Untitled WIP

Gender:

Points: 890
Reviews: 16

Thu Jun 26, 2008 5:28 am

Hello everyone.

I've been working on something for a few months now, but my readers in real life aren't the most dependable, especially for solid criticism and feedback. Here's the first segment; pending community reaction, I'll add more.

EDIT-while-previewing: It seems that copying and pasting removes most of my formatting - I hope you don't mind attachments.

Cheers, and enjoy.

Attachments

Segment A1A.pdf: (91.52 KiB) Downloaded 23 times

Gender:

Points: 890
Reviews: 16

Thu Jun 26, 2008 7:22 pm

MidnightGladius says...

Please delete this thread - I apologize for not reading through the regulations, and have posted this in the right subforum.

"It's time to acknowledge the inevitable. Stifle your pride and embrace the glory of change." - Volrath Ishnikar, the Faithless General

Gender:

Points: 1090
Reviews: 241

Thu Jun 26, 2008 8:23 pm

lyrical_sunshine says...

No!! Don't delete it - it just needs to be moved. I skimmed through it the other day, and it seems very good. One thing I did notice though - you tend to be a little wordy. Don't be afraid to use simple sentences, not just complex ones. Simple sentences are your friends. :D

Anyway, that's my fly-by-night critique for right now. Hehe.

“We’re still here,” he says, his voice cold, his hands shaking. “We know how to be invisible, how to play dead. But at the end of the day, we are still here.” ~Dax

Teacher: "What do we do with adjectives in Spanish?"
S: "We eat them!"

Gender:

Points: 890
Reviews: 16

Thu Jun 26, 2008 10:35 pm

MidnightGladius says...

Aha, but I've already created a new topic for it in the proper subforum. For purposes of organization and general cleanliness, this one should be removed. Thanks for giving it a look, though.

"It's time to acknowledge the inevitable. Stifle your pride and embrace the glory of change." - Volrath Ishnikar, the Faithless General

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