26. Put, a, comma, after, every, single, word. Because you know, it's simply proper grammer.
27. Post a story in the middle ages and make your characters use phrases like, "That was sick!", "Dude, what the hell is wrong with you?" When a critic points this out to you, tell them that your characters are just ahead of their time by 700 years.
I love this so much. I hope I haven't made any of these mistakes.. Oh dear.
28 ) Post chapters of the same novel in different genre forums every time, because you don't want to be genreist.
29) Post pieces in the community forum, because the community needs know about it.
30) Keep spamming everyone's guestbook with the url to a random piece. Post about three per guestbook, because they are thick and need to know about it.
31) Post your homework as reviews, because you need points and homework must be good for something
Haha, I cracked up (and almost choked on my popsicle) when I read Suzanne's, LoveableLittleShock's, and Aedomir's add-ons to the list. :]
A have a few more.
32. TyPe LiKe ThