Young Writers Society

To cut it short, I've been writing my first 'serious' novel for a while now. However, it's chapter 11 and I've realised that it mainly consists of people talking to each other. To both me and my readers it seems there is little action going on, and the characters aren't getting enough space to evolve.

I really want something that I write be interesting, and engaging, but it simply isn't working. I figured that since English isn't my first language, I can make up for the relative simplicity of my writing language with a complex and fascinating plot, but neither are working out right now.

So that's the dilemma. I know there are geniuses out here on YWS who can help me!
The plot is, basically:

1. A young man with anger management issues, named Renjin is working with his uncle (who is a judge and his name is Sateo) to solve crimes because the police aren't doing a great job.
2. The police aren't doing well because of the Rholtaii. They are an organisation, a collective of people who blindly follow one leader, and do anything he/she says. They are expert assassins, thieves, spies, however they always stay in the shadows. So the latest person in charge of the Rholtaii was a politician's daughter, Odilia Whimmer. She was quite corrupt, and used the Rholtaii to her benefit, and thus the police were helpless when it came to containing criminals who were her friends.
3. This Odilia is killed, and her body is found by Renjin. Apparently, the Rholtaii themselves killed her - and this is puzzling because nothing of the sort had ever happened.
4. Eventually, Renjin is forced to co-operate with Daniel Logan Edwin, a state detective. Reluctant at first, Renjin begins to trust Daniel.
5. Here is where it gets complicated, I'm afraid.
Before the murder, Renjin and Sateo had been on the case of Lurse, an escaped convict. I'm thinking that I can link him to the Rholtaii somehow, and help Renjin find a new lead (since this Lurse had been a friend of Renjin's since childhood). Since Lurse feels endangered that Odilia no longer protects him, he 'teams up' with Renjin, too.
I was thinking that Lurse simply shows up at Renjin's house after the murder, they have a brief talk, then he leaves.
6. The plot is meant to evolve with the new leader (who doesn't show himself yet) doing everything to make Renjin look like the killer, framing him essentially. Daniel is also going to suspect Renjin eventually, and have a chase after him.
7. However, just before the detective can catch him, Odilia's sister Odetta (Audie) comes in to save Renjin, and hides him, because she wants to find out who the new leader is as well.
8. And here's where I'm stuck. I'm thinking the leader should be Renjin's psychologist all along, and he was framing Renjin because a) he's actually pretty crazy himself and b) he presents Renjin with a choice - to dissolve the Rholtaii or become the new leader.

That's it so far. I appreciate any kind of feedback or questions. Of course, there are subtle little things I haven't mentioned because they'll complicate the bare bones of it all. But, please, please, please! I love my characters already and I just don't know how to make a good novel with them in it
Thanks in advance and may the muse be with you.

Hm, you've definitely got an interesting concept.
My suggestion would be to make the new leader someone who's politically powerful, and of course working with Rholtaii in secret.
That way they could make it publicly known to police and detectives that they believe Renjin's the leader of Rholtaii.

Now the decision he's given, sound very anti-climactic. Obviously he'd choose to dissolve the Rholtaii.

What I'd do is, while he's under heavy suspicion due to everything that's gone, he's given the choice to
A) Remain under suspicion and crack the case from the outside while no one trusts him.
OR
B) Join the gang and crack the case from the inside.

This way, he's thought of as the bad guy either way, and it becomes a question of morals. I suppose there'd be a kind of test to join the gang? It would make it much more interesting.

Just my two cents.

Hey PolinkaCreations,

I would just like to give you my two cents here, and try to help out a little.

1.) First of all, I would like to say that just because a book doesn't have a ton of action in it, it doesn't mean people won't like it. It mainly means that your audience will transition from the less intellectual bunch to the more intellectual bunch.

