Young Writers Society

So, I've started writing something new, it's darkly humours. I have a plot and a clear direction for it, which is unusual for me. I just wanted to see what people thought of the opening before I continue.

'Did you know that the Welsh word for carrot is moron? That’s pretty cool I think. Who am I? That, my friend, can wait. First you need to hear about what happened last Thursday, at ‘Blah‘. I should explain, ’Blah’ is a youth group for us of the queer persuasion. Yes, I sit under the queer umbrella, though I wont tell you where exactly I sit, you might try and stalk me! Anyway, last Thursday is where the real story lies. Mickey and Jason were arguing, as usual.'

Opinions appreciated. Flames would be good, it's horrifically cold here.

the first sentence is interesting, but it's irrelevent. Unless your character has a love for languages or weird facts then take it out. And it sort of skips around too much. Let your narrator stay on a subject for longer. And the whole "You might stalk me" thing seems weird...

It sounds interesting, but tweak it a little, I think.

Darkly humorous? Sounds interesting. ^_^ I would definitely read that.

'Did you know that the Welsh word for carrot is moron? That’s pretty cool I think.

Unless spouting off random facts is a habit of your main character or this comes in later, I would remove it. It's a very ADD moment that confuses the reader.

Your narrative is interesting. Are you writing it in the diary/letter to a friend format?

The only problem that I could see occurring is that it looks like you are going to do a lot of telling. I know this is only a few sentences, but it seems like your main character is about to describe to us the scene at 'Blah' with little or no description.

Writing books in a "talking to a friend" dialect can be difficult. Have you read [i]The Perks of Being a Wallflower[b] by Stephen Chbosky (not sure how to spell it ). He executes the "letter to a friend" concept with description masterfully and beautifully. The book is also darkly humorous. I would recommend it just so you can see his writing style.

-Sakura