Young Writers Society

Just tell me what you want the content to be based on and I can give tailored lesson to these requirements.

I need at least 4 people to make a "class" of sorts.

Put your name down in this thread if you're interested.

Hi, I'm quite new to forums but this thread caught my attention. So I might as well join in. xD

If you'd take a look at this paragraph I've extracted from a chapter of my works, I'm constantly repeating the word 'she'.

The clock was on the stroke of seven. She expected the cuckoo-ing to be ringing in her ears soon. She was prepared for the loud noise that frequently scared her. Now, she was sure it wouldn't. She placed an elbow onto the armrest of the chair, her chin being supported by her palm. She looked groggy, or perhaps just lazy. The front part of the house was messy; the bags still in their positions by the door, her phone broken and its contents scattered beneath sofas and cupboards.

A friend said that usually the readers wouldn't suspect the repetition. But to me, I think it sounds weird. D: Sometimes I avoid repeating it, but I just find myself doing it all over again. Any help?

Will do.
I will deal with this in the first class, which will be on Sunday 15th June.
Make sure to be there for info @xfabulisaa

Alright.

Apologies for the lack of a lesson today as promise, thanks for the interest. I can start a one to one tutoring if you're interested?
Lemme know and I can start with that paragraph you posted in the forum.

Yes I'll join! Improvement is always what I need so ill join!
Thanks for making this thread

Hi, +1 here, and I would really love some help with creative writing, especially getting people to actually feel the story! Could you supply me with some tips on how to get readers hooked near the beginning of the story, and how not to over elaborate and yet still be descriptive? Hope I'm not asking too much of you! Thank you for this wonderful offer!

Right... since I now have 3 students I will begin classes... now. XD

Here is how it will work.
I will explain the content of the lesson in this thread.
(Which will be the next thing I post.)
And then you will have 5 days to complete the task I set based on the material requested.

So, my register of students.

1. @xfabulisaa
2. @Thewriter13
3. @1morestupidlovesong
4. @BiscuitsBatchAvoy
5. @567ajt

I will know whether or not you've registered as it were, if you have completed the task within the five days.

Right:

Planned Course Content So Far

Editing and repetition (as requested)
Getting readers hooked
The structure of a story..... and
Writing without words

I will post the details of the first lesson and assignment: Editing and repetition in the thread now.
Also, I will place the times and dates you have to complete assignment in that post.

If anyone reading this decides to join that's perfectly fine too. Just put your name down in the thread saying you'd like to join and complete the first assignment available.
I'd be happy to have more students.

Let's pick up our pens...

Editing and Repetition

According to the notorious Ernest Hemingway:

"The first draft of anything is sh@t."

So the first time you write something "raw" as it were, you may not be very happy with it.
Fortunately, there is a simple solution to this problem: and that comes in the form of editing.

As @xfabulisaa requested about the editing of this paragraph she submitted:

The clock was on the stroke of seven. She expected the cuckoo-ing to be ringing in her ears soon. She was prepared for the loud noise that frequently scared her. Now, she was sure it wouldn't. She placed an elbow onto the armrest of the chair, her chin being supported by her palm. She looked groggy, or perhaps just lazy. The front part of the house was messy; the bags still in their positions by the door, her phone broken and its contents scattered beneath sofas and cupboards.

Upon first reading of this paragraph, you may not notice anything particularly "wrong" with it. And that's because there isn't! There's no right or wrong way to write something. It's a matter left all down to personal style. But in a strange way, editing is more important than writing. We could edit this piece many times over and come up with continually different results.

However, there is a difference between "editing" and "changing."

Change for change's sake is worth nothing, change for improvement's sake is worth something.

The point at which you can't improve a work anymore (in your eyes) is when you should stop editing.

As Stephen King agrees:

The road to hell is paved with adverbs.

Sometimes, as writers, we can be perfectionists. And perfectionism is our disease! Because then you never let the Internal Critic in your mind accept that whatever you've written is good. And it will be.

Using the above paragraph as an example we can analyse thus:

1. There is a repetition of the word 'She' as a sentence starter.
2. A lot of long sentences used.
3. Select details that may not ALWAYS be relevant.

Now that is me picking holes over and done with. These are the things I have noticed about the work - since I am being critical of it. And as fellow writers, you should be able to look upon it in the same way.

Here is your first task:

Assignment 1

1. Read the above paragraph.
2. Make bullet points about the things you can nitpick about it.
3. Rewrite it in a way you see fit. Maybe changing the things I suggested above. You can make it longer, shorter. Reorder the details given completely if you see necessary. Just ensure to keep editing it until you feel you have the reached the point at which you can't improve it anymore.

The opening date of this assignment is today: Wednesday 18th June 2014
The closing/due date of this assignment is for: Sunday 22nd June 2014

When you've completed the assignment either post it here in the thread... or you can send me a PM with the completed work.

If you need help during the process of this task then don't hesitate to contact me via the thread, PM, chat or any other form of communication; and I will do my best to help you.

Good luck.
~ BSF
Fellow Wordsmith

I'd like to join! Do I just start the first assignment?

Yep sure. @BiscuitsBatchAvoy

it's set now so you can start and hand it on time.
Welcome to my class!

Count me in.

Do we PM you our assignment?

Yeah it says in the assignment bit.
PM or post in the thread

(original) The clock was on the stroke of seven. She expected the cuckoo-ing to be ringing in her ears soon. She was prepared for the loud noise that frequently scared her. Now, she was sure it wouldn't. She placed an elbow onto the armrest of the chair, her chin being supported by her palm. She looked groggy, or perhaps just lazy. The front part of the house was messy; the bags still in their positions by the door, her phone broken and its contents scattered beneath sofas and cupboards.
Nitpicks/Edits
1. Repetitive she's..makes my head hurt. Just name her!
2. Don't need to mention it will scare her if it isn't going to this time; why is that relevant anyway?
3. It keeps changing from she to the inconsistently; choose one (the house, the bags, her phone)
4. Run on sentences
5. Does she look groggy/lazy but not feel it, or does she feel groggy/lazy? Saying she looks that way is a bit vague. Also, is she groggy or lazy? Pick one.
Revised--# is going to be her substitute name, as I don't know what the author wants to actually call her.
The cuckoo clock was on the stroke of seven. # leaned her chin against her palm lazily, surveying her house. The front of it was a mess. Bags were strewn everywhere, their contents spilling onto the floor. Parts from her broken phone were scattered beneath sofas and cupboards.
Done! Are you grading these? Can you grade these ? Hope I changed it accordingly!