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Critique required for my stories setting and context.

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Sun Jul 17, 2011 2:51 pm
jojo123 says...



I recently discovered this website and after a period of research found that the advice was excellent in the majority of cases, so I have the setting and concept of my story here for you to look at, exploit flaws, improve or state if it is just not good enough. I know stories revolve around characters but I am fine tuning this aspect of my story. In addition to I have considered the science and how the world would be physically affected by the events described through my research so I have realistic idea of the events. Well here is my concept, enjoy.

Setting - A Post apocalyptic world devastated by a series of mining operations on the worlds core in an attempt to replenish fading resources by using the natural energy produced by the earth core and crust to sustain life of the earths inhabitants. The world is semi futuristic and this collapse of the core scarred the earth and destroyed many civilizations, from this humanity has begun a rebuilding process. The population have scattered and communications are lost as the remaining humans attempt to survive with what is remaining ( we are talking millions here not a handful).

The story will begin possibly a decade or so after these events to show the trails of those who survived and banded together.

Concept: The planets core emits the energy the civilization used as fuel for technology and warfare, the core implosion has impacted the natural flow of this energy causing widespread radiation and stimulating inexplainable events, this radiation in most cases causes death but for some it gave a "sun in a pocket" effect with very limited abilities to influence the world around them e.g grow crops by manipulating the cores remnant energy that leaks to the surface and pollutes the air, this energy has also swelled to the surface through rivers called life streams that serve as areas of oasis where crops grow and mineral flourish. These powers may also be forcefully gained through entering the life streams but this in 99.9% of cases caused death highlighting the risks people may sacrifice to better there lives.

The numbers of these radiated and gifted individuals are few. The core of the planet is now an abyss and larger new civilizations have gained power and have hollowed into the core draining the last of the access energy under the knowledge that the planet is dead. However "terrorist groups" attempting to stop this over pollution and prevent to sustain the planet for as long as possible often destroying the energy plants located inside the planet with the belief the planet can be reborn, led by a religious leader who sees the apocalypse as a redemption of the human race.

Main character early idea - Wakes in a dilapidated test facility, void of life, he only has gaps in his memories that return as the story progresses allowing for opportunities to present the details of the world to the reader. I may follow the route that he is a failed experiment who is immune to the radiation and survived the initial apocalypse explaining why he is of intrigue to the forces that govern the new world instigating the plot. These are early concepts.

Well That is an outline of what I have developed to be the settings and concept, I look forward to your responses. Thanks I appreciate any and all help, advice and ideas that will improve my work.




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Sun Jul 17, 2011 3:50 pm
Omnihat says...



I really like this idea, it seems interesting and different. I would like to see how you develop it further in to a novel.
My only concern is, why does the earths core have this affect? How did these mining operations cause civilization to collapse? It doesn't necessarily have to be an in depth-out lining every single detail so it is all perfectly scientifically possible, but a semi realistic explanation would help the reader to further understand this world which you've created. Or if you want to keep it unexplained, some theories by characters at least would work.
It would also help for you to create an exact idea for what sort time you want this to be set in.
As for the terrorist groups and their religious leader, you should think about what sort of religion he is following. Is it a pre existing one or one you have created?

In all, it seems like you have done a fair amount of research as to what effects this could have on not only on the world but on the people as well, and ways in which this post apocalyptic world could function. For now it looks very good, but careful not to let it become just a generic post apocalypse novel.
I hope to see it developed further.




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Thu Jul 21, 2011 1:22 pm
jojo123 says...



Thanks a lot, I plan to implement the majority of your tips, I appreciate the read.




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Thu Jul 21, 2011 2:03 pm
Hannah says...



I would definitely like to see it treated with focus on the practical agriculture side. I mean, I know these are "cool powers", but if you could some how swing it that that phrase never even crosses our mind, it would only be BETTER for that.

Also, I feel like having a main character wake up with no memory would close him off from feeling toward either side of this situation, and as tempting as that seems to show both sides fairly, I think we'd feel a stronger connection if he came from the world and knew how it had fallen. He'd have a reason, on either side, to fight for what he wants because he's lived through it. He'd be richer for his history.

And I wasn't quite clear, but are the religious people trying to continue to destroy the planet, or are they extremists of the "green movement" that exists today? I feel like it would be incredibly interesting to have something that people today are familiar with, but turning it into "terrorists". That juxtaposition would definitely remind people to think through the whole situation and not just take it for granted.

I think this could be really relevant to the present day population if you could pull it off, so good luck. (:
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Tue Jul 26, 2011 8:02 pm
Kyllorac says...



What you've described very strongly reminds me of Final Fantasy 7, so much so that I think it might be difficult to take your story in a direction that doesn't draw strong comparisons from your readers at almost every twist and turn. Not to say that you can't take it in a different direction, but by using terms like "life stream" and having the the antagonists as a religious cult and a terrorist group destroying power plants for the sake of the planet, not to mention the protagonist of suspect memory...

It's kind of hard not to compare your story (as presented thus far) to the video game.
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Tue Aug 02, 2011 2:12 pm
jojo123 says...



I see, I did some research on that game and a few ideas some to clash. Thanks for bringing that to light.