Young Writers Society

Hey.
I have read, I will grade it in a fashion.
Although there is no right or wrong really.
But well done for completing so promptly.
*gives gold star* XD

Thanks! anything that needs improvement?

@BloodinkSeesFootage
I am PMing my assignment.

I have received it and I will get it marked by the end of today.
(unless you're in a different time zone, in which case it might overlap) XD

@1morestupidlovesong

I will give notes for improvement when I mark it, which I will do by the end of today.

@1morestupidlovesong

I will give you the "grades" via a PM later today. So be sure to check.

@BiscuitsBatchAvoy
@567ajt
@xfabulisaa

Assignment 1 is due in tomorrow!

Pick up those pens please.

Hi I actually was wondering if you could make a lesson based off of a problem I'm having with my poetry. I'm adding lots of imagery to this poem but there's not any emotion according to some people who reviewed it. Do you think you could help me (and the class) with this? How do I incorporate more emotion in my imagery? Thanks
Here's the poem and the link: Swamp Life

There is a sound that pulsates through the sky, pinching chills into the arms of foreigners
This noise pushes all quiet out of its miry and mossy groves, lurking in the shadows of the unknown
There is a buzz that penetrates the silence and washes over a lazy gator
A ghost flower, with its tentacle-like petals and piercing red eyes, trembles in the shallow breeze
Feet push through muddy water, trudging through the thickets,
Mosquitos latch onto bare, defenseless skin, hungry for flesh
Heat comes in armies, marching through saw grass and setting flames to faces
Though this swamp appears somnolent
It is very much awake

The clock was on the stroke of seven. She expected the cuckoo-ing to be ringing in her ears soon. She was prepared for the loud noise that frequently scared her. Now, she was sure it wouldn't. She placed an elbow onto the armrest of the chair, her chin being supported by her palm. She looked groggy, or perhaps just lazy. The front part of the house was messy; the bags still in their positions by the door, her phone broken and its contents scattered beneath sofas and cupboards.

Hmm, well for this I'd say a few things:

1) It's a little bit purple prose-like, i.e. too much attention on the background than the actions of the characters.
2) It's also fairly repetitious.
3) A bit of show don't tell wouldn't hurt.

So, here's my improvement, which will probably suck too. XD

"Upon the clock reaching a new hour, and in anticipation of the cuckoo-ing that was supposed to be ringing in her ears, Shauna was on the prowl, waiting like a caged animal. She placed her stiff elbow onto the armrest of the old, wooden chair, her chin being supported by her palm. She looked disorientated, by another hour devoid of deafening noise. The front part of the house was untidy, messy, and highly disorganized; an OCD's worst nightmare. Her bags- the gateway to her freedom- were still in their rather predictable positions by the door, her phone broken into pieces and its contents scattered beneath sofas, cupboards, and all over the wall. Suffice to say, Shauna was in Hell.

@xfabulisaa

Just a reminder! Today is the final day for submitting your first Assignment.

@BloodInkSeesFootage did you see my request? Thanks

Hey @Thewriter13, yep. I have seen you request... and the next lesson and assignment will be based from it.
I will put the new stuff up tomorrow - so stay tuned.

Writing “Real”

How do I incorporate more emotion in my imagery?

At first glance, the question above seems almost impossible to answer. However, there is a very simple solution to ‘writing with feeling.’
It’s a one word answer: Honesty.
You have to write something that is true to yourself. Lying in writing will be clearly visible to your reader. For example, if you try to write about the experience of losing your dog – but you’ve never had a pet dog – you’re not going to be able to write about those emotions in an authentic way.
Using “Swamp Life by @Thewriter13…

There is a sound that pulsates through the sky, pinching chills into the arms of foreigners
This noise pushes all quiet out of its miry and mossy groves, lurking in the shadows of the unknown
There is a buzz that penetrates the silence and washes over a lazy gator
A ghost flower, with its tentacle-like petals and piercing red eyes, trembles in the shallow breeze
Feet push through muddy water, trudging through the thickets,
Mosquitoes latch onto bare, defenceless skin, hungry for flesh
Heat comes in armies, marching through saw grass and setting flames to faces
Though this swamp appears somnolent
It is very much awake

…which received this comment in a review:

Technically, your whole poem is on point.
But I feel nothing when I read it.

This presents the next challenge. Not only do you have to write about a subject with honesty, you also have to convey the feelings to your reader. They have to feel something too.
Now, looking at Swamp Life, there is nothing wrong with it (as stated in the review), but what do you feel when you read it? Now some of you may be thinking that you don’t need to feel anything. Fair enough. However, reading is a passive enough experience as it is, without letting the words slip past your reader because they don’t interact emotionally with your subject content.
Therefore, it’s important to engage your reader to keep them interested in what you’re writing. This applies to all forms of written work – particularly novels because they are longer- but even with an anthology of poems for example; if the reader finds your first few poems to be boring and unremarkable, then what is there to spur them on to read the rest of your work?

Assignment 2
The challenge then, for this lesson is to re-write “Swamp Life.” In your new version, there needs to be some sort of emotion present, that is comprehended by you as a reader/creator, me as a teacher and your fellow classmates. Think about whether the meaning of your words would translate to those different demographics.
Your revised version of the poem should be about the same length. When you have finished writing it, I would like you to add a couple of sentences at the bottom explaining what emotion you have put in the work, e.g happiness. AND: why you chose it.
NB: It’s probably easiest and most effective to choose an emotion you are familiar with and are comfortable with conveying. (Unless you want to set yourself a challenge.)

The opening date of this assignment is today: Monday 23rd June 2014
The closing/due date of this assignment is for: Friday 27th June 2014

When you've completed the assignment either post it here in the thread... or you can send me a PM with the completed work.

If you need help during the process of this task then don't hesitate to contact me via the thread, PM, chat or any other form of communication; and I will do my best to help you.

Good luck.
~ BSF
Fellow Wordsmith


@xfabulisaa - (still waiting for Assignment 1!)
@1morestupidlovesong
@Thewriter13
@BiscuitsBatchAvoy
@MasterGrieves

@xfabulisaa
@1morestupidlovesong
@Thewriter13
@BiscuitsBatchAvoy
@MasterGrieves

a gentle reminder that you only have three days (including today) to get your second Assignment completed and handed in.
Don't forget!