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Mon Sep 26, 2011 12:48 pm
PiesAreSquared says...



I've been feeling stressed recently, and i think this is a good way yo release stress. Anyone got ORIGINAL jokes to post? Well i will start.

What language do ducks, chicken, turkeys, and geese speak?
They speak fowl language!
The moment you say that one set of moral ideas can be better than another, you are, in fact, measuring them both by a standard, saying that one of them conforms to that standard more nearly than the other. C. S. Lewis

I used to be ZLYF




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Tue Sep 27, 2011 7:28 pm
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LookUpThere says...



I have a dirty joke...

mud.

Also, what's brown and sticky? A stick.

:P




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Tue Sep 27, 2011 11:23 pm
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Aloha says...



Things To Do In An Elevator....:D

1) CRACK open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"

2) STAND silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.

3) WHEN arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.

4) GREET everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5) MEOW occasionally.

6) STARE At another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly.

7) SAY -DING at each floor.

8) SAY "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.

9) MAKE explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

10) STARE, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."

11) WHEN the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12) TRY to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13) DRAW a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."

14) WHEN there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15) PUSH the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

16) ASK if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.

17) HOLD the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"

18) DROP a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"

19) BRING a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20) PRETEND you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.

21) SWAT at flies that don't exist.

22) CALL out "Group hug" then enforce it.
Point me to the beach!




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Thu Oct 06, 2011 12:19 am
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Starlight9 says...



Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"

"Outstanding," Fred replied. "They taught us all the latest psychological techniques - visualization, association - it's made a big difference for me."

"That's great! What was the name of that clinic?" Fred went blank. He thought and thought but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?"

"You mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife. "Rose, what was the name of that clinic?"
★L9




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Sat Oct 08, 2011 4:42 am
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Kafkaescence says...



Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
It was dead.
#TNT

WRFF




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Tue Oct 11, 2011 6:37 pm
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LosCadaver says...



A girl once said "Talk dirty to me." so I looked her in the eye and said "Socks."


So a string walked into a bar, and the bartender told him
"I'm sorry sir we don't serve strings here."
So the string walked outside tied itself into several knots and messed up his hair,
waited a few hours and walked back into the bar.
The bartender said to him
"Look I've told you before buddy we don't serve strings here"
The string looks at the bartender and says
"I'm a frayed knot"
Nar sensurert, opprorer.




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Sun Oct 16, 2011 7:56 am
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Nikko says...



A cellphone asks another cellphone "Why are you wearing glasses?".

The other cellphone replies "A lost my contacts."

BA DUM TSS
"The means dictates the end" - Denam Morne




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Sun Oct 16, 2011 1:56 pm
GeeLyria says...



Bahahahah
Noob is a state of being, not a length of time. ~Ego

"Serás del tamaño de tus pensamientos; no te permitas fracasar."




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Sun Oct 16, 2011 1:58 pm
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GeeLyria says...



BahahahahAHAHhaha Lol Danny.

Here's mine:

A men walked into a libary. "Where can I find the book "Men: a Perfect being?" He asks the lady on the counter.

She points to her right with her finger and says, "Over there, in the Science-Fiction section!"
Noob is a state of being, not a length of time. ~Ego

"Serás del tamaño de tus pensamientos; no te permitas fracasar."




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Sun Oct 16, 2011 5:26 pm
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ehte92 says...



xD I did this one. :lol: :|
Attachments
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Are you living for the things you are praying for?




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Tue Oct 25, 2011 12:59 am
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PiesAreSquared says...



finally got another one

Question: what is the source of gravity?

Answer: soy sauce i know, sweet sauce even, chiili sauce i also know, but grabity sauce, i've never heard of before
The moment you say that one set of moral ideas can be better than another, you are, in fact, measuring them both by a standard, saying that one of them conforms to that standard more nearly than the other. C. S. Lewis

I used to be ZLYF




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129 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 1606
Reviews: 129
Tue Oct 25, 2011 3:02 am
PiesAreSquared says...



i-ran the ship aground, I-raq-ed it soon after...
The moment you say that one set of moral ideas can be better than another, you are, in fact, measuring them both by a standard, saying that one of them conforms to that standard more nearly than the other. C. S. Lewis

I used to be ZLYF




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Tue Oct 25, 2011 1:56 pm
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beckiw says...



Where does Napoleon keep his armies?

Up his sleevies!
'The creation of a single world comes from a huge number of fragments and chaos.' - Hayao Miyazaki




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Tue Oct 25, 2011 6:39 pm
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Blink says...



An infinite amount of mathematicians walk into a bar.

The first one says: "I'll have a pint, please."

And the second one says: "I'll have half a pint, please."

The third says: "I'll have a quarter pint, please."

And the fourth says: "I'll have an eighth pint, please."

The barman looks up, annoyed. "I see where this is going," he says, and pours two pints.
"A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction." ~ Oscar Wilde




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Tue Oct 25, 2011 7:03 pm
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Demeter says...



In the living room the curtains were drawn, but the rest of the furniture was real.
"Your jokes are scarier than your earrings." -Twit

"14. Pretend like you would want him even if he wasn't a prince. (Yeah, right.)" -How to Make a Guy Like You - Disney Princess Style

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