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Character's Voice/Personality - Trouble Deciding, Opinions?

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Tue Sep 06, 2011 12:24 am
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xoCairo says...



I've started working on a new project because I've come to the realization that my old one wasn't all that great. I've got it all plotted out and everything, even decided the names of most of the characters, but my main problem at the moment is I'm indecisive over one of the characters, Victor. He is one of the mainish characters (Kaissiah is the main), and I'm not sure if I want him speaking like the average teen from... well, this world, because he's not quite that. He is a teen, but past that, he's not your average bear, I guess? But it's proving hard to keep him speaking the same way throughout the whole thing.

So this is where you come in. I'd love your opinion on the two pieces posted below. They are exactly identical except for Victor's dialogue, and I'd like you to focus on dialogue and actions rather than details. It would be nice if you could tell me which you preferred: Victor V1 or Victor V2?

I have one more question before I let you see V1 vs. V2. This is mainly out of personal curiosity: how would you pronounce the name 'Kaissiah?'

V1
Spoiler! :
part 1
"My grandfather once said to me," he paused dramatically, turning his head to lock eyes with her, "the only way between worlds is love."

The rather odd boy gave a short laugh, and Kaissiah followed suit, though she found herself confused; was he laughing because his grandfather was a fraud, or because he really believed the words to be true? As Victor's laughter settled down, she also quieted, shifting nervously. "I don't mean to offend you, but… well, I'm not in love, but I'm here."

He shrugged. "I did not say my grandfather was speaking truth, but one can never know. There's nothing to say you will not fall in love in the future."

part 2
"Varian is the elder brother of my father, though you must call him 'Commander.'"

"Commander?"

"Yes… He's achieved a high rank in the organization. My father was of higher rank, but Varian is a good man nevertheless."

"So if he's 'Commander,' what are you?"

Victor shrugged. "Victor. I bear no official rank. To receive rank - and recognition - one must be extremely skilled in their respective duties… and one must live long enough to actually be eligible. " He chuckled eerily. "That would be why Varian can call himself 'Commander;' there are no others who have survived long enough to achieve that rank, and the other living members of Opsequium are either in ranks above or below him."


V2
Spoiler! :
part 1
"My grandfather once said to me," he paused dramatically, turning his head to lock eyes with her, "the only way between worlds is love."

The rather odd boy gave a short laugh, and Kaissiah followed suit, though she found herself confused; was he laughing because his grandfather was a fraud, or because he really believed the words to be true? As Victor's laughter settled down, she also quieted, shifting nervously. "I don't mean to offend you, but… well, I'm not in love, but I'm here."

He shrugged. "I never said my grandfather was right. But you never know. What's to say you won't fall in love in the future?"

part 2


"He's my uncle. On my father's side. His name's Varian, but don't call him that. Even I have to call him 'Commander.'"

"Commander?"

"Yeah… he's kind of high up in the ranks. My father was higher, but Varian's a good guy nevertheless."

"So if he's 'Commander,' what are you?"

Victor shrugged. "Victor, to you, and most people. I don't have an official sort of rank like Varian. To get recognition - and rank - you have to be really good at what you do, and you have to live long enough to get it." He chuckled eerily. "That's why Varian can call himself 'Commander;' there's no one else who's lived long enough to achieve that rank, and the other living people are either in ranks above or below him."


Thank you if you managed to read through all that. xD I hope it didn't give too much away from the plot.

Note :: the character's voice will probably not be /exactly/ like either of the two above, but it's a close enough example. :'p
Last edited by xoCairo on Tue Sep 06, 2011 12:31 am, edited 1 time in total.




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Tue Sep 06, 2011 12:26 am
Jas says...



Number two definitely. Victor sounds more human in that one.
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apologies that roll of my tongue, smoothquick, like 'r's
or maybe like pocket candy
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Tue Sep 06, 2011 2:49 am
Kyllorac says...



Number two for reason stated by poster above.
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Wed Sep 07, 2011 5:18 pm
Ranger Hawk says...



V1 sounds like he's much older than a teenager. V2 feels more realistic (from the brief description you gave).

As for pronouncing Kaissiah, I was thinking "KAY-see-ah" or "KAS-see-ah". The former seems to make more sense, though.
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Thu Oct 20, 2011 7:35 pm
Blues says...



Number 2 - he sounds like a teenager and more realistic. The first one sounds a little... I don't know how to describe it, stiff?

I used to have a guy in my school called Issiah (similar to Kaissiah) and another called Kai (well actually 3 but don't worry :)). Issiah - EYE-Z-EYE-A and Kai - K-EYE so Kaissiah, logically would be pronounced "K-EYE-Z-EYE-A" (Eye as in... your eye lol)




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Sat Oct 22, 2011 9:00 pm
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Tenyo says...



Go with the teenagerish tone of number two, except add some quirks, like old fashioned words.
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Tue Oct 25, 2011 6:03 pm
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Starhunter says...



I liked number one a lot better. The second one was too.... jumpy comes to mind, but doesn't make sense... informal, I guess?
why would he speak like an average teenager from our world, when apparently his world's very different? It wouldn't make sense, even if his world was like ours... it is another world.

I say "CASS-ee-ah"... yeah, I know I missed a syllable, but that's how I'd say it.
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Tue Oct 25, 2011 6:30 pm
Carlito says...



I liked the second one better because it was easier to read and relate to. It sounds like a teenager and the first one just sounded odd to me. It took me longer to read.

As for Kaissiah, my mind immediately pronounced it like "Messiah" only with a "K" in front and the "k" sound like the k in "kite". How do your pronounce it?
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