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Does This Sound Like Something You Would Pay To Read?

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Mon Jul 11, 2011 6:10 pm
sWitchNerdfighter says...



Lately, I have been working on a novel (yes, a 60,000 word novel) that I hope to publish on October 17. Now, I'm not sure if the story line is deep, dark, and interesting. It may not be as dark as I wish, but it's something. ALL types of feedback is welcome.

The main character, Joson Lyndon (first name pronounced EXACTLY how it is spelled), is not normal by any means. He is 16, gifted (not really stressed because it plays only minor rolls), and can really make anyone smile with his drawings. It seems to everyone that he always wears this long-sleeved coat and gloves where ever he goes, and he does. He is trying to hide the fact that he has a high-tech, defective, prosthetic right arm. He hides this fact because his is subconsciously scared that when people ask, the memories will be brought up and people won't see HIM.

(Why is this 16+? You'll find out later.)

Joson spent his 16th birthday in a hospital for reasons he doesn't have the heart to tell anybody. But I, the author, do. So, I shall tell you.

Joson was in a horrid car accident that (he thinks) took his mother (who he doubts is his mother), father, and unborn sister's lives. He thinks this because no one spoke of them around him while he was still "mentally fragile" and "couldn't think straight". It also begs the question of how he, who received the full force of the impact, survived and they didn't. He doesn't think about it too much because he soon has other things to worry about.

(Not making sense? I will explain why the injuries were so bad after this is done. It's optional.)

His aunt, Lila, becomes his new guardian and forces him to go to a boarding school in the fictional town of Adrian, Virginia, to finish high school. He "agrees" because he knows he doesn't have a choice.

There, he meets a girl named Amelia, her friend named Emma, and his roommate named J.J. There are rumors concerning J.J. and another student, and Joson is challenged to figure out if they are true or not. He accepts this challenge because it seems like stupid fun. Later on, he figures out that Emma is stalking him and that Amelia likes him. He decides to ignore Emma and teach Amelia archery (yes, he can shoot a bow and arrow with a defective prosthesis) because she has been asking him for weeks.

Due to a project that their Social Studies teacher assigns them, Joson is exposed when a certain student reads aloud the article that was written about him. Just as he expected, the students don't see him for him anymore. They just see some poor little scrawny boy who has been severely damaged. Then rumors about J.J. become more specific.

The rumors are revealed to be about J.J.'s sexuality. Students say that he was caught with Jake, Amelia's ex-boyfriend, in the boy's locker room kissing. J.J. reluctantly tells Joson that the rumors are true, and that he even finds Joson attractive in a way.

A little later, his parents and baby sister come for a visit, something tragic happens to Amelia, and people think Joson is to blame.

It all goes downhill from there.

SO, what do you think? ANY feedback is welcome. Please, don't restrain yourselves.


**Joson's injuries are so bad because the car slammed right into his door (he was resting his head on it), and his arm became pinned. Tension snapped several muscles, veins, and bones in his shoulder so that it separated the arm from the rest of his body. At that time, there was nothing available that could save his arm.
Last edited by sWitchNerdfighter on Tue Jul 12, 2011 8:42 pm, edited 3 times in total.
Perhaps everything will get better if people stop being so stupid?




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Tue Jul 12, 2011 7:13 pm
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Rosey Unicorn says...



One question:

How can his mom, dad, and baby sister come for a visit if they died in the crash?
You know you're a writer when you're not alarmed at hearing voices in your head, you can't read a book without analyzing it for plot & characters and you consider something you nearly killed yourself to write the most rewarding.

Guilty as charged.




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Tue Jul 12, 2011 7:40 pm
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stargazer9927 says...



I think this sounds like a very well thought up story, but I'm not really into the whole bi thing so that might turn me off, but from the summery I think I would at least give it a chance. It sounds interesting and it's not pure fantasy (I'm not a pure fantasy fan).

