Young Writers Society

Hi there, before you ask. Yes, I am new to this forum. I figured after posting my introduction I would post the storyline of a series I am undertaking. I figured, if you know what I am writing than it will give an insight to who I am. Anyway, hope you enjoy!



The stories protagonist, Setharos [Yeah I know, I don't like thinking of new names so use them over], starts off as a slave. His father who was once an assassin disappeared through unknown circumstances, and his mother soon after fell sick. To pay for her, Setharos gets sold to a man who is a rather important figure.

The Story actually starts off at a gladiator game. Held by the king in which whoever wins will obtain the place of being the head of the king's guard (there is history behind that). While trying to find a drink for his master, Setharos gets knocked into the ring and forced to fight. Through luck, and his father's shoes (Assassin's shoes, blades which can come out from the tip at the click of the heels) he defeats his opponent but being to young he could not be the king's head guard, however, he is put into his army to be trained to be trained as his guard for the future. After the battle, he meets a girl who he soon falls for, but he is forced to leave the city and her behind.

After two years of training he proves himself worthy enough to be in the king's guard but that is not what he wants. He travels to the north where mythical creatures, Avaddons, rule and are scarcely hunted as only few humans have defeated them. on a patrol, his entire group dies and he is left to fight for himself, he kills one and stumbles upon a steel lodged into the ground, he soon takes it back with him and gets it made into a sword for him. The sword starts to give Setharos powers, he can move quicker and his hits with it seem to be stronger than he usually could deal. Though he soon realizes this sword is not a blessing, but it is a curse. His body starts fading, turning him into a ghostlike being, though he still looks human he starts becoming invisible. With a new war waging between the eastern and western kingdoms, both kings want to use his new found power against each other but he does not want it. Arriving back at the city in which the gladiator games were held he meets back up with the girl, who soon becomes his reason to turn back. Desperately trying to stop this from completing he learns of an oracle who can possibly help him. But the king does not want him to leave, using his new love against him forcing him to fight. He fights in a battle against the eastern kingdom and defeats the king allowing him to find the oracle. He soon finds her and learns of the land's past. Why a wall stands with a gate which cannot be opened to the east, and how the steel was used by the gods when they walked on the land to torture those who did bad things, binding them to walk the land without making contact with anyone. The oracle tells Setharos that he must die to free himself from the curse,that he might be brought back. He does so.

- The gate begins to open at the end -

Interesting. An adventure fantasy? I will look forward to reading and hopefully helping you out in the future. ^^

It's a good thing you have it planned, but is this one book or several? Each book needs a start, a climax, and a finish, so it may be useful to decide what happens in each book.

Also, how would a slave become a free man so easily? In most stories, slavery is a mark of shame that is hard or even impossible to escape legitimately. Give it some thought, for I don't think winning a tournament would earn a man his freedom. When slaves compete, usually it is the owner who reaps the benefits.

And do explain how a slave beat a gladiator. Slaves usually only have the strengths that their job hones, through hard labour and the like. A slave would not be taught how to fight, in fear of him attacking his master.

And, 'a steel'? A steel what? Steel made of iron and carbon, so you won't find it naturally. Iron you would, steel you wouldn't. Most things in 'classic fantasy setting' would be iron or bronze. If he finds steel, make sure it is something worked he gets remade.

But it seems you have an idea where you're going, so do PM me when you post something, or post it in my review thread- topic37478.html I'll be happy to read it.

Once again we meet, but I do not know your name yet? Here, let me try my best to answer your questions.

It's a good thing you have it planned, but is this one book or several? Each book needs a start, a climax, and a finish, so it may be useful to decide what happens in each book.

I think I might have 3 books planned but I am happy with one, I could just extend this one or change the ending. I do have ideas for another book, and roughly another but the third is well not on my mind and the second is kind of as it determines what happens in the first.

Also, how would a slave become a free man so easily? In most stories, slavery is a mark of shame that is hard or even impossible to escape legitimately. Give it some thought, for I don't think winning a tournament would earn a man his freedom. When slaves compete, usually it is the owner who reaps the benefits.

Well you've got me here. It is just, he goes up against such a well known and fierce opponent that the King sees the potential in him. If some slave teen would just kill your hand who has been undefeated and wears the armor of a mythical beast would you just let him go back to his daily slavery or would you get him to join your army, knowing that he might be your best warrior one day?

And do explain how a slave beat a gladiator. Slaves usually only have the strengths that their job hones, through hard labour and the like. A slave would not be taught how to fight, in fear of him attacking his master.

It is through the opponent's cockiness that he does. Instead of killing him straight away he plays with him, giving him time to see a weakness. And he does not know of his secret weapon. Setharos is wearing boots which have secret blades in them which can emerge at the click of the heels. With a kick in the armpit with one of these you'd be immobilized [I think that is the word] in that arm leaving only your other to fight with. Through dodging and parrying attacks with a sword he finds off the ground, Setharos defeats his opponent by tiring him out as he is already slow and clumsy from his injury.

And, 'a steel'? A steel what? Steel made of iron and carbon, so you won't find it naturally. Iron you would, steel you wouldn't. Most things in 'classic fantasy setting' would be iron or bronze. If he finds steel, make sure it is something worked he gets remade.

Honestly first word that came to my head. But it is a metallic substance which he gets crafted into a sword.


hope this helps explain your questions. If there are many more you have please tell me, I find it best they are asked.

Cheers,

Alex

Hrrmmm. The only thing I would have to say about your answers is this- make sure your character doesn't become too perfect. The best characters are the flawed ones, not the ones who are super great at everything they try and have super powers added too. So make sure he has a weakness- maybe he's too into alcohol, or has a lack of compassion after his father died. Make sure he is realistic, and doesn't turn into the classic hollywood hero.

And my name? Obviously my username is Nutty, but a few people call me by my real name. Feel free to call me cheyanne or chey, if you wish.

I think Chey sounds good, not that I have anything against your full name, it will just be easier and shorter to remember.

Yes, I have fallen for that trap before. I have plans for him. He will not be perfect at everything, though down the track he will be one of the most feared warriors that still does not make up for the other plans I have for him. He starts off as a slave who wants to be somebody, a warrior. He is given the opportunity and accepts it (after he defeats the hand in the match) but before he leaves to train he meets a girl. This girl practically changes his view on what he wants to be. He wants her and his desire to be someone is pushed aside (of course it would still be there). He wants to run away with her but is taken away before he could do so. So why he is away she is his guidance through it hoping that one day he will be with her. So as you could say, she is his achilles' heel. Also, he wants to support his mother who actually ends up being dead when he returns.

Hope this once again helps you.

Well, do make sure you contact me when you post your first part, I would be greatly interested to see how this turns out.
And as an Instructor it's my job to point out anything that could be a problem, but from what I can tell you have this pretty much figured out. So I'll just wait till I can read the real thing and see how you handle the potential danger spots in the story

I'll be posting it when I get more known in the community and review quite a bit more. I have actually only done 3 or 4 pages so far so have a long way to go. Also, tomorrow I might look at your writing, to see what it is like.

For now, have a good night Chey.


~ Alex