Young Writers Society

Well, I haven't published yet, or sent anything to be published. I'm writing two novels. One I just started a few days ago, and the other's been around since last year!

The Hidden School

Lucella and her friend Zres are supposed to go a magical academy after Christmas, but strange things are happening in their home Red Flower Village, and when their new friend, Syar, is kidnapped, Lucella and Zres go to great lengths to find him. But he's not who they think he is, at all.

Cia and Myere

Cia's cousin comes to stay, but when he starts acting strange, Cia knows something is up. And when he begins leaving the house everyday, Cia follows him and realizes something's terribly wrong. Then she tries to save him, but she's fighting against magic way more powerful than herself.

Qamar,

These ideas are excellent and I really want to read them.

Get them posted!

The second one will be, once I actually finish the first chapter, and edit it.

flytodreams wrote:The second one will be, once I actually finish the first chapter, and edit it.

I can't wait to read it!

The first chapter of 'Cia and Myere' is done, now I'm writing the second chapter.
And as for The Hidden School, I deleted the 2nd and 3rd chapter, and now I'm editing the prologue.

Extra: The first chapter is called 'Vranem West' and it's 7 1/2 pages long.

Ooh, yeah! If you've got any more details on these, don't hesitate to post them- they sound awesome.

I've posted the prologue of 'Icy Paths' on the Fantasy Fiction board. Here's the first chapter. It's almost finished, I guess.

Note - this is the unpolished version.

Any crit for it would be nice anyway, so...

Chapter 1
Claws Of Death

“I can’t wait to go home! I miss the whole village getting together every night, and Dad tells all of us a story. He’s a great storyteller! After the story, we all tell each other goodnight. And we always help each other. I love my village!”

Rhen smiled at her best friend as she packed her bag. “I’m going to miss you though, Lila.”

Lila smiled back and hugged Rhen. “Just promise to write at least once a week. And don’t get a new best friend!”
Rhen laughed. “How can anyone be a better friend than you?”

“Umm…Rhen?”
Rhen and Lila broke apart and glanced at Lila’s cousin, Lars.
“Yes, Lars?” asked Rhen.
“There’s some really bad news…about your village.”
The warm smile on Rhen’s face faltered. “What happened?”
“An army attacked your village. They…they…I’m really sorry, Rhen, but they burnt it down.”
Rhen’s heart stopped. “Y-You’re joking…. right?”
He shook his head. “There weren’t any survivors…I’m so sorry, Rhen.”


Rhen froze as her uncertain smile faded. Her lips parted. A lump formed in her throat, and her eyes stung with tears.
She shook her head ever so slightly, hoping Lars would burst into a full grin and tease her about how she was fooled.
His expression remained dead serious.
“No.” Rhen said in a barely audible voice.
Lars eyes changed to reflect concern. Rhen saw the hint of a tear in one of them, which Lars quickly rubbed.
“NO!” screamed Rhen. “IT HASN’T! THEY’RE NOT!”
Lily grabbed Rhen’s arm. “Rhen…Rhen.”
Rhen swung her arm out of Lila’s grip and marched up to Lars.

“This is a joke! Tell me it’s a joke!”
Lars sighed and walked out of the room.
A tear trickled down Rhen’s cheek.
An anguished cry arose from her throat, and she collapsed to the ground.
Her intuition and disbelief began a battle.
They’re dead, Rhen.
No, they’re not!
Yes, they are.
Lars is lying…
He’s not.
It’s not true!
It is. Lars looked straight into your eyes and said it. You call that a lie?
I won’t believe it!

Rhen shook her head, oblivious to Lila’s arms around her shoulder. As the tears dripped onto her skirt, she felt her heart leave with them.



“How did this happen, Lila?”
Lila responded by hugging Rhen tighter.
“How could my whole life be destroyed…just like that?”
Her head dropped onto Lila’s shoulder while her arms hung near her knees.

“Thanks, Lila.” Said Rhen. “But I’d like to be alone now, just for a bit.”
“Okay.” Said Lila, and stood up.
Taking, slow, sad steps, she walked out of the room and closed the door behind her.
Rhen stood up and sat on one of the two beds in the room. She lay down there and covered herself with the cozy blanket, and cried her disbelief into nonexistence.
She succumbed to the grief, hurt and sadness and closed her eyes.
ZAP!

Rhen’s eyes flew open.
A tall, fair lady dressed in a pale blue dress was standing near the bed. Her eyes were big and a deep green. Long, chestnut brown hair cascaded down little below her slim waist.
“Rhen.” Said the woman, her pink lips framing the word perfectly.
Rhen opened her mouth, but found she couldn’t speak.
The lady bent down near Rhen and placed a soft, fair hand on her cheek.
Rhen closed her eyes and smiled, the touch was so soothing. The woman opened her eyes and began.
“Rhen, there is a girl somewhere.”
Rhen opened her eyes again and raised them to meet the woman’s dark green ones.
“She is the one who can destroy evil. You have to find her.”
“M-me?” Rhen started. “I…but…”
“There has been no mistake.” Said the woman, as if reading Rhen’s mind.
“You have to find her and convince her to find and battle the Dark Orb.”
“Dark Orb?”
“Wizards born and taught to serve evil. Their master is Iznek. He must be
destroyed first. Only when he is dead will the Dark Orb be vanquished, for
he is not planning on a successor. And the Dark Orb would never dream of
selecting a ruler amongst themselves.”
“But I can’t…my family..."
The word ‘family’ cut deep into Rhen’s heart and she fell silent.
“I JUST CAN’T!”
“Iznek killed your family!” explained the woman. “He sent three hundred soldiers into your village and burnt it down. He is responsible for killing your parents and your siblings!”

