z

Young Writers Society


Character Idea



User avatar
67 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 561
Reviews: 67
Wed Jan 16, 2013 1:34 pm
View Likes
Jalmoc says...



Hey all you YWS people! I was throwing around ideas in my head and made a character that I think would work. Any of you guys have opinions?

Name: Halzoc

Name significance if applicable: Nope

Age range: 22

Appearance: A long bow is slung over his shoulder, dressed in deep red leather and a long sword and short sword at his hips. His green eyes are the only thing most people could see from under the hood. He has an athletic build with a slight bend to his walk from spending most of his time in a crouch.

Significant physical markings/oddities: NONE

Tell me about their family and the relationship they have with them: Halzoc’s father was an assassin and his mother was a tavern maid. His father taught Halzoc everything he knew about the world of assassination, from how to stealthily stalk his target, to the best possible way to eliminate them in any given circumstance. After his father died he took on his father’s work, trying to support his mother.

If I were to ask the character about his/her family, how would he/ she respond? “I don’t speak unless there’s a pile of gold in my hand and an assassination contract in the other.”

Does anyone else know about these family members and relationships? Why? No. Halzoc’s father stayed away from most contact with other people due to his job. The more attachments you have, the worse things get in your head. Everyone in the city believes that Halzoc’s father was killed in a bandit raid.

List the major influences in their childhood, how they were influenced, and what character traits
may be attributed to such influence: Halzoc’s family never stayed in one place, always moving around to keep themselves safe. They wandered from city to city, finally settling into the city of Razlas Eridonia. “The city of Flame.” Halzoc’s father taught him everything he knows in the Forest of Flame just outside of the city walls, honing him to be a great assassin one day. Since he spent most of his time training, he had more influence from his father than he did his mother, so the day that he passed Halzoc trained harder and longer. He wanted to avenge his father’s death. He became determined and strong willed, costing him his innocent imagination and sense of peace.

Strengths from my POV? Halzoc has great potential to be a really lethal assassin, and maybe known throughout the land one day.

From character’s POV? He believes that he will accomplish whatever goal is placed in front of him so he can get a step closer to avenging his father’s death.

From surrounding characters’ POV? They don’t know much about him, but they can sense that he’s determined and not somebody to be messed with.

Weakness from my POV? Halzoc’s pride will eventually be his downfall. He’s going to over calculate something and pay the price.

From character’s POV? He believes he needs to be stronger, smarter, the best in order to seek his goal.

From surrounding characters’ POV? He’s too locked up, and doesn’t show a lot of emotion. One day he’ll blow up.

What do they fear? Halzoc fears losing his mother and not being able to achieve his goal.

How do they react to fear? Why? He takes the best precautions to avoid it or when he’s faced with it, he makes a vow to make it right. This way they can amend for their mistakes.

What quirks and mannerisms do they have? Halzoc has the habit of flipping his short blade in his hand, catching the handle each time as he waits on something.

Any significant heritage? His father was a feared assassin, and his bloodline were descended from brave warriors who were shunned when his Great-Grandfather disobeyed a direct order from the king himself. They chose to become ones with the shadows and eliminate anyone who became a problem or who had a big enough purse.

Tell me about the nature and state of their relationships with other specific characters: Halzoc’s only real connection with anyone is his mother. Everyone one else to him is either another target or an employer. He wants it to remain that way, less his conscious get in the way when he must give the killing blow.

Rant about personality. Now. As long as you want to.: Halzoc’s personality is forged out of his training with his father and the determination of avenging his death. He always thinks critically when faced with an opposition, trying to figure out the best way to eliminate the target or the best resource to go through to get him closer to his goal. His only emotional attachment would be to his mother who is a tavern maiden. All of the money he raises he puts towards better gear and taking care of her. He’s never felt bad about killing something except when he was first being trained. He killed his first person on a mission with his father overwatching him. He felt a sort of pleasure in helping out the family business, and eventually went on his own missions.

What misconceptions do other characters form about them? They believe that Halzoc is nothing special, just a lowly peasant who seems mute. That’s their first mistake if he has them as a target.

What judgments does your character tend to pass too quickly? He doesn’t hesitate to kill someone if he’s been contracted. They could save a lot of lives one day because they’re a doctor on the verge of making a medical discovery, but Halzoc just follows through with his contract.

