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Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 10
Mon Nov 17, 2008 3:35 am
little_miss_obsessed says...



i know it's a bit long but i broke it up into little mini paragrapphs to try to make it easier for you all to read. :-]

i'm calling it Trousdale's Syndrome.
so, let me tell you all about my dramatic romantic freaky ficticious supernatural OHMYGOSH THAT DID NOT JUST HAPPEN! book.

it's told from the point of view of a 14 year old girl who's a freshman in high school, and her name is Camilla Trousdale. her best friend, Jemma Green, is a transfer student from England, (she moved to America at age 5), and has never lost her British accent. Camilla falls in love with a boy named Austin Lockwood on her first day in high school.
a couple weeks into school, she starts experiencing intense headaches, foot cramps, stomach cramps, wrist cramps, and pretty much throbbing pain everywhere. her parents take her to the doctor who just shrug it off as a sinus infection and prescribe some antibiotics, but the medicine doesn't help, as her pain gets worse and she starts to experience more strange/weird symptoms and is finally admitted into the hospital (and stays there until winter break when she all of a sudden gets better......) =
the doctors do extensive research on Camilla and try as best as they can to diagnose her with the correct and accurate disease/syndrome that she has but try as they might, they fail.
by the time winter break rolls around, doctors have given up with trying to get Camilla better. on christmas eve, they take Camilla off of life support, expecting her to pass away the next day, on christmas. but in a strange sense of events, Austin Lockwood runs desperately into the hospital (on christmas day), immediately after hearing the sad news about Camilla, and once in her hospital room, spills out his true feelings for her while she's lying on her death bed.
her heart beat gets slower and slower and she slowly starts drifting off as Austin gives his speech to her, and something overcomes him, some sort of strong, desperate impulse that causes him to kiss Camilla, full on the lips, and as he pulls away, her heartbeat magically starts returning to normal, color slowly returns to her face, and within a few minutes, she looks as if nothing had ever happened to her. she was looking better than ever. all because of true love's kiss, by her true love, Austin Lockwood.
through a few extra days in the hospital, the doctors do some more extensive research and come to realize that there is no disease or syndrome out there that exactly fits what Camilla had. so, with a team of smart people, they get together and officially create a new syndrome, to be called Trousdale's Syndrome, named after Camilla, their first known sufferer of it. it comes out of nowhere, there are no ways to prevent it from happening, but there is a cure once you get it. true love's kiss. and it can't be just any ol' guy (or gal) out there. it has to be your real true love.
  





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Gender: Male
Points: 890
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Mon Nov 17, 2008 5:32 am
Enigmatic_Penguin says...



Easier to read than the last one, but I meant having actual spacing between every few sentences :)

Anyway, the plot seems interesting enough; I'll keep track of your updates.

Good luck with it,
~EP
  





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Mon Nov 17, 2008 11:59 am
thunder_dude7 says...



This is one of those summaries that I'd expect to hear little girls saying "aww" at the end.

It's interesting. My only concern is your ability to make it long enough. 50,000 words with that would be hard to pull off.

Also, the likelyhood of doctors accepting that true love's kiss is the cure to "Trousdale's Syndrome" is...pretty much nonexistent.
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 10
Thu Nov 20, 2008 7:51 am
little_miss_obsessed says...



thunder_dude7 wrote:This is one of those summaries that I'd expect to hear little girls saying "aww" at the end.

It's interesting. My only concern is your ability to make it long enough. 50,000 words with that would be hard to pull off.

Also, the likelyhood of doctors accepting that true love's kiss is the cure to "Trousdale's Syndrome" is...pretty much nonexistent.


i'm not trying to work this into NaNoWriMo, by the way.
and this is a book. a fictional book. anything can happen :]
  





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Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 27
Thu Nov 20, 2008 4:11 pm
Leapy says...



I will agree it is a bit easier to read then the last, although still not quite. The fact that you didn't capitalize a new sentence was sort of off throwing. It seemed like you might have just accidentally hit a period when you were still in the middle of writing.

Even if it's just a preview, the first letter in each sentence is just as important as the characters name. Some people might be afraid you wont use simple grammar in your actual story, and that might turn some people away from it. Plus it seems as if you wrote it in a rush and weren't worried about going back over to correct anything. Just a simple word of advice ^_^

As for the doctors agreeing that true love's kiss is the answer, maybe they could still be looking but your characters agree it was true loves kiss? I realize it's fictional and anything can happen, but I would honestly be afraid of a doctor telling me that, haha.
~*Don't Tear Me Down*~
  








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