Young Writers Society

Sorry to be a bother, but just want some feedback on my idea for a story based on a comic I read.

A couple of friends are over at their friend's house. He invited them over because he found this weird board game called "Transformation" in his basement. So anyways, they set up the game and begin. One guy rolls the dice and he lands a space that says "Card. He picks the card and it says "Baby". He suddenly begins to transform into a one month old baby, force to re-live his life from that age.

Well?

Um bump....Please Don't hate me, I'm New

Sounds interesting! Would the story be based on the baby? Would that baby retain the memories of the boy? If he does, that would remind me of this poem http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/work.php?id=103681
And the whole concept reminds me of "Jumanji"
I would be very interested in how that turns out! Do it!

fortis wrote:Sounds interesting! Would the story be based on the baby? Would that baby retain the memories of the boy? If he does, that would remind me of this poem Back In Time.
And the whole concept reminds me of "Jumanji"
I would be very interested in how that turns out! Do it!

@fortis The story would be from a Third Person perspective and would focus on the baby and whoever decide to actually take care of it. The baby would have no memories of his past life and his parents wouldn't exist anymore forcing one of the other players to raise him again. I based it heavily off a comic I read on Devianart that was based off of Jumanji! Lol here's the comic: http://okayokayokok.deviantart.com/art/ ... -299599358

It's in two parts, so make sure to read the end. Part 2, u might not be able to view because it has a Mature Content Filter, I can post it here if you want to see it. It's nothing extreme. It's just a mom breastfeeding the guy who got transformed into the baby. No Nude parts.

Anyone else mind giving their thoughts in my idea? Just want some feedback, being a bit impatient but that's how I am sometimes.

This is the last bump I'll post. I promise.

You don't need to bump topics to keep them alive! Resources is pretty slow, so you need a little bit of patience.

It sounds kinda interesting? One thing to remember, though, is day to day life isn't all that interesting.

It also completely negates his parents and how they'll react.

Could you flesh out the whole world a bit more? It sounds like this is really the story for the boys and parents who have to re-raise the baby than anything else, but I'm not sure how interesting a comic that just follows somebody raising a baby would be.

Rosey Unicorn wrote:You don't need to bump topics to keep them alive! Resources is pretty slow, so you need a little bit of patience.

It sounds kinda interesting? One thing to remember, though, is day to day life isn't all that interesting.

It also completely negates his parents and how they'll react.

Could you flesh out the whole world a bit more? It sounds like this is really the story for the boys and parents who have to re-raise the baby than anything else, but I'm not sure how interesting a comic that just follows somebody raising a baby would be.

Well, I really think this would be bad idea because my plan was to write it where it was everyday life but the person who took the baby home would have their parents have to deal with it. Do you guys Role-play on this site, because I think it would turn out as a good role-play.

... Yeah, but you're still ignoring the person's parents. They would suddenly be missing a son (if the teenagers didn't tell them about the game, this would look like a missing person's case) or would suddenly have a baby as a son again.

School would wonder what happened to the guy, because school does keep a record of who attends and how many classes they miss. Depending on the regional regulation, the parents could be dragged through a ton of legal mess for not sending their children to school (which is often mandated till 18 in the US, ie- you can't get out of it)

This teenager will have a whole life around him that will be wondering where he is. "Life" includes friends, school, parents, extended family, possibly a job, possibly clubs/extracurriculars, possibly sports teams. All of these would be impacted if he suddenly turned into a baby.

Also, there's no end point. What are they working towards. Just raising it again without considering the social life impact? Where is the interest in that? At the very least, you have to consider the social life and the resulting freak out from all parties to get me interested. Then the end point is when everything's sort of normal. Option 2 is working to find the "reset" button to get him back, all the while dealing with the aforementioned social life. Option 2 is also far more fantasy oriented.

Basically, considere the guy's social life and the impact him transforming will make on it before putting this up.

Rosey Unicorn wrote:... Yeah, but you're still ignoring the person's parents. They would suddenly be missing a son (if the teenagers didn't tell them about the game, this would look like a missing person's case) or would suddenly have a baby as a son again.

School would wonder what happened to the guy, because school does keep a record of who attends and how many classes they miss. Depending on the regional regulation, the parents could be dragged through a ton of legal mess for not sending their children to school (which is often mandated till 18 in the US, ie- you can't get out of it)

This teenager will have a whole life around him that will be wondering where he is. "Life" includes friends, school, parents, extended family, possibly a job, possibly clubs/extracurriculars, possibly sports teams. All of these would be impacted if he suddenly turned into a baby.

