z

Young Writers Society


first book i'm workin on...fantasy/drama/romance



Random avatar


Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 10
Sun Nov 16, 2008 7:20 am
little_miss_obsessed says...



here's a (long) synopsis of it.

i'm calling it Trousdale's Syndrome.
so, let me tell you all about my dramatic romantic freaky ficticious supernatural OHMYGOSH THAT DID NOT JUST HAPPEN! book.
it's told from the point of view of a 14 year old girl who's a freshman in high school, and her name is Camilla Trousdale. her best friend, Jemma Green, is a transfer student from England, (she moved to America at age 5), and has never lost her British accent. Camilla falls in love with a boy named Austin Lockwood on her first day in high school. a couple weeks into school, she starts experiencing intense headaches, foot cramps, stomach cramps, wrist cramps, and pretty much throbbing pain everywhere. her parents take her to the doctor who just shrug it off as a sinus infection and prescribe some antibiotics, but the medicine doesn't help, as her pain gets worse and she starts to experience more strange/weird symptoms and is finally admitted into the hospital (and stays there until winter break when she all of a sudden gets better......) the doctors do extensive research on Camilla and try as best as they can to diagnose her with the correct and accurate disease/syndrome that she has but try as they might, they fail. by the time winter break rolls around, doctors have given up with trying to get Camilla better. on christmas eve, they take Camilla off of life support, expecting her to pass away the next day, on christmas. but in a strange sense of events, Austin Lockwood runs desperately into the hospital (on christmas day), immediately after hearing the sad news about Camilla, and once in her hospital room, spills out his true feelings for her while she's lying on her death bed. her heart beat gets slower and slower and she slowly starts drifting off as Austin gives his speech to her, and something overcomes him, some sort of strong, desperate impulse that causes him to kiss Camilla, full on the lips, and as he pulls away, her heartbeat magically starts returning to normal, color slowly returns to her face, and within a few minutes, she looks as if nothing had ever happened to her. she was looking better than ever. all because of true love's kiss, by her true love, Austin Lockwood. through a few extra days in the hospital, the doctors do some more extensive research and come to realize that there is no disease or syndrome out there that exactly fits what Camilla had. so, with a team of smart people, they get together and officially create a new syndrome, to be called Trousdale's Syndrome, named after Camilla, their first known sufferer of it. it comes out of nowhere, there are no ways to prevent it from happening, but there is a cure once you get it. true love's kiss. and it can't be just any ol' guy (or gal) out there. it has to be your real true love.
  





User avatar



Gender: Male
Points: 890
Reviews: 1
Sun Nov 16, 2008 7:58 am
Enigmatic_Penguin says...



Er, I know this isn't exactly the type of criticism you are searching for, but I must tell you that the story might not be appealing to males.

But, I'm pretty sure you have already factored this in though... so this post might just be a waste. :?

Anyway, just keep working on it and you will probably create a good story, because in my opinion you seem to have planned this out quite well.

~EP
  





Random avatar


Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 10
Sun Nov 16, 2008 8:32 am
little_miss_obsessed says...



Enigmatic_Penguin wrote:Er, I know this isn't exactly the type of criticism you are searching for, but I must tell you that the story might not be appealing to males.=
~EP


i'm sure stephenie meyer thought of that when creating the Twilight series but that didn't stop her did it? and you see what phenonmenon that became without really any males :)
  





User avatar



Gender: Male
Points: 890
Reviews: 1
Sun Nov 16, 2008 6:26 pm
Enigmatic_Penguin says...



Alright, you got me there.

Anyway, I would recommend that next time you post a long, story related chapter/synopsis/etc., that you don't bunch everything up.

Nothing deters people from reading something more than a huge wall of text.
  





User avatar
27 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 27
Thu Nov 20, 2008 6:01 am
Leapy says...



Well as a girl.... I have to say that It does have potential. It seems a little rough still like there would be a huge hole with her being in the hospital... especially if you plan on telling it from her point of view. How would she know he was kissing her? Or even confessing his love to her if she is unconscious and on her death bed...?

Remember there's nothing more boring then having the main character stuck in a bed staring at the same four walls for pages on end, haha.
~*Don't Tear Me Down*~
  





Random avatar


Gender: Female
Points: 890
Reviews: 10
Thu Nov 20, 2008 7:49 am
little_miss_obsessed says...



Leapy wrote:Well as a girl.... I have to say that It does have potential. It seems a little rough still like there would be a huge hole with her being in the hospital... especially if you plan on telling it from her point of view. How would she know he was kissing her? Or even confessing his love to her if she is unconscious and on her death bed...?

Remember there's nothing more boring then having the main character stuck in a bed staring at the same four walls for pages on end, haha.


well i was thinking of switching point-of-view from chapter to chapter, like one chapter would be from camilla's point of view, the next from jemma's, the next from austin's, the next from camilla's, and so on.
  








You must never give into despair. Allow yourself to slip down that road, and you surrender to your lowest instincts. In the darkest times, hope is something you give yourself. That is the meaning of inner strength.
— Uncle Iroh