How do people see your character upon first meeting, generally? They see him as a quiet person in the corner of the room, normally flipping a short sword. This puts some people on edge and they stay as far away from him as possible. A few are even brave enough to walk up to him and demand him to talk. Generally, he just stabs the sword into the table and stares at them from under his hood.

What possible personality changes may occur in the story? Why? He may gain a conscious, realize that he must make a decision before killing somebody. This being because he could be killing someone who could become very important to him later on, someone essential to avenging his father.
If you don't take a chance, you'll always live your life in regret, so let your heart show it's true colors and admit your feelings!

Tis not the blade that took your life, but the Assassin behind it.

When Reality has all but fallen away, recreate your own world
  





User avatar
560 Reviews



Gender: None specified
Points: 30438
Reviews: 560
Wed Jan 16, 2013 3:50 pm
View Likes
Tenyo says...



Issues:

"They believe that Halzoc is nothing special, just a lowly peasant who seems mute." - Even though he carries a long bow, slips a short sword and keeps a hood over his head? I wouldn't think him to be a king or anything, but I'd know that he wasn't a mere peasant.

He has a dangerous assasin father who trained him and his mother was a barmaid even though they travelled round a lot? This strikes issues with me. Most assasins who care enough to raise their child would go into hiding to keep their family safe. As for the mother, wouldn't *someone* catch on to how she turns up in town, gets a new job, and then someone important is assasinated? I like the idea, but I just don't think it would practically work.

If you pull a hood over your head, what's the first thing that disappears? First your forehead, then your eyes, maybe your ears. To have only the eyes visible you'd have to be wearing a scarf too and that would look highly suspicious for an undercover assasin.



Positives:
His devotion to his mother is an interesting character trait, and I like the sword flipping thing. It's a simple gesture but I think accidental drops, cuts, how high or low it is being flipped, can be a pretty good indicator to the internal workings of a seemingly emotionless character.

"He may gain a concience," this is something I'd love to see. A concience can be a painful thing, and developing one would be as bad as teething. I reckon this will be an awesome factor to to develop.

"He felt a sort of pleasure in helping out the family business," I love how casual this is XD It would be great if you could put a scene of his childhood in there. Imagining how this small child following closely behind his father could turn into a remorseless killer would be an interesting thing to find out about.
We were born to be amazing.
  





User avatar
308 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 25520
Reviews: 308
Wed Jan 16, 2013 8:48 pm
AlfredSymon says...



Jalmoc! Like, hey! So, you've got a character out right up, eh? Well, for me that character, Halzoc is very creatively made, there are just some stuffs that I think I need to remind you.

As I was reading it, I found out a lot of stuff with his life and all, and a lot of things were very good. I saw how he was raised how he survived and a lot more. Apart from what Tenyo said, I found another room for improvement in the character. I think that he is pretty cliche. Look at these descriptions:

Halzoc’s pride will eventually be his downfall. He’s going to over calculate something and pay the price.


He’s too locked up, and doesn’t show a lot of emotion. One day he’ll blow up.


His father was a feared assassin, and his bloodline were descended from brave warriors who were shunned when his Great-Grandfather disobeyed a direct order from the king himself. They chose to become ones with the shadows and eliminate anyone who became a problem or who had a big enough purse.


So, these are just a handful of description that seems pretty normal. His pretty proud of himself, he's emotionally contained; almost all of the descriptions fit almost any kind of assassin hero, which, I tell thee, a lot. I like this character, especially that he loves his parents very much, but there needs to be at least something different on him, something either negative or positive that can lift him from the other assassin-type heroes as a unique one.

See, readers won't be too hooked with character qualities that have been passed down from generation to generation. Try to break the rules, give him something more different, a change, a strange emotion, a disease, something that might give out a secondary plot and keep Halzo very, very interesting :)

Well, he's interesting now, in fact, but I know you can make him MORE :D Good luck writing!

Your pal,
Al :)
Need some feed? Then read some! Take a look at today's Squills at In the News.

The Tatterdemalion takes a tattle!

"Stories are like yarn; just hold on to the tip and let the ball roll away"
  








Every time someone steps up and says who they are, the world becomes a better, more interesting place.
— Captain Raymond Holt