Young Writers Society

Characters
The Girls- Brianna(9th Grader), Mariana(11thgrader) Gracie(11th Grader) Kimberly- (9th Grader) Jessica(11th Grader) Diana(9th Grader) Crystal(Berenice)-(9th Grader)

The Boys- Alex(9th Grader)- Zack(11th Grader)-Derrick(11th Grader)-Jared(9th Grader)-Sam(9th Grader)- Nick(9th Grader)- Joe(11th Grader)

Plot: Believe in stuff thats out of the ordinary, unreasonable decisions and consequences, people belive stuff and decide in others and what you want to say doesnt matter . Some say that you choose your own future and make your own choices in most cases ,yes but in some there is "the man" that chooses for you .

Misery in earth is more common just like violence its a common everyday thig does this earth have a fix???Are humans able to come up with a solution even if it means putting others at risk.
What happens when "the man" wants to put in charge and force teens who some dont know what being responsible means but wants to experiment how things go when a couple of teens have the responsibility to fix everything.

This is the story of a couple of teens that have been forced to fix everything that is wrong with this earth and stop the violence wich is like impossible.
When abilitys are given will it turn to a task into a childish game 4 some of them??
Will trust turn into treason??
Every decision can have a great aftershock even when nothing makes sense.


Lets take a look at the story and the "heroes"

**Moved** to Writers Corner. Only actual parts of stories go in Fiction forums.

-:pirate3:

JujuMayuDreamer14 wrote:
Believe in stuff thats out of the ordinary, unreasonable decisions and consequences, people belive stuff and decide in others and what you want to say doesnt matter

Stuff sounds...odd. Try 'things'. For 'thats' try 'that's' or 'that is'. Doesnt spelled doesn't... and 'belive' is spelled believe.

JujuMayuDreamer14 wrote:
Misery in earth is more common just like violence its a common everyday thig does this earth have a fix???

Misery 'on' earth, perhaps? ...common, ... violence, it's.. thing. Period after 'thing', capitalize 'does'. Only one question mark needed..

JujuMayuDreamer14 wrote:
Are humans able to come up with a solution even if it means putting others at risk.

This is a question right? If it is you need a '?' at the end.

JujuMayuDreamer14 wrote:
"the man"

If I were you I would use 'these marks', "quotation marks" make it sound like somebody is talking...

JujuMayuDreamer14 wrote:

What happens when "the man" wants to put in charge and force teens who some dont know what being responsible means but wants to experiment how things go when a couple of teens have the responsibility to fix everything.

Um...This doesn't make since.

JujuMayuDreamer14 wrote:
This is the story of a couple of teens that have been forced to fix everything that is wrong with this earth and stop the violence wich is like impossible.

...earth, and stop the violence which is, like, impossible.



It was good, just that some things don't make since. You need to explain better. Also I noticed that you don't use commas in your contractions. (Don't, I'm) There's also a few other errors here and there...If you reread it I'm sure you will revise it and fix those errors and possibly errors that I may have missed.

Every decision can have a great aftershock even when nothing makes sense.

Which is the case with this synopsis. NOTHING MAKES SENSE.

Sorry. That was harsh, but it's what I felt. So "the man", which, I will add, is a pretty weird name, decides what people do, so he makes this group of kids stop all the violence in the world?

...

You realise that would require nuking the whole planet until nothing is alive anymore, right?

It could be an interesting concept, but I'm not sure I completely understand this. At the moment I've got the idea that there's "the man", who is like a personification of fate. And "he" chooses 14 teenagers to fix everything wrong with the world? With good development, "the man" could be a fascinating character-I'm already interested in him.

First of all, 14 characters is a lot for a main cast. You might want to cut it down, so you've not got so many protagonists to develop and take care of.

Fixing everything wrong with the world is very big and vague. You could narrow it down to something smaller-consumerism, smoking, or war maybe?

I'm also curious about the "abilities". Finally, I reworded the synopsis a bit so it's clearer.

Believe in things out of the ordinary. Unreasonable decisions and consequences. People believe one thing but do another. And what you want to say doesn't matter.

Some say that you choose your own future and make your own choices. In most cases, this is true. But sometimes "the man" chooses for you .

Misery in earth is common. Just like violence, it is a common everyday thing. Can we solve it, even if it means putting others at risk?

What happens when "the man" experiments with a bunch of teenagers and gives them responsibility for the world?

This is the story of a couple of teens forced to fix everything that is wrong with this world and stop the violence. It seems impossible.

When abilites are given will it turn into a childish game?
Will trust turn into treason?
Every decision matters.