Also, there's no end point. What are they working towards. Just raising it again without considering the social life impact? Where is the interest in that? At the very least, you have to consider the social life and the resulting freak out from all parties to get me interested. Then the end point is when everything's sort of normal. Option 2 is working to find the "reset" button to get him back, all the while dealing with the aforementioned social life. Option 2 is also far more fantasy oriented.

Basically, considere the guy's social life and the impact him transforming will make on it before putting this up.

Well then...I guess its back to the Drawing Board xD Don't think I took this as offensive, because I didn't. You basically described how boring of a story this could possibly be! Lol, Thanks!

AdmiralTyler wrote:Well then...I guess its back to the Drawing Board xD Don't think I took this as offensive, because I didn't. You basically described how boring of a story this could possibly be! Lol, Thanks!

Don't look at it that way.
Au contraire, Rosey pointed out to some details and shades, which could only make the story more interesting and feeling real on more than one level

It's an intriguing idea - but behind every such idea, there's a lot of little things one must pay attention to in order to make it work. It could be terribly boring, yes, like almost any story could if not thought of into enough depth - but I'm fairly sure it can be amazing as well, if given enough attention and care ^^

AriaAdams wrote:

AdmiralTyler wrote:Well then...I guess its back to the Drawing Board xD Don't think I took this as offensive, because I didn't. You basically described how boring of a story this could possibly be! Lol, Thanks!

Don't look at it that way.
Au contraire, Rosey pointed out to some details and shades, which could only make the story more interesting and feeling real on more than one level

It's an intriguing idea - but behind every such idea, there's a lot of little things one must pay attention to in order to make it work. It could be terribly boring, yes, like almost any story could if not thought of into enough depth - but I'm fairly sure it can be amazing as well, if given enough attention and care ^^

Well, Now I really don't know what to do :/

I think that this would work really well as a comedy aimed at an audience of gender-neutral or male pre-teens.

You would not have to worry about hardly of that technical stuff at all that the other people mentioned. You could develop humourous parents as well. could focus on the humour of it such as having one of the boy's friends, another boy, have to to look after him. Also written in first person from the guy looking after him.

I also think it would work better if it was a crawling baby so he could get into mischief. You could also have it a mystery if the baby has retained his older mind or not so the reader wonders if the trouble is intentional.

I'm thinking of stories such as those written by Andy Griffens and Paul Jennings.
I don't think this would work as a sustained novel but would be very effective as a small novella.


If you decide to pursuit this suggestion I would be very interested in this and you should throw me a Pm.

AdmiralTyler wrote:Well, Now I really don't know what to do :/

Make the story more interesting by developing the world around the teenage group.

I've given you some points:

1- Parents. How are they going to handle it? Will they know? Will the cops get involved because they think he's missing?
2- School. How are parents and/or teenagers going to deal with it?
3- Will it be fantasy, a magical trip to get him back? Or will it be just dealing with the ramifications of a teenager becoming a baby?

Ideas don't have to be thrown out when they're not developed enough. They simply need more development. Ask yourself how the world around him and the group of teenagers would react to one of their friends turning into a baby because of a game.

Never forget the social life (because that's where a ton of ideas can come from) and never forget the character reactions.

Just develop the idea more and you'll be fine. All ideas have potential to be amazing, just like all ideas have potential to be boring.

Trust me. All ideas can be badly handled.

I love this idea. It reminds me a bit of Jumanji, which is one of my favourite movies of all time. The thing with Jumanji was that the game still needed to be played even after everything went to pots.

'Transformation' has sooo much potential and so many roads it can go down for the same reason. Just think of the plot twists.

I once wrote a novel called 'if I'm old before i'm young,' which had a similar theme. It was a man who woke up in the body of a young boy. At first I thought it would be easy, but oh was I wrong.

I think one of the biggest issues was sexuality. Things like, having the sexual experiences of a man in the mind of a young boy. Or was it the body of a young boy desiring the intimacy he had with his wife. There are so many ways it could go badly wrong >.< And sure, it was so hard to work out, but it was great fun too!

Rosey makes some good points, but don't sweat it too much. Remember to make it enjoyable too. Also, if you're writing from the perspective of a baby, you're not going to see a lot of the world anyway.

Coming over all the obstacles isn't a grim thing. It's fun, because it means you get to be creative and think about things that you normally wouldn't.

I think this is an awesome idea, and you should totally go ahead with it!

Also, don't be so meek! Forums are for discussing, and I really enjoy reading other peoples ideas and helping out, so post and prod as much as you like. =]