Young Writers Society

Currently, the only original fiction pieces I have written are part of the Dichotomy trilogy. I was hoping to get some feedback for my current project, Ai no Saori, which is part 2 of the trilogy, but response from fictionpress has been absolutely nil, something I am thoroughly depressed about.

Part 2 differs from the first part, Matei Mizuki in a lot of ways. For one, it features nearly an entirely new cast. It carries on many of the ideas presented in my first story in the trilogy, as well as help explain a few more things about the Universe of this story. It takes place a few years in the future, specifically spring of 2014.

The heroine is the titular Saori Ichimonji, a twenty-eight year old Japanese woman living in Montreal, Quebec. And in the first chapter... she summons an incubus for the purpose of wanting a child. Only problem is... her specifications were not exactly precise enough so she ends up with an eight-year-old named Anser. She decides to keep him anyways, since she wants to be a mother anyways and he's young enough.

As a result, Saori becomes the Tower to his Devil. Summoning a demon requires a pact, one that a demon is obligated to fulfill. On the summoner's end, their duty is to protect their demon, giving them powers of their own.

Of course, things are never that easy, and things take a turn for the crazy almost immediately. The fact Saori's background is a twisted one that has required her to take up two separate false personalities, one being even more immature than Anser while the other is very cold and detached. Reluctantly, Anser agrees to be in her care at first after an attempt on his life, but he quickly grows fed-up with it.

I found, while working on Matei Mizuki, that a first-person narrative with five different points of view for five of the main protagonists works frighteningly well in my works. We know only what they know, removing the necessity to show villains all the time.

The sequence I posted here is from the third chapter, when Anser finally gets fed up with her and they have an argument during a walk home from Saori's university. He wants to take his chances back home in the world of the demons, with the hope he could find his older brother or at least try to get help from the Demon Empress. Unfortunately, the Woman of Darkness he and Saori encounter seems to be that woman, along with wielding her power.

Anyways, give me some feedback on whether this sequence has perked your interest in my works. If it has, then I'll probably post my works in their entirety here.

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“Did you ever consider asking me? I know I’m only eight, but it’s not like I don’t have a family of my own. If you wanted to be an adoptive mother, how about you actually ask me about those things? How about you actually consider me an actual person than just wish fulfillment? And speaking of which… why are you doing this in the first place?”

She smiled weakly. “I’m trying to honor a friend.”

“That must be one screwy friend then.”

Saori laughed bitterly. “You could say that. My offer still stands, you know. Say the word, and I’ll declare our contract null and void, take you wherever you want to go, and just get all of this behind us. I do make a lot of mistakes -and enemies-, so I’ll honor your wishes, no matter what they are.”

I couldn’t believe it. She would just let me go into the world. With any luck, I could try to contact someone who could inform the Demon Empress about me, and then Jun could take care of everything else. This whole chapter would be finally behind me and-

A mother’s arms nearly smothered me as I was pulled sideways. I could hear the sound of ground breaking beneath me, and suddenly I was back on my feet with Saori standing in front of me.

“You will give me the boy,” rang out a harsh female voice. I peeked around Saori to see the speaker, and then my world crashed as I saw the woman standing there.

With the woman was the darkness. There was the darkness of the jet-black hair which began flowing as an ill wind kicked up around us, there was the darkness of the woman’s clothes, and then there was the darkness flowing around her… an infinite, endless darkness through which she exerted her will.

I had bore witness to that darkness before, and I recognized it instantly. Only one force in existence held that kind of darkness and currently only two women could use its power. One was a miko halfway across the globe and an unlikely heroine who eschewed succumbing to the paths others dictated for her, the great Senshutei Mizuki. The other was the origin of all demons in existence, the far greater Matei Jun.

It was dark and I could not make our their faces or any distinguishing characteristics. If I were closer I possibly determine which one it was, but every single part of me told me just one thing: this was not a woman to be trusted.

I would not trust this woman. I would not confide in her. And I most certainly would not approach her.

Saori just stood there, a barrier between me and this wielder of the Great Sea of Evil. What could a Tower do against her? Saori was capable of defending me, true, but how could her newfound and untested powers compare to that of a seasoned warrior?

“Anser.” I looked up, seeing that Saori had somehow managed to place her glasses back on her face. “Remember our agreement from before?”

“From two minutes ago? Y-yeah.”

“Do you want to go with this woman?”

I shook my head furiously. In turn, the dark-haired stranger clenched her fist in fury. We were probably going to die here, and I couldn’t think of a worse way to go. No matter how hard Saori would try to resist, the Great Sea’s furious storms would claim our lives regardless of any tactics used. All of Saori’s experience, all her knowledge in taking lives in the past would be-

“The moon is full tonight…” the woman suddenly announced out of nowhere, looking up in the sky. “And to think you could evade the Makai Wrecking…” she closed her eyes and shook her head in amazement. “I do not know why you have the incubus, woman, but I must admit even without him you are more than the ordinary. Each second I would battle you without victory would increase the chances of attracting him. I cannot run that risk. Not yet.”

“Then turn and walk away,” Saori coldly commanded. After a moment, the stranger complied. Scary Shiny Glasses Lady looked down at me for a split-second, to make sure I was still there, and then looked back up as the wielder of the Great Sea of Evil slowly continued down the empty streets, her darkness still in sight.

Minutes ticked by, long after the woman was out of our sight. Saori just stood there standing guard, and by my own choice I stayed.

This was impossible. Nobody else in the whole world could possibly have the Dai Makai. I couldn’t imagine either of them succumbing to this course of action. Saori was willing to let me go, there was no reason for forceful actions!

“Wow… what an awful lady!” Stupid Blonde Lady was back. “Know her?”

“No,” I answered. “And… and I don’t want to know her, no matter what!” Devils needed their Towers, that’s why they had them in the first place. Saori had her faults. Oh, she had so many faults. But she had twice now stood up for me when she had no real reason to.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Her eyes lit up gleefully as she looked down at me again. “Will you stay then?”

“Do you promise to try to keep yourself under control?” She nodded. “And when this is all over and that woman is dealt with I can still leave?” Saori nodded again. “Okay then, I think we’ve got a new deal then, Saori Ichimonji!”

“YAY!”
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Anyways, as I said before, if you like my style please let me know. I'll post the first story in this trilogy here, along with what I've got of this one as well, and the side-stories.