Rhen’s eyes widened.

The woman's face darkened. "Do you want more people to suffer? To lose their families just like you did?"

Icy Paths is my new obsession!!!!!!!
The prologue and first chapter are already up. By the way, you've read and reviewed them, thanks a lot! If you haven't, please check them out. Chapter 2..first draft...
Chapter 2
Ease

[pre]Zakulade’s eyes narrowed. He reached a black-clothed wrist and brushed it against the Orb through which Rhen was visible.
“Concealus E’ Orb,” he said dangerously.
Rhen and her surroundings faded, and swirling mist appeared in the Orb. Then the mist disappeared to reveal Zakulade’s furious expression.
“COAL!” he roared.
Running footsteps were heard, and then a trembling voice responded:
“Y-yes…Your Majesty?”
Zakulade’s night-black robes swirled as he whipped around and glared at his servant. “Coal, I sent you and your men to Byeran Village for a reason. To find Rhen Braker and kill her, correct?”
“Yes,” answered Coal, and a triumphant smile unfolded on his face. “And I did, Sir…”
“But you were unsuccessful,” pressed Zakulade. “She is still alive. STILL ALIVE, COAL!”
Coal began trembling, while his eyes reflected confusion. “But, Your Majesty…I did see a girl with curly black hair and dark brown eyes…”
“Fool,” said Zakulade. “Avana Murderous.”
The soldier froze and then fell to the ground, lifeless. Zakulade pressed his fingers to his temples and began rubbing them, muttering foul curses.
“She still lives…the Fra’in may already know…”
“They do not.”
Zakulade lifted his eyes. A figure was leaning against one of the pillars. Whoever it was, they were cloaked and hooded, and arms folded against chest.
“How do you know? They don’t trust you yet,” said Zakulade with a drop of impatience in his tone.
“Very funny,” said the figure, in a deep, female voice. “While we speak, they are searching Byeran Village, just to confirm she is already dead. It will be a matter of hours before they realize she is still alive.”
“What of her Soul Guardian?”
“Terina has other affairs to attend to.”
“These are particles of good news. Are you not dropping any obstacles?”
“Apart from wasting their time, no.”
“Why?”
“I accidentally yet intentionally dropped a very large hint that I am not on their side. They have become much too suspicious for your liking.”
“What do you mean accidentally yet intentionally?”
There was a chuckle, and the figure walked calmly out of the room.
[/pre]

Ok, I really think you've got something brilliant going on here! Though when your writing about something heartbreaking or emotional try 2 add more feeling to it. Or even a dramatic pause. That would really spice it up!
Ex;

"They-" I'm sorry he said, unable to finish. They burnt down your village.

Something like that. I think your ideas are totally awesome though! I hope you get published;p

I really like it. I feel you really rushed through chapter 1 but chapter 2 is very good! Still, feel free to slow down a bit. I feel you aren't taking your time to let things happen. Chapter 2 seems more confusing than it needs to be though. And don't forget the setting! Time of day, lighting, geography, landmarks; make sure you describe them all. It adds a lot of drama.
Great work though! I'm in the same boat as you; I'm trying to turn my writing assignment this year into a published novel. Keep writing!

The Hidden School and Cia and Myere are on hold now. I started another fantasy novel, and it's going GOOD!!!
It's called 'Icy Paths' and I posted the prologue in the Fantasy forum. (Check it out, please? lol )

The prologue is still the same, I changed a few sentences to improve its quality, but it's still the same. Oh, yeah, plot.

Icy Paths:

A rebel group called the 'NW' wanted a potion for their leader, Ramgoldi. They had all the ingredients needed for that potion except essence of moonlight mixed with sunlight. That was an extremely rare and precious mixture, and only the Wood Fairies had it.

The Wood Fairies refused to give the NW the mixture, because they knew that if Ramgoldi was immortal, the NW would kill everyone almost blindly.
In a hasty last-minute decision, the Wood Fairies injected the moonlight-and-sunlight mixture into one of the children in the kingdom, Rhen Braker.

Then everything became complicated and dangerous for John Braker. He had to leave the magical world with Rhen and her brother and come to our world, to keep the enemies at bay. (Because to get the mixture, one would have to kill Rhen).

Of course, without the potion, Ramgoldi died after all. After him, another member of the NW took over. His name was Zakulas, and he wanted revenge for Ramgoldi's death when everyone wanted him to be immortal.

John Braker left Rhen's twin sister behind, so if Zakulas found and killed her, he would think that Rhen was dead, and it would buy them some time and safety. When Zakulas learns of this, however, Rhen's life is in complete danger.

----

Do you think it sounds like a stupid plot? I tried to make it as original as I could.
I'm in the first two chapters now, and right now, I'm going to do the third.