Young Writers Society

This might be the beginning or the end, a poem on insanity. Tell me what you think.

Pull out the blade
Let it go
Walk away
Lose control

A heart was here
Seven days ago
I don't know
When they will go

Cloudy here
Hard to see
How do I know,
Nobody's following me

The pressure inside
Won't be controlled
I'm screaming here
With pains untold

Falling down
Waiting to see
All that blood,
That's not coming from me

Well that was pretty damn insane!

Really though it was good. I like the imagery of all the illusions and then at the end how you say how this person is wishing to see these illusions and delusions.

There were a couple lines that didn't flow well with the rest, but they are easily fixable.

For a poem on insanity I thought you did a pretty good job at capturing that insane, self-created illusions in one's head!

Thanks ! Could you tell me what those few lines were though?

Mmm. Having killed someone, I can tell you it's not nearly so mind-numbing or poetic.

Ah, wait. That was a video game.

Write on!

Killed someone lately? Lol
That's just my other half's delusions as you will soon see in the rest of it.
Thanks again!

Self-created? Maybe I do.

Pull out the blade
Let it go
Walk away
Lose control

A heart was here
Seven days ago
And I don't know
How this will go

Cloudy here
Hard to see
How do I know,
Nobody's following me

The pressure inside
Won't be controlled
I'm screaming here
With pains untold

Falling down
Waiting to see
All that blood,
Not coming from me

Laughing now
Blood covers me
Happy now
Watching everyone bleed

I'll use the blade
Just to make you scream
My fate is made
You can't save me

The storm has cleared
It is dead
Just wait and see
It will come again