However, sometimes a good way to add action to the story towards the beginning of the book is to have one or two espionage investigations thwarted by the Rholtaii. I would suggest this because it can help you lead into the story. What you are going to want to do is have Renjin/Sateo/Daniel or a combination thereof find a lead on Lurse, and try to go investigate it. But it seems that the closer they get to Lurse's trail, the closer they get to the underground movement of Rholtaii. The way you can get some action in is by a.) getting a chase scene with Lurse or b.) getting into a fight with some Rholtaii, who happen to find out there are detectives nosing into what they believe is their business.

And of course, at the end, you can have a climax or showdown between the good and the bad characters, and even add in some plot twists/character development (possibly with Daniel, conflicted, holding a gun on Renjin, and his psychologist is telling him to shoot Renjin and Renjin is telling him to shoot the psychologist, etc).

2.) When it comes to Lurse's transition to the good side, I think you should have some sort of brief contact between Lurse and Renjin somewhere during one of his investigations that plants a seed in Lurse's mind that he has to break off from the Rholtaii and end them once and for all. So he appears on Renjin's doorstep.

However, I think you need to make this orientation change more prominent than you seem to want to make it. Don't worry about too much talking, as long as the talking drives the plot forward and is interesting. Possibly have him relay to Renjin some type of trauma he experienced in prison in a local gang of Rholtaii, like a deadly prison riot or fight that made him want to sever his ties with the organization. You want to build sympathy for this character, who until now seems to be a bad guy.

You are also going to want to have flashbacks to back when Renjin and Lurse were friends as children to show that Lurse was once a good person- this is all for character development and sympathy here.

3.) I think it is a very good idea to have Renjin framed for the murders, because it is always a more interesting story when the hero has to fight both the law and the bad guys to save the day. (Just look at any of Dean Koontz's books, because they do this a lot and can provide inspiration.) You have to make the situation seem hopeless and difficult for the hero to overcome, then have him do it anyway.

Make sure that the evidence against Renjin seems overwhelming to the point where if the reader didn't know better, they would suspect him too. You don't want the fooled police to look stupid and annoying, you just want them to seem convicted that he is a killer and ruthlessly seeking justice.

4.) As for making that transition of therapist to bad guy, you are going to want to give the guy a lot of power. This psychologist (we'll call him Tom for now) should be a top rated therapist who works for a number of important people in important positions.

In this way, he knows everything that's going on at all times, and can use this information to further the Rholtaii organization. Think about it- who can you trust with your biggest secrets about the case and the government? The man you are paying to tell secrets to, of course. So this bad guy becomes very believable, power-wise.

So, basically, Tom knows Renjin's next five steps before he walks them, because Renjin has told him himself. This will be an awesome plot twist, and make the reader go, "Oh yeah... that guy!"

5.) Just as a side-note: You are going to need to make the bad guy (Tom, I guess) seem AEAP (As Evil As Possible). Do do this, make sure he has shown himself to be able to carry out atrocities (murder, rape, what have you), not only through his minions in the Rholtaii, but PERSONALLY. He should pull the trigger himself at least once in the book, or else the reader just will not have enough hate for him, and you really want the reader to hate him.

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Well, anyway, I think that this is a really great plot, and I want to read the book now, so bravo. It seems complex, there are a lot of opportunities and the characters and plot changes are believable and convoluted.

Good job on this, and I hope you are able to get published, because people WILL buy that book if it turns out as good as it sounds like it will.

Anyway, I hope that my advice helps, but if it doesn't, good luck to you.

Have a good one.

Thanks! These are interesting suggestions;)
1. However, Renjin can't join the Rholtaii - the selection process is random and happens in early childhood. What could happen is Renjin trying to solve the case with Audie (the dead leader's sister) before Daniel gets hold of them.
2. Another idea I had is the reason why the psychologist is evil is to make Sateo break the law that he so trusts to help prove that Renjin is innocent (so there's a plot twist - it wasn't about Renjin at all). Not too confusing?
3. CowLogic - thanks so much for outlining the points I really needed to think about. I think it will become something awesome, it's just that I need a plan