Young Writers Society

I am finally starting to seriously work on a story idea that has been in my head for a long time. At this point, I don't have a lot of the details worked out yet, and it is possible that a lot of this will change, but I will give you the basic idea.
Constructive criticism and suggestions would be very appreciated!

The story is science fiction/fantasy, and looks like it will nicely divide into three parts. (These might eventually become a trilogy, or a single book, depending on length)

My two protagonists are Aura and Ceron, who each live in a different parallel universe.
I haven't worked too much with character development yet, but Aura is a generally optimistic person, who is pretty outgoing and open to new experiences. She also feels that she is somehow different form other people, and sometimes feels isolated, but she usually keeps this to herself. Ceron is much quieter and usually keeps to himself. He lives with his mother, who has to work long hours to support the two of them. He is often bullied at school, and is extremely responsible for his age.
The main antagonist is Ember, who is from the same world as Ceron. She has a huge thirst for power, which is caused by her life as a child. She has some sort of magical power (I haven’t worked this out much yet) She has a lot of influence over many different countries in many different worlds, but desires complete control. I think she also really wants to be looked up to and appreciated, which is also a result of her childhood. She is extremely intelligent.

So, about the plot…
Ember is increasing her power in many different universes. Aura is led by a special book (something else I still need to work on) to a parallel universe, accidentally picking up Ceron along the way. They learn that they need to find a powerful spyglass, which they hope will help them to eventually stop Ember. Many different groups are constantly trying to influence them along the way, and they can never be sure exactly who their friends are.
Depending on how things work out, they might also have to stop the traveling between universes, but I haven’t thought much about that yet.
There is a lot more to it, at this point that is all vaguely floating around my head, and doesn’t really make much sense.
I would love to hear what you guys think! I know I haven’t given a lot of details, but there are some things that I don’t completely understand yet, and I will have trouble putting them into words.
Edit: Please read my most recent post on page two, which gives more info.

Thanks!

Every idea has potential to it and from what i've read of your post I defo believe your story has potential. If you have this many ideas in your head, I'd hate to think of how many ideas you lost because of memory failure (my bad, i'm a computer geek)

It seems you have a lot of ideas and a good start for a good story, but try and fill in those gaps you are unsure of, then you'll have a clearer idea of where your going.

Have you started any writing yet or is it all in your head?

Reminds me of the HIS DARK MATERIALS trilogy. You know, the Golden Compass and such. But other than that, any story has potential. This one can be really interesting, even if it isn't the kind of story I'd read. With fantasy and science fiction you always have to keep in mind that readers don't care about your mythology and your magic. They care about your characters and their relationships. Don't get too caught up on trying to explain the magic of the book or the multiverse or whatever. Let the reader accept they are there, and this is the world your characters are living in, and just go at it. That's the best advice I can give for fantasy. Is this fantasy? It sounds like fantasy.

Plus: it seems like you're trying too hard to explain your antagonist's action through Freudian psychological reasons. Just write him, and the reasons will come to you later. Just a tip though... Most of guys who hunger for power are usually pretty pathetic guys who were never remarkable in any way. Hitler's the perfect example.

Apparently, Icaruss, Hitler was a wonderfully inspirational speaker, and his paintings were pretty good, too.

Yeah, but he was a struggling artist and his first attempt to make a big revolution and stuff failed miserably. He also lacked social skills. That's the kind of thing I'm talking about. But yeah, he was a genius and a fantastic public speaker. Just, you know, crazy in the head.

The spyglass and the different dimensions. These do remind me of his dark materials. I have no clue how the amber spyglass is involved in the plot, but it's a major element (a whole book revolves around it =P) and the fact is the two MC's (a girl and a boy!) travel from one dimension to another to defeat the big bad guy who is taking over. Since your story is vague, I can't say if they are all that similar, and so long as you have a unique angle on it then you have my full support.

Otherwise, your idea sounds good. But I can't say for sure, since I think one of the most important things are the characters. Make them really and you'll do very well.

Okay, you're all definitely right in saying that this sounds way too much like His Dark Materials. Part of this is because I started reading that series just after I got my original idea for this. The early planning was affected a lot.
However, beyond the general outline, the story gets quite a lot different. The worlds are different, the theory behind the parallel worlds is different, and the main events of the story different.
I know They seem extremely similar at this point, but trust me, my story is going in a completely different direction.

Maybe, to prevent yourself from becoming the next Christopher Paolini, you could at least change the spyglass to something else.

Wait...main villian is Amber...spyglass...I sware that I've heard the term "Amber Spyglass" before...but I'm not sure where...hm...

thunder_dude7 wrote:Wait...main villian is Amber...spyglass...I sware that I've heard the term "Amber Spyglass" before...but I'm not sure where...hm...

You're joking, right?
XD "The Amber Spyglass is the third book in His Dark Materials. =P

And good! If your plot and world concept aren't similar then that's great. it's just hard for us to tell since the description is rather vague. =P Either way, the idea is good. Go for it.

Yeah, it does sound a little too close to His Dark Materials; a boy and a girl traveling through different universes to defeat a bad guy and there's a spyglass involved and the possibility of not being able to continue moving between dimensions after, etc. I think one of the main things that will make a huge difference is the means by which they travel. There's usually some kind of cost or payment for that ability. I think making it too easy would make for a boring story (unless everyone can do it, and does so on a regular basis) but if the "payment" or method is too much like His Dark Materials, your readers will call you on it (especially with all of the other similarities).

I recommend reading other multiverses. I'm a big fan of the idea. Try Interworld and, if you're into manga, TSUBASA: RESEVoir CHRoNiCLE (which can be found in English for "free" online). Those are the only two that immediately come to mind, but I'm sure there are more. Make sure to tell me if you know of any other good ones. I'd pay particular attention to the means by which the characters travel and what they have to do to be able to do so, like I said earlier.

Actually, the author of His Dark Materials is Philip Pullman. Christopher Paulini wrote the Inheritance Cycle, and As there are as yet no dragons in my story, I think I run very little risk in becoming the next Christopher Paulini.

As far as the crossing between universes, I have been struggling with that for some time. The magical powers in my story will probably involve concentration of mind, so I will probably do something similar for passing between Universes.

For the way that the Multiverse works, I have been getting ideas from scientific theories. I am either going to use the type of multiverse suggested in the String Theory, or Many-Worlds Interpretation.
I am leaning towards the Many-Worlds Interpretation (the same idea used in His Dark Materials) If I use this idea I will probably shift the focus of the story to separating the different universes.
The String theory will be much more, difficult both for myself and my readers. If I use it, I will probably take out the separating of universes.

Sorry for the confusion. When I said that you should avoid being the next Christopher Paolini, I meant so because he basically got all of his ideas from Star Wars and Lord of the Rings, and you should avoid that.

I like the idea but I can see where you'd have trouble-it sounds so complicated and theoretical it will be hard to write it. I suggest you plan out each chapter with bullet points, so it seems less daunting. That's what I'm doing.

thunder_dude7 wrote:Sorry for the confusion. When I said that you should avoid being the next Christopher Paolini, I meant so because he basically got all of his ideas from Star Wars and Lord of the Rings, and you should avoid that.

Oh, I see what you mean, and you're right. I want to have my own original story, not a combination of the ideas of other writers.


The bullet points are a good idea, but first I need to figure out exactly where I am going with this.
Most of the theoretical stuff is more for myself than my readers. I have to have some firm rules about the worlds that I am creating. Otherwise I start going way to far, end end up with something completely unrealistic.

hmm, I'd read your book . It looks very interesting. I am a fan of fantasy, so this pricks my interest ^.^ . I think that it has good potential