But I seriously am curious how you plan to publish a novel when you're only thirteen. It's my dream to get something published someday but not only have I never finished a novel but I don't know how you would publish one without thousands of dollars or a good publisher that likes your story (and with how many people want to get published these days, that's not very easy to come by). Do you have a lot of money, or does a family member work for a company of some sort (I'm luckier than most because my best friend's mother works for a publishing company and my best friend tells me all the time if I ever finish a novel to take it to her mother and it's that that gives me hope that someday my dream will come true)? But thirteen? You make me feel very slow :)
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Tue Jul 12, 2011 7:54 pm
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sWitchNerdfighter says...



Rosey Unicorn wrote:One question:

How can his mom, dad, and baby sister come for a visit if they died in the crash?


That's the mystery of it. He can't remember anything, so you learn as he does.
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Tue Jul 12, 2011 7:56 pm
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sWitchNerdfighter says...



I plan to publish with a free publishing site (they confirmed that you can be 12 to publish). It's the number one trusted self-publishing site. www.lulu.com They have live support on weekdays if you have any questions.
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Tue Jul 12, 2011 8:20 pm
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stargazer9927 says...



Oh. Yes, I've heard of them. Good luck. I hope you get some support. You'll have to PM me when the novel is up and ready to buy, because I want to take a look at it :)
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Tue Jul 12, 2011 8:25 pm
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sWitchNerdfighter says...



stargazer9927 wrote:Oh. Yes, I've heard of them. Good luck. I hope you get some support. You'll have to PM me when the novel is up and ready to buy, because I want to take a look at it :)


October 17th, my friend. It's Joson's birthday, so I hope people remember it. It's absolutely killing me that I can't get a solid start. Thank you so much for commenting!

Titles anyone? ANYONE? I will give you credit, I swear.
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Tue Jul 12, 2011 8:25 pm
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stargazer9927 says...



Oh and by the way, 20,000 words isn't a "novel" it's a novella. That's in between a short story and a novel. My shortest "novel" is 60,000 words, and it's barley over a hundred pages, so yours can't be a "novel." :)
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Tue Jul 12, 2011 8:31 pm
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Rosey Unicorn says...



sWitchNerdfighter wrote:
Rosey Unicorn wrote:One question:

How can his mom, dad, and baby sister come for a visit if they died in the crash?


That's the mystery of it. He can't remember anything, so you learn as he does.


You could run into a few problems about the believability of this. Why would they not try to get him right after the crash? They'd better have a very good reason for keeping them apart.

Also, why does his prosthesis remain broken? Why can't they fix it?

The more I look at this the more I'm seeing a few plot gaps. Part of it could be because you're not giving the whole story here, but the questions I posed above should be addressed, or else readers might not stick with your story (should the explanation not be plausible/ it's unrealistic)

Also, a novel is 50,000 words plus. 20k is, indeed, a novella. It also seems incredibly short for the complexity of story here, especially any aftermath of his parents visiting and him wondering who they are and what happened after the crash and why they were kept from him.

Unless you're still writing it and that's just the current wordcount. If that is the case, though, I wouldn't plan on any set publishing date as writing tends to take longer than expected.
You know you're a writer when you're not alarmed at hearing voices in your head, you can't read a book without analyzing it for plot & characters and you consider something you nearly killed yourself to write the most rewarding.

Guilty as charged.




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Tue Jul 12, 2011 8:40 pm
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sWitchNerdfighter says...



You are correct, 20,000 is a novella, and I forgot about that. It is meant to be about 200 pages, and I get things messed up very easily. No, I was not giving to whole story. I am currently trying my best to address the plentiful plot gaps, and I have outed several things. It's very confusing when you try and think about it, but one of the things I am considering for the gap after the crash.

Spoiler! :
Katherine, is really not his mother and absolutely hates him, so she convinces Eric, the father, that it's best to focus on their daughter at the time. Plausible or not? Hm?


Yes, writing does take longer than expected, and I realize it could just be a childish dream to finish this soon. But I will have that October 17th (no year specified) date! Thank you for pointing these things out as I do not trust my friends and family to give me ACTUAL critical responses.
Perhaps everything will get better if people stop being so stupid?