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How is my prologue? [Fantasy]



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Mon Mar 03, 2014 6:46 pm
Zontafer says...



Hello!
First let me introduce myself.
My name is Benjamin and I live in Norway. My grammar may not be the best, so forgive me if you see any bad grammar.
I just started to writing, and got inspired by Tolkien.
I need some constructive comments on how I can make my prologue better and improve my grammar. Also things I could write more/less about.

Prologue

A grey and cold mist filled the air by The Passage. Rangers walked a grey wall of stone, with cracks all over it. Once a upon a time, many decades ago, this wall had perfectly cut stone bricks and had an even grey colour, now weather and battles have tired on them. Next to the wall a forest stood with huge trees. Some say they can even be brought to life. Some say they already are alive. That they have voices and communicate with each other under the earth. Over the forest a tall mountain, tall as the sky found place. At the bottom of the rock, old runes were carved in the stone in a form of a gate. Unfortunately, the ancient language was long lost.

A wolf emerged from the shadows of the woods. His name was Greyhowl, and he was leader of the greatest and thriving pack of the wolf race. The wolf could see torches lit; guards were on patrol as they always did this time of the night. He pricked his ears to hear what they was talking about. It was always interesting to listen what they had to say about the realm.

- It’s bloody cold outside this evening! If I’d only have one of those wolf cloaks…
- I hope that I will soon have the coin for it.
- The coin? How would you save up for that with this payment? 8 silver for each day watch, 10 for the night watch. Last time I checked, a couple of days ago, a cloak of wolf fur had the price of 29 silver! You need the money for food and family, and then 29 silver for one cloak. I barely have anything left after 5 days of work.
- That’s true, but the boy is old enough to be a squire, so I will earn some extra coin.
- Hmm, my daughter can be married away soon, just need to find a good lad with a rich family, or at least someone that has some gold.
- Speaking of boys, a new prince is born, you heard?
- A new prince? Elvenfort?
- Yes, a little green elf.
- Does he have a name?
- Elandor, a prince of Elvenfort, blessed with blue eyes of the river.
- Guards! A third voice spoke.
- Ships at the harbour, we are under attack! We need as many men as possible!
- Do we know anything of the enemy?
- Yes, orcs, dark elves and goblins. Folk have fled from the harbour, the defence will not hold for long.

Everything described about the trees, runes, Greyhowl will have a purpose later in the story, if you didn't already figure out. :)

Thanks for taking your time!
"If you're going through hell, keep going."
- Winston Churchill








We are discreet sheep; we wait to see how the drove is going, and then go with the drove.
— Mark Twain