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Young Writers Society


Good enough hook?



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11 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 11
Wed Nov 26, 2008 2:46 pm
shadowbox says...



This is an intro to something that I have been working on.




How old had I been when I was ripped from my mothers arms? Mortal was I, but only half, and the demon blood lay dormant. It was in ignorance they took me, seeking only to save a helpless babe from a demon, no doubt bent on stealing souls.
So in ignorance I was raised.


A man by the name of Tanneth Wintry, neither old nor young, took me into his home without question. He was wifeless, and childless, save for me, so no one feigned surprise when he named me heir to the legacy that was his; The Riders, an infamous company of Bounty Hunters, whose glory spread near world-wide. Though he was but father to me, he was Captain Wintry to all else, a position that held dwindling respect.


If there are those who remember the days of peril, when the Bounty Hunters were much sought after, there are those who do not, living instead in the comfort of our City's new ease; warless and prospering. Give them their comforts I say, for it is all we have. I lived in the comfort of home and hearth, raised among the wealthy, as the wealthy, even if I was not. Barley had I crossed the threshold of childhood, into the awkward world of adolescence, did I realize my fate. Raised like a high-prized horse, I was honed and polished, till I thought I might perish with it. Educated, sophisticated, comely and obedient; all the makings of a good wife, if not a bought one.
If I was the former, initially I was the latter.
  





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122 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1656
Reviews: 122
Mon Dec 01, 2008 1:44 pm
WaterVyper says...



Very interesting. I admit, this had me reading till the end. I look forward to seeing a continuation. However, the gender was quite vague until the last few lines. You might want to put a hint to the gender closer to the beginning, unless you feel that it is necessary to keep it ambiguous. Also, one small typo.

Barley had I crossed the threshold of childhood


I think it should be 'barely'. Well, that is all I have to say. Keep up the [s]good[/s] great work!
There once was a cat.
He wasn’t particularly fat.
Fuzzy was his favorite mat.
And really, that was that.

Oh, but did you really think so?
Keep reading, it’s just the start of the show!
And as for how far this tale will go…
Well, even the cat doesn’t know.
  





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160 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 3925
Reviews: 160
Mon Dec 01, 2008 2:20 pm
Krupp says...



It sounds good to me....
I'm advertising here: Rosetta...A Determinism of Morality...out May 25th...2010 album of the year, without question.
  








That awkward moment when you jump out a window because your friend jumped out a window, then you remember that your other friend can fly.
— Rick Riordan, The Ship of the Dead