Young Writers Society

Hello there,

I'm pretty new to this site but I've been working on my novel for some time now and I'm at a point where I'd love feedback. Nitpicks and mechanics are ok, but plot, character, and general impressions are much better considering this is still a rough draft and making finalized mechanical adjustments would likely be changed later anyway. I have about 65,000 words, 275 pages and I'm about ten chapters away from finishing which would be a huge accomplishment for me. If you have the time please give it a read and feel free to request a review back. The novel is in my port under Devil's Book (I'd post a link but I can't figure them out ).

Short plot summery . . .

Alex is a seventeen year old boy who is pulled into the shark filled waters of the vampire world against his will. At every turn he tries to escape the evil that he now seems unable to control. He finds a curious old book and an ambitious and manipulative spirit seeps into his blood and begins to take over his mind and body. Meanwhile all of the vampires he comes across seem to be pulling him in different directions, all of them leading into further darkness. His vision of good and evil begin to change, and despite his surroundings he comes to understand friendship as he never did when he was alive. In a world of power and seduction, he battles for control of his immortal soul.


That's pretty rough but it will give you an idea. The story is in third person and bounces back between a few points of view, usually touching for a chapter or two on each character but almost always focused on Alex. I hope you are interested. At the risk of offending potential readers, this is not a stephanie myers copycat and hopefully will have few similarities while still appealing to similar age groups and genre fans.

First of all, congratulations on getting as far as you've gotten so far! 275 pages is impressive and definitely shows commitment.

I'm probably not the best person to give advice about this, because vampire stories aren't generally my cup of tea. The summary is well thought out, if a bit dark for my personal tastes.

Good luck with finishing the story!

Well, for one, I am going to congratulate you on creating this piece. It shows a great deal of commitment.

Here are some questions that I will ask to get you thinking.

What are the rules of being a vampire in your story?

What sort of power do your vampires have? What do they look like?

Is your character struggling now with the idea that he might not have a soul anymore? Does he believe that he is condemned?

Is there any redemption?

Are there vampires who do not feed on humans? Is there any way to cure the vampirism?

Is there a temptress, or a women of seduction. Or is there a human girl that he wants to be with?

Or is he alone?


If you've gotten this far, surely you have established some of these questions, but perhaps you are trying to flesh it out, maybe these have helped.

I also wonder if you are trying to find a definition of what your story is about.

Is it a romance, or tragedy?

Is it an epic?

Do you plan on more? (The only reason I ask is that when you write sequels, you have to build upon what you said in the first, and you must be careful not to contradict yourself from what was established in the first as well.)

I hope I'm helpful.

Good luck

i read a vampire romance manga a while back and it was great ^_^

question, as time goes on, is there any "good" vampires in the story?

Well, I'll have to check out your story now, but the plot summary seems good. And just as Jay said, I congratulate you on getting this far. I also think it's wonderful that you are actually searching for opinions. Good luck!

It actually sounds pretty cool, but I'm basically OVER the whole vampire thing. Twilight finished/started the whole vampire fad. You won't be able to write a vampire book and get as much success as Stephanie Meyer, but she still made everyone else want to write about vampires for some unknown reason.

Kill the vampires.

Congratulations on getting so far on your story! I have yet to write something that long. Your storyline sounds interesting too, even though I'm not usually crazy about vampires.

Good luck!!

I must say congrats on getting this far in your story. I am writing a vampyre story too. [I know I put a 'i' instead of an 'i'] and its basically through the effects of nobility meets the undead. Quite dark, rich and elegant. Though I'll start it once I finish my 18th century short story.

Anyway enough on me

I think your plot summary is really good, it shows your dedication and commitment to your storyline and how you want things to be written for your upcoming novel. Even though some aren't 'thrilled' about the whole vampire thing but even if Stephenie Meyer wrote the whole Twilight series that shouldn't discourage anyone. Besides I'm sure when its completed I would love to finish reading the rest of it.

Hmm if you want to talk more in detail about your story you can PM me.