I'm currently planning a fantasy story. I haven't started writing it yet because there are some holes that need to be filled. But for now, I'd like your honest opinion about what I've got so far.
DISCLAIMER: Do not expect pretty prose in this entry. This is merely a brief, rough summary. I'll do my best to keep your interest, and apologize if my writing is boring at the moment.
The story takes place in a country called Jarek, a harsh dictatorship where supernaturally-gifted people (I'm trying to come up with a name for them) are either killed or forced to work for the government.
In a small village in Jarek, there lived a young girl named Ceil, orphaned and raised by her grandmother. When the people of the village discovered that Ceil had the ability to talk to animals, they plotted to kidnap and her and take her to the authorities, hoping to receive a reward. With the help of her grandmother she escapes to the mountains where she lives safely for a year.
One day, a group of wandering performers passes her way, lost. Ceil leads them out of the mountains and they ask her to join their troupe as a flute-player. (What is a flute-player called, anyway? Flutist?) Believing she was safe from those villagers who had tried to capture her, and longing for companionship and adventure, Ceil decides to join them.
Ceil proves to be a promising musician and a valuable member of the group. She befriends most of the members, including the handsome singer Ronan, who after discovering her ability to talk to animals confesses that he is one of the supernaturally gifted race too. He tells her of Aesta, an island populated and protected by supernaturally gifted refugees, where they could find sanctuary and grow stronger in their abilities. He says that he is only a member of the group of musicians so that he can raise the money to sail to Aesta, and invites Ceil to join him in his journey. She accepts, of course, desiring the freedom that Ronan was sure that Aesta would offer.
One of the troupe members, Naidene, is infatuated with Ronan, and is afraid that he and Ceil are in love. Jealous, she spies on Ceil, and discovers that she is supernaturally gifted. Naidene alerts the entire group, who decided not to turn her in to the government, but that for the safety of the group they should leave her behind. Soon, all but Ronan have abandoned Ceil.
Ronan and Ceil set out on their own in hopes to make it to Aesta. On the way they are pursued by Tekoa, a supernaturally gifted young man who works as a spy for the government, and other villains (who I haven't figured out yet, unfortunately ), who they fight off using their powers.
Yes...yes, they do fall in love. It's inevitable! <3
Deeply, truly, madly in love.
So deep is their love that when a group of soldiers come for Ceil (not knowing that Ronan had powers too), and they are too weak to fight anymore, Ronan refuses to leave her and confesses that he, too, has powers.
The young couple are taken to prison, but they escape (I haven't yet figured out how, but I'm sure it will be wicked cool). After one final, climactic battle against Tekoa and his sister (whose name I can't remember for the life of me!), Ceil and Ronan escape Jarek and to the freedom of Aesta at last.
That's what I have so far.
Is it halfway decent?
If not, suggestions would be most appreciated.
Thank you very much.
--inkdragon
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Points: 1090
Reviews: 3