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Lead Character Could Use Some More Meat



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6 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 890
Reviews: 6
Sun Jul 13, 2008 9:05 pm
Theo Hart says...



Hey, this is the lead character for my current major project, and I was wondering if you guys could give some critiques--tell me if I'm missing some major character distinctives, if something doesn't make sense, if I need to re-write a section, etc...

Obviously, a character profile can't contain everything that's important, but it can contain a lot.

So, fire away!

By the way, I know this is relatively rough, and I'm just a wee bit embarrassed by how it reads. : P

Also, there are some of my personal fantasy terms in there, so, if you want explanations, ask me for... well... explanations.

Name: Donik Carak

Character Type: Lead

Story Goal: To lead what’s left of his surrogate family, and other Wielder families, to safety.

Gender: Male

Age: 19

Distinctive Visual Traits: Big nose, olive skin, long hair tied in the back with a string of leather or blue ribbon, depending on the social context.

Height: 6 feet 9 inches
Body type: Long and lanky
Hair color: Golden Brown
Eye color: Dark Green

Mannerisms: Gesticulates when trying to make a point, smirks a lot, movements are precise but resemble a hurried giraffe, uses his eyebrows to convey displeasure or surprise, slides into a glance when doubtful or sneaky

Distinctive Speech Pattern: Casual with an intellectual twist and, occasionally, a strong spike of cynicism. In terms of tone, it’s quite nasal, like he’s speaking out of his forehead.

Personality: Courageous, virtuous, has a self depreciating sense of humor, intelligent, a budding sense of calculation, aggressive

Background: Donik was born in the ghetto of a fishing and trade town within the City State of Vagonu and was abandoned by his parents for reasons unknown. He lived his early childhood as an orphan on the streets, but was taken in and “raised” by an older boy named Erkek, who protected Donik and taught him the basics of street fighting. A few years later, after Erkek had been killed in a fight and Donik was on his own, he was about to be killed himself when Marcus Carak intervened and saved him. Afterwards, Marcus and his wife Angela adopted Donik. He was then raised and educated along with the rest of the Carak children. After observing that Donik had natural talent in fighting, in addition to a long reach, Marcus personally tutored him in the use of staffs. Through this, he became both a budding scholar and a skilled, classically trained, fighter. Throughout his late prepubescense and teens, he traveled with Marcus and the rest of the family on diplomatic trips as his apprentice and page.

Personal life: When in London, he lives with the rest of the Carak family in a large, well furnished, townhouse within Kensington. When on the road, they live in a lavish black stagecoach. His best friend is Harold Churchill, twenty-one, the son of a Wielder Delegate and his love interest is Harold’s younger sister, Anna Churchill, eighteen. In terms of recreation, he talks with Harold and Anna and other sons and daughters of Delegates, or plays Go.

Private Life: When he’s alone, Donik reads or trains excessively, often into the wee-hours.

Work life: He is Marcus Carak’s apprentice and page. Duties include escort to all political events Marcus attends, transcription, retrieval of manuscripts and Motions, etc…

Strength: Mental resolve

Weakness: Over confident, prone to fits of anger
  





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Mon Jul 14, 2008 9:22 pm
Gahks says...



Hey Theo! Haven't seen you here before... welcome! I'm Gahks (pronounced 'garks'); pleased to meet you!

Try my character questionnaire - just click the link below:

http://www.youngwriterssociety.com/topic29300.html
"Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself." William Faulkner.

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Mon Jul 14, 2008 9:34 pm
Twit says...



Not enough flaws. Flaws are what makes a person real. Any character starts out with a big virtue - they're a character, and you're going to be telling us about them. This is especially apparent if the character is the main one, the focus, the Most Important Person, the one who we follow most.

Give any character heaps of flaws and weaknesses, but give the ones you care about the most the most flaws. My favourite character (don't tell the others I said that) can be horrible, and I mean really, really, REALLY horrible. She's my favorite, and she's the nastiest character I have, and I know that she's real. In an artistic sense, of course.

Does that make sense? You know how if you meet someone, and they're nice, we generally pick on one thing that shows this: "She's really generous" or "He was really gentle". But if we're describing someone's faults, the list never ends.

Characters have the virtue of simply being characters. Pile the faults and failings on.
"TV makes sense. It has logic, structure, rules, and likeable leading men. In life, we have this."


#TNT
  





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Tue Jul 15, 2008 12:43 am
Clo says...



Heya! I'm Clo! *shakes hands*

I like how your character isn't blonde and blue-eyed. Fantasy stories have the strangest cliches. I don't see the need to make all heroes so appealing looking. So I really like the big nose bit. :?

And wow, is he tall! Almost 7 feet! Wowza!

TG's right about the flaws thing. But I don't think you need to chock a char full of them - just enough to make it realistic. If you give a character too many flaws, they'll become a butt monkey, or the butt of all jokes and oppression. Think Meg from Family Guy. :?
How am I not myself?
  





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Tue Jul 15, 2008 2:51 am
thunder_dude7 says...



When making the flaws, think of each trait as a double-edged sword.

For example, he is courageous. However, maybe he is also untrusting.
  





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Tue Jul 15, 2008 3:16 am
cammie4 says...



You're off to a good start, but his personality needs a bit of work. You have some words, and words are good, but way too broad. I mean, courageous could mean anything. He could be a daredevil, he could be cautious, but not afraid, or maybe he's rash and acts without thinking most of the time. You have to really know your character like he's your closest friend. When you write about him, write like you're telling your parents (or whoever you want to imagine) about this super awesome person you met and you want them to really understand how cool this person is.

Also remember that for every good trait, there has to be a bad one. For instance, he could be aggressive, but sometimes it gets out of hand and he ends up in trouble. The best characters are the ones with flaws. Why do you think everyone loves characters like Shrek and Bella Swan? Because they're so much more real when they have flaws, because no one is perfect.

I do think you have good stuff here, it just needs a little bit more depth. You really have to know your character.
  





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Tue Jul 15, 2008 9:59 am
Eimear says...



I think you could gain depth by basing some aspects of his character on a real life, flesh-and-blood person that you either know very well- his laugh might be like that of your brother's, or someone who is famous. One of my characters is mostly a re-work of a very old character of Dickens, so although they're interesting, that didn't just drop out of the sky.

Good luck.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

Oscar Wilde.
  








Powerful men have a way of avoiding consequences.
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