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Wed Apr 17, 2013 9:42 pm
Twit says...



Something I've been trying of late is squeezing my writing projects into one or two sentences, a la Blake Snyder.

Thoughts on the below?


An unruly half-fey girl tries to foil her social worker's political ambitions while struggling to steal her freedom and find her family.




Also, a blurb:

Spoiler! :
Summer is drawing to a close, and with the end of the season, the fey are making their preparations for the changing over to the Winter Courts. Even for a small town in the middle of nowhere, the changing of a court is a pretty big deal; old jobs are terminated, new positions introduced, and the King and Queen of each district take a personal interest in their staff for the new season. Even though she's required to entertain at court, thirteen-year old Dara has no interest in politics. Her priorities are her Pack of fey-linked dogs, trying to tame her unstable and fluctuating magics, annoying her social worker Elise, avoiding the bullies at school—but most of all, trying to find a way to escape from the care home and find her birth family.

Elise insists they have no record of Dara’s history—half-fey babies get dumped all the time and the best thing for everyone is for Dara to give up, move on and behave herself. Especially with the reshuffling of the courts coming up, which Elise sees as the perfect opportunity to gain the coveted position of advisor to King and Queen Fey. Dara is set to perform in the Folk Week festival at the end of summer, and her presence before Queen Fey could make all the difference in Elise’s job application—if Dara co-operates.

Dara sees no reason why she should help Elise get anything. Besides, Elise’s rival Druth offers a tempting proposition—help him keep his job and he’ll help Dara escape the social care system and finance her search for her family. She just has to run one or two errands for him first. Dara doesn’t trust Druth anymore than she likes Elise, but with her latest escape attempt leaving her officially grounded, she doesn’t have any choice but to accept his help. But Druth’s errands prove far more dangerous than expected, and with Elise constantly breathing down her neck and Folk Week looming, it’ll be a miracle if Dara ever manages to escape at all.
Last edited by Twit on Wed Apr 24, 2013 5:31 pm, edited 7 times in total.
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Wed Apr 17, 2013 11:44 pm
Kale says...



It doesn't really catch my interest, though I can't quite pin down why.

A more detailed summary would help us help you come up with a logline. As would an overview of the major themes/goals of your work.
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Thu Apr 18, 2013 12:10 am
Rosendorn says...



For me, it's the "in a world where..." that seems really cliche, to me, and the start of a parody.
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Thu Apr 18, 2013 1:10 am
AlfredSymon says...



Ms. Rosey's write (get it? Write and right? Nah forget it!), I think the starter words for this logline is a bit too cliche. Also, half-fey, I also think, gives away too much. How about something readers can question? Something else that can puncture their curiosity? I like the social worker there; it surprised me and is enough to be proof of the crazy world you're putting readers in. "Steal" doesn't work too, I think. I'm not good at these kinda things, Twittums dear, but as a reader, I can comment those stuffs :)
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Wed Apr 24, 2013 3:28 pm
Audy says...



:o Some tips?

I think maybe give us an adjective describing the characters? Alcoholic social worker? Or dangerous social worker? Things like that. I also preferred "outwit" to wreck, because it's more descriptive/interesting. The gaining money, doesn't interest me as much as the trying to struggle/fight for her freedom, but I do like the finding her family element as well :x
  








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