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Tue Jan 17, 2012 2:25 am
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Attolia says...



Romantic ones and friendships. But for romantic ones, I have a big question:

Would you rather be in an all-consuming, fiercely passionate relationship, where you love each other one day and hate each other the next? Extremely sexually attracted and drawn to each other, but you often fight and it's full of ups and downs?

OR, would you rather be in a more gentle, compatible relationship? Perhaps like an arranged marriage of earlier days that worked out really well. Where neither of you may be the other's ideal mate, and there's not extreme sexual attraction, but you get along really well. You love each other and can depend on each other. You're comfortable and have a good life together; there's just not that same attraction.

Other questions:

Are you a (romantic) relationship person? Do you always have to be in a relationship? Or, are you bad at staying in relationships, are they not your thing?

Do you have a few close friends or many casual friends? Or both, or neither? (It's always bothered me that there's not more options.)

Are you more of the listener or the talker?

Do you get attached easily or is it hard for you to trust?

Do you like liking somebody? I.e. do you enjoy having feelings for someone? I love this question, lol, especially because I never see it. I think it's fun to have crushes, but I also kind of hate it when I like somebody too much - I feel like it makes me weak or vulnerable or something.

Or, just what do you think of romantic relationships in general? Friendships?
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Tue Jan 17, 2012 1:50 pm
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SunshineandCarnage says...



I'm an emotional person. I can love someone while they hate me. I never ever get over losing friends or anything. I'm not a relationship person- most people are too immature. I have this friend that has a girlfriend but everytime he talks about her, I'm jealous.. even though I'm not attracted to him. I feel weak all the time because of my tendencies to be a clinger. I have this wonderful relationship going on with this boy- it's not a dating relationship, it's a strong, gentle friendship that is built on mutual love and trust, and I believe that that is the best kind to have.
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Tue Jan 17, 2012 10:49 pm
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Inkswirl says...



Yeah I'm not a big relationship person, probably because so far I don't seem to be able to have the attention span to like one person for more than about a week, perhaps two at a stretch. I do think having crushes is fun though, and the flirting definitely brings my mood up :P Possibly I just haven't matured enough to have a relationship yet, so I don't know how well I can respond to your first question... although I'd imagine I'd prefer the kind of passionate love/hate relationship - stable ones are good and all but it seems to describe friendships to me more than romantic relationships. Then again I'm a very emotionally driven person, so... yeah.

I'd say I've got quite a few good friends, I really can't imagine life without them - if I can trust and depend on a person, and obviously get along with them well and have a good time, then I'd consider them a good friend. Having said that, I do have problems trusting people, which may be another reason for my lack of a relationship, as whenever something turns remotely serious I have the tendency to run away.
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Wed Jan 18, 2012 9:20 am
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Snoink says...



1. The latter. I don't think I could stand being in a relationship that was less like a partnership and more like a power struggle, even if the sex, or sexual tension, was great. :?

2. I don't have to be in a relationship, but I don't mind being in a relationship... or not being in a relationship.

3. Few close friends, though I have a bunch of casual friends too.

4. You have to do both equally if you want to be in an equal relationship.

5. I want to know who the person is before I attach myself to him in a relationship. It isn't matter of me not being trustful, it is a matter of learning to love this person for his merits.

6. No. I don't like how helpless it makes you feel, especially when you know that the feeling is probably not reciprocated.
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Wed Jan 18, 2012 1:04 pm
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Lauren2010 says...



1. The latter? Although this is suggesting that gentle and compatible relationships can't be passionate, which I don't think is the case.

2. I don't have to be in a relationship, I'm perfectly capable when I'm single, but I have always said I'm a girlfriend kind of girl. I like being in relationships and being in that partnership (on the flip side, I dread the dating part that leads up to a relationship).

3. Few close friends, but a pretty good spread of casual friends too.

4. Both

5. I tend to attach myself, and probably sooner than I should. But whatevs.

6. Yeah, when the feelings are reciprocated. If they aren't, it hurts and drags you down every time you think about that person.
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Mon Jan 23, 2012 11:19 pm
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ahhhsmusch says...



Having been in that type of passionate relationship that is plagued by constant fighting, I would go with the second one. The way you described it, it sounds like a commitment to a friend that you know and trust, and I think that passion will result from caring and understanding even without pure sexual attraction.

I think that I am really good at staying in relationships, and really bad at being a successful bachelor. Having had two somewhat long term relationships (long for a 21-year old male), one lasting about 9 months, the other over a year, and now being in a six-month and counting relationship, I think that I'm much better at committing than playing the field.

I have a lot of casual friends, but the majority of my time is spent with my close ones.

I used to get attached easier than I do now.

I hate and love having feelings for somebody. I like that I feel weak and vulnerable when I am not feeling completely weak and vulnerable because I feel that there is nothing more human than feeling emotions for another human being.




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Wed Jan 25, 2012 8:31 pm
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stargazer9927 says...



The second, because I've been in a relationship where we loved each other one day and hated each other the next, and no amount of physical attraction would make it bearable. And I think guys were more respectful in the old days, so that in all honesty wouldn't bother me just as long as he was a good guy that would take care of me and treat me the right way.

I've only been in one (official) relationship, and it didn't last long, so I can't really answer the question correctly. Yes, I believe in relationships and I hope someday I'll get in a good one.

Both. I have some close friends (but most of them live far away now), and I have tons of casual friends. I like them both.

Also both. I LOVE to talk (I never shut up) but I'm also a great listener and if you tell me something chances are I'll remember it years down the road.

Once again, both. I majorly attach myself to anyone I like, but I have major trust issues and I've never trusted someone completely, no matter how close we were. I have a hard time with someone leaving me.

I love the feeling! I missed crushes so much this past summer when I was getting over a guy and wasn't ready to bounce back quite yet. Sure, you feel helpless, but that's why you write about it ;)
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Thu Jan 26, 2012 12:58 am
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alwaysawriter says...



In my head, I think the first one, but that's because I read too many teen romance stories.

I've never been in a relationship.

I have a lot of close friends and a few casual friends.

It depends. Usually the talker but it's entirely up to who I'm with.

That depends too. It may seem like I trust someone on the surface but, in reality, I don't trust them at all. There are very few people that I actually truly trust.

Sometimes. A lot of times it's just annoying.

I like having close relationships with guys. One of my "brothers" told me once, "I may hate you but I'd kick someone's butt* for you." We fight like little kids so it's to be expected. I have another "brother" that my mom refuses to take to Food Lion when the three of us go; she gets dirty looks when we fight like six year olds. I'm completely comfortable around them both. Relationships scare me, to be honest.
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Thu Jan 26, 2012 1:02 pm
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SunshineandCarnage says...



alwaysawriter wrote:Relationships scare me, to be honest.
and that's okay! You've got your whole life ahead of you to decide what you want. I'm seventeen years old and have never had a first kiss because taking it slow and not rushing into it like other kids my age is more important than experience
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Fri Jan 27, 2012 12:01 am
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Cumulus says...



The second one, and I didn't even have to think it through. I personally don't think that having such a rocky relationship would work. Relationships should be built on trust and respect. At least that's how I would want it. I believe it would be the happier lifestyle of the two.

I'm not really a romantic relationship person. I've never been in a relationship though, so I can't really answer that.

I have two close friends, but other good friends as well. I get along with a lot of people, despite being shy.

Listener. Actually, it depends on who I am with. If I'm comfortable with a person, I talk non-stop.

I get attached way to easily. When I crush it takes a while for me to forget about them. I like having a crush on someone though, it gives me things to gush about with my friends, haha.




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Fri Jan 27, 2012 10:57 am
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lilymoore says...



Being in college has taught me a lot in the realm of relationships, most especially the romantic kind rather from watching my friends or from going through them myself. And though I’ve watched some great relationships form, I’ve watched some equally wonderful relationships fall apart.

Two particular relationships (both [seemingly] failing as a spoiler alert) come to mind. But for the sake of these two stories, I’ll just make up some wonderfully unimaginative names for all of these people.

The first is between my friend Andy and his girlfriend Jane. Both of them are oddly attractive people and in their own rights, they’re wonderful people. But they have one of the most fiery, all-destroying relationships I’ve ever seen. On Tuesday, Andy came to class, sat down all down-trodden about how Jane and dumped him and by the time I was walking into the dining area, I spotted the two of them massively sucking face in a booth. But as of about ten o’clock tonight, they were apart again. And in a way, I think they both enjoy just how crazy and whirlwind it all is. It kind of makes them work as a couple and I’m almost certain that they’ll have gotten back together and broken up again by the time I have class with Andy again on Tuesday.

The second couple is between my friends Emily and Sam. They have such a very quiet relationship that you sometimes wonder if they haven’t just totally forgotten about each other. But you pick up on the subtle hints like when they sit next to each other and I walk by just at the right moment to catch them fold their hands around each other and tuck them under the table or even just the way that Sam will smile up over the top of his computer screen at Em during a game of League when she does something above and beyond what was expected. And even though I hear people gossiping about the two of them splitting, I can smell a good many years ahead for the two of them.

Still, when it comes to myself, I had to pause and think back at all of my romantic, and even my almost-romantic friendships that never really went where they could have. And some of them have been subtle. Until I was playing a game of pool with one of my best friends tonight, he never knew that had it not been for one fatal night, I would have likely ended up dating our friend Mark who’s now playing father to the two sons of a girl just down the hall from me.

Others had been more obvious, like the almost relationship I almost wish I could have with my friend Aaron that start out very blatantly flirtatious because although we’re both sexually attracted to one another, we would likely rip one another’s throats out after a week.

But now I look at where I am at the present and the guy I really like right now (and get to spend all weekend with too!) and I think, were I to really have to choose, I would pick the way it is right now with Adam. We’ll spend hours just sitting around, playing ridiculous video games or Magic the Gathering and talking. Sunday night, we stood outside for an hour and only stopped talking when I got to a point of cold where the heels of me feet hurt. The sexual attraction isn’t there but when he hugs me when no one else is looking, I feel like the way I imagine Snow White must have felt when Ferdinand kissed her awake.

I should really quit rambling like this; I’ve taken up an entire word document page. I’ll try to not do so with the rest of the questions.

I am, what I would consider, a romantic relationship kind of person. Of course, more than once or twice, I’ve been tempted with the apple of romance only to end up with the sharp end of a very short rejection stick. (Far too many times it would seem.) Still, it’s an innate part of myself that yearns for a real, true to the fairy tales love story.

College has allowed me to have such a huge range of friendships. Some people are my friends only because we’re in drama club together and even though I’m really one of the only drama club member who doesn’t spend a lot of my time with the rest of drama club, when any of us bump into each other, its cause to stop in the hallway and chat until we’re late for where ever we were going, and the same applies with my group of friend that I’m in pep band with. But then there are friends of mine who I hang out with every single day regardless of what else there may be to do, better known as “the wall” of the commons area. We’ve occupied the same chunk of booths up against the same wall for years apparently and there is easily around 40 of us in and out of that portion of the commons on any given day, some of them just to eat and others to bunker down with their boyfriends and watch 7 hours of King of the Hill until they fall asleep there.

For sure, I’m a talker. If the length of this post doesn’t have anything to say about that fact. I’ve more stories to share then it seems possible in relation to the number of years notched on my door frame, speaking figuratively of course.

I do get attached easily and at the same time, I have trust issues. Mostly, I get attached to the presence of people. A number of people I know ended up on academic suspension this semester and they’re gone now. One in particular, nicknamed Michigan, and I were never very close but his very absence brought me to tears the other night. Still, I’m always very careful to let people too close to my heart. It only has around three defense points left and I’m always worried about a critical hit running it through a paper shredder.

Yes, I love the feeling of liking someone. It’s this odd sense of adventure that comes from, for me, the very idea of getting to know someone, flaws, perfections, and all.

But I’ll leave the last question there for your interpretation from everything else I’ve said. I’m kind of glad I replied to this thread. It was nice to have a focus point to reflect on for a while…and it’s really hard to sleep while my roommate’s boyfriend’s snores shake the bed.
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Wed Feb 15, 2012 3:29 pm
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misstoria says...



I'm more for the all consuming relationships. Yes the more quiet relationships are easier but they lack the true passion that keeps two people together. I'm a romantic person but I don't date much, I'm looking for "the one". I have just a few close friends and a few casual friends. I'm a talker, but when it comes to trusting someone else I just can't. I do really like "liking somebody", I just always have.
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Fri Apr 13, 2012 11:06 pm
Attolia says...



I'm dragging this up again because I want your guys' feedback on a theory(?) I've developed concerning the subject.

For me, to truly want to be with somebody (and I would assume to love someone, but I've yet to experience that), two things have to be fulfilled:

- Firstly and most importantly, I have to respect him more than I respect myself.
(Or I suppose this could be equal respect.)

-I have to be physically attracted to him.


They might be just completely obvious common sense? You guys might be just be thinking "duh" right now to them. Or is this different for you guys? Do you agree or not? If you can summarize what needs to be fulfilled for you, please do so! Interested in what other people think of my little theory and interested to hear others'.

Thus far I've only found one person who has met both qualifications (so many people I know fit one but not the other), as picky(?) or cheesy or stupid as that sounds, and I hung out with him last night, and I absolutely hate it.
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Sat Apr 14, 2012 12:09 am
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Rosey Unicorn says...



I disagree with your first qualification, and here is why:

When I tend to respect another person more than I respect myself, I know that the relationship is dysfunctional. Why? Because I trust another person/their opinions more than myself/my own. I find this sets up unrealistic expectations for the other person's behaviour, and makes me rather... how to say it. Clingy doesn't describe, "submissive" is probably a better fit but not exact.

Equal respect (on a deep level) is only achieved when I can respect even the flaws in a person. In caution, I tend to withhold any attraction until I can figure out the good and bad sides. Once I've done that, I can decide if they're worth any sort of long term investment. I can have superficial respect, or only respect in certain areas, until then.

I usually consider it a big warning sign if I respect the other person more. I've had more friendships totally disintegrate because I got out of a dream buzz and saw them for who they were, and suddenly didn't like it. Trying to reestablish any sort of equal ground after that is difficult at best.
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Sat Apr 14, 2012 3:36 am
Attolia says...



Interesting, thanks Rosey!!

I like a lot of what you said, and that makes total sense. I suppose I could change "respect more" to "respect equally" for the sake of that qualification in its universal application.


Spoiler to save you all from my annoying, sappy rambling.
Spoiler! :
But for me, and I bet I'm somewhat of an anomaly, I still hold to respecting more. And I think this is because I'm vain. Like, I'm very sure of myself in most respects. I can only relate the situation to the specific guy I'm thinking of, so I guess it hasn't been fully tested. ALSO, majorly hasn't been fully tested because I'm not in a relationship with the kid. But like, I don't feel any lesser in his presence at all, more the opposite. I respect him more than I do myself because he possesses the epitome of qualities I admire and lack myself. But, I don't envy him them, because I like who I am and wouldn't change it about myself.
This is probably hard to follow without knowing the specific qualities: this kid has the least BS of anyone I've ever met. He is such an inherently good, stable, real person. He doesn't play "the game" at all. Contrastingly, I have way too many layers and I do have a lot of BS, and I play the "game" a lot. But, I like playing the game. And I don't mind my layers and my BS because I am a very introverted, mental person and there's no getting away from that - I'm not being fake, I actually do have BS.
So basically, I respect this kid more than I respect myself. (Also, because he's a doer (a man of action, heh) instead of a talker, and he's very actively passionate about what he believes in, in the most humble way ever.) These are all qualities I admire soooo much. I feel like I could learn a lot from him and grow as a person through him. But, I still have complete respect for myself.
While I admit to being completely scared of him, it's because I'm scared of vulnerability, not because I'm at all intimiated by him. It's respect, not intimidation, and a type of respect that makes me feel like a better person in his presence, not a lesser person.
Hope I've explained myself. And you all can give me crap for my sappiness; in fact, please do. I disgust myself reading what I wrote about him. But, can't get away from it, though I want to.
well you'll work harder
with a gun in your back!
for a bowl of rice a day