him two tiny oval pills and a bottle of water. “Take these. They’ll reduce the swelling.” Thanking her, he swallowed them eagerly. While he sipped on the water he marveled to himself, That was probably the worst thing I've ever been through.
He watched as Emma quickly tore off strips of white medical tape to wrap over the bandage around Jordan’s arm. She worked methodically and effortlessly. As soon as Jordan’s arm was as good as new, she returned her attention to Justin’s injuries. “Let’s take a look at your shoulder.” Justin slipped off his jacket. A throng of tiny holes were threaded through the shoulder of his jacket and shirt, accompanied by dried bloodstains. Emma rubbed some disinfectant into the wounds, producing a terrible stinging in the worst of them. The pain soon faded as she placed a dab of medicine on each one from a metal tube. The tube came from inside one of the medical bags. She hurriedly put a Band-Aid over the very worst of them, a jagged slice an inch deep on the back of his right shoulder. In another minute she was finished.


It all really hurt to write, but I feel so proud when I finish a segment. I've grown really attached to this story- It's already 25,000 words long. I don't want to just scrap it, but it's really painful. I hate doing this to my friends, but I feel that I will be a better writer if I struggle through it. What should I do?


Just to be clear, I'm not looking for reviews!
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Tue Oct 22, 2013 8:02 pm
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Holysocks says...



Have you thought about showing some of your friends it? I think that you might feel more comfortable, if their like; "Wow, cool......you wrote a Hunger Games fan-fic with us as the characters?! That's pretty awesome."

See, one time, one of my friends did a sort of comic strip of my other friends and myself. He took random pictures of us while we were all on a walk.....and made us into not that smart of characters... The point is, it was fun. We laughed soooo hard, and didn't care what he'd made us out to be.

You know your friends, but maybe they'd enjoy seeing what you have written....and maybe with their suport, you wouldn't feel quite as bad! :-P
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Tue Oct 22, 2013 8:10 pm
OliveDreams says...



Hey yubbies :)

I think you have a great idea for improving & practicing your writing! What a great way to get into it by writing about something that you love!

I also think that's its great that you know & love your friends so much that you can write them in detail & then feel guilty about killing them off!

If you really are finding it difficult...then give yourself a new challenge! Invent some characters of your very own. Create whatever you like and then you won't have to feel bad when you chop their leg off or take their fingers one by one.

That way - you will have achieved something new, feel great about your accomplishment & you will have nothing to feel bad about.

Good luck...Olive <3
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Tue Oct 22, 2013 8:20 pm
Messenger says...



I agree with holysocks and olivedreams.
  





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Tue Oct 22, 2013 8:35 pm
Iggy says...



Hello yubbies!

First off, I agree with Holysock about showing your friends. You really never know how they will react until you show them and find out! Who knows, maybe they'll feel honored?

Second, sever the connection between your characters and your friends. Immediately. It's just a name, regardless of who else shares the name. Once you make the connection between your characters and your friends, you put yourself in a position to feel affected as you kill them off.

Last, why are you even using their names? You do know that Suzanne Collins specifically uses unique names for her universe, right? They even call it the Hunger Games-esque style names. If your friends have common mundane names like Sarah and James, you should definitely consider changing them.

Best of luck!
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Tue Oct 22, 2013 9:01 pm
AmethystNight says...



Hello,
I understand the problem you're having well. When writing my characters, I often base part of them on my friends. The trick is to allow yourself to become attatched to your character so that when you write, epecially from character POV, the reader can feel the emotion in the scenes that are tough, but you must remember that, at the end of the day, it's fiction. Nothing you've written has really happened. Your friends are fine. If you really do find it too upsetting then I agree with the others - you should change the names. It will help to create boundaries. If you can fight through it though, I think that it will help your writing. I think that it's normal to be pained when you kill off a character and I think that it provides a better reading experience. I wish you the best of luck and, personally, implore you to continue with your story - an unfinished tale is a sad tale indeed.
  





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Wed Oct 23, 2013 12:09 am
Tenyo says...



Interesting predicament!

I never base my characters on real people, so this isn't something I've ever personally experienced.

I know how painful writing can be, though. Dancers put their bodies through so much each day just for that final performance. Brass players who have to fight the ache in their bones from holding such heaving instruments. Graphic novelists get headaches from staring at the page so hard.

Then there's the long term damage, like dancers with huge blisters and strained muscles, musicians who have to give up because of severe RSI, and novelists who suffer visual deterioration from the eye strain.

We all suffer for our art, and it always hurts, but there are things you must do to keep yourself healthy, and know when to draw the line.

If you're anything like me then you'll get emotionally lost in your work. If seeing your friends die reaches the point where you find it hard to step away from the work, or if you get feelings of unease even when you're not writing, it's time to step away.

When you switch off, switch off completely. When you're writing, disengage from reality. There should be a line between the two.

Your mind is a precious thing and needs to be taken care of. Maybe you could try not writing such detailed killing scenes until you feel strong enough to do so.

Also, Holysocks advice is good. At least if you do that you can laugh about with the people who matter and because it's just a story, it doesn't mean anything.
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Wed Oct 23, 2013 2:39 am
yubbies21 says...



Thank-you so much everybody. I will definitely be taking all of these opinions into deep consideration.
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Wed Oct 23, 2013 4:05 am
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yubbies21 says...



I believe I found a way to deal with it. I wanted to keep the names and still think of them as the same people. So, after each death and we see their faces in the sky, I had another person think about them and mourn their death, remembering all of the great things about that person. It feels so wonderful to have found a solution that lessens the pain, but is still real to me at the same time. Tomorrow, I will definitely be showing my friends the story I have so far, and I will finish it completely as time goes on.
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Sat Nov 09, 2013 3:47 pm
deleted5 says...



Good for you! :D
I don't really get that problem but I think as my story progresses I will get that as I am basically tossing them around like rag-dolls. :(
Well done in solving that!
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