Young Writers Society

I just finished editing a 44-page urban fantasy story. (I planned out every chapter, so it was faster). It's about a guy called Kemsyt Leviticus who is heir to the throne of a little island called Ellophene, but he has to travel on an epic quest to battle his rival, Alberic Brown. Along the way, he battles countless foes, faces heartstopping dangers and discovers the meaning of life. My brother said it's like a parody of fantasy, and I was pretty offended because I was thinking more along the lines of 'epic fantasy adventure'. Like Eragon or something. However, it's set on Earth (Ellophene is a country that randomly popped up one day), so there's McDonald's, X-box, Star Wars and KFC. Oh, and drugs.

I posted it in the 'advanced critiques' forum because it's so long. It's called Friendship, Fantasy and Fast Food. (I also seriously thought about calling it Red Beans and Slimy Green Stuff)

Here are the characters.

The Good Guys (just to be simple, some might be bad):
Kemsyt: the hero, who is kind of based on me. He's a non-magic person trying to get by in a magic society.
Claudius:Kemsyt's bestest friend. More of the leader than Kemsyt, actually. He's a wizard
Tilly: Kemsyt's mysterious deity mentor. You might think Tilly's not the best name for a god, but it's very important.
Eleanora: The Smart One, which is ironic because she's based on me a bit. Can speak Elvish like a real elf, which is pretty spectacular. She's a dwarf
Adolph: Kemsyt's annoying wimpy little brother, on whom the fairy genetics in the family are very pronounced.

The Bad Guys (just to be simple, some might be good)

Alberic: Snobby, sarcastic and impatient. Doesn't like mundanes
Bertha: Alberic's bodyguard. She's a giant (which means she's 10 feet tall and weighs 488 kgs. She's described as "a little chubby").

There are also more characters joining the party on both sides (including one crazy gnome, one cute gnome, five gods, an old alchemist, assorted dragons, a high school principal, two more giants and a troll), but revealing anything about them would ruin it.

Haha, everything you write I just read it in Brian's voice! I just can't help it ^_~

Anyway I think this sounds like a cool idea. Funny and interesting, I like the sound of it.

It sounds really funny and unique - I've not heard of a book with a similar theme, so I'd love to read it.
One thing: I'd suggest that you didn't base the hero on yourself. It is a bit narcissistic.

One thing: I'd suggest that you didn't base the hero on yourself. It is a bit narcissistic.

when I write about a main character I tend to make them have similarities to myself somtimes. I don't think that's really narcissistic, i think it just makes it easier to connect with your characters. I mean if you made them exactly like you, but amazing at everything then that would be egotistical, but i don't think basing a character on yourself to a point is bad.

But that does sound like an interesting story. I think i'll go read it now. =D

If people live in the real world, why are all the names sounding like they've been pulled from some fantasy book? Just saying.

This story sounds really good, I want to go read it now!

kris wrote:One thing: I'd suggest that you didn't base the hero on yourself. It is a bit narcissistic.

Not if the Lead has flaws.

Just don't make the Lead inordinately virtuous, and you should be fine.

Oh, and, based on the proposed setting, I would agree that the names don't sound right. They give off a "high fantasy" vibe. Change the names to, well, normal, names, unless you're a genius and you can pull it off without reading awkwardly.