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A story I am working on writing.



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Wed Jul 02, 2008 2:38 am
safrican4lyfe says...



Hi all,
Before I post more, It would be greatly appreciated if I get your opinions.
I am writing a story focusing around a girl Tory who is abused by her mom who is an alchoholic. She finds it very hard to tell things to anyone, even her best friends. Even her best friend Nick who she tells everything too, she can't tell this to. Her English class gets assigned a research paper on abuse, but when Tory runs out because she can't handle it her teacher thinks twice. After Tory thinks about it more, she wants to continue to do the research paper for extra credit. The day she hands her paper in, she bumps into someone and accidentally hands in her journal. She has a journal called ,"my life" where she writes poems, letters, and just feelings about her abuse. Her journal gets collected as her paper instead. When the school starts taking action about all her entries, people start finding out. They all think she is making it up for attention. When Nick finds out, he can't even look at her. By the end of the book Tory's mom will be arrested and Tory will meet her father.

What are your thoughts about this as a story? Anything is welcomed!

Thunderdude- Thank you I will change that. How about this. The person she bumps into is her teacher, and her teacher thinks her journal is her paper. Tory takes her paper assuming it's her journal and puts it in her bag... OR She doesn't realize that her journal fell on the floor and her teacher thinks that is part of her paper including the actual paper? Okay, and last, the paper is over a period of a week. During a documentary about abuse Tory runs out, because she can't handle it. Her teacher realizes that she overlooked it, and decides to cancel it. Later Tory wants to still to the paper for extra credit.
Last edited by safrican4lyfe on Wed Jul 02, 2008 3:28 am, edited 1 time in total.
  





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Wed Jul 02, 2008 2:58 am
thunder_dude7 says...



Ooh, interesting. At the beginning, the proper word to use would be alchoholic, not drunk.

Anyway, the only thing that I don't really think works is accidentaly handing in her journal instead of her actual paper. Also, wouldn't she notice that she had handed in the journal instead of a few sheets of paper?

Also, I'm confused a little. She gets assigned the project, then runs out of the classroom? So, what's with the extra credit? I thought this was just normal homework?
  





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Wed Jul 02, 2008 6:39 pm
Tatra says...



This sounds like an interesting story, although I'm not sure that I would read it. I've had alcoholism touch my life, so I've had enough of that. I do have some suggestions for you.

The journal, I think it might work to have her journal fall out of her bag, and the teacher notice it and pick it up to return it to her. But, the girl leaves before the teacher can get to her. Then, the journal falls open, and the teacher notices the subject matter. Also, I would suggest that your character freak out when she notices that she doesn't have her journal. I mean, she wouldn't want anyone to read it, she would keep a close watch on it.

Another thing I would suggest is to look up Alateen. Alateen is a support group for kids and teens who've been effected by alcoholics in their lives. A good place to start your research. It might also be a good thing to include in your novel.

Otherwise, it sounds good. The drama of her mother being arrested and her finding her father might be something to include in your novel, or a sequel to this. Because, everything won't be all right just like that. :D
Some people fall in love and touch the sky.
Some people fall in love and find Quicksand.

- Incubus
  








Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.
— C. Northcote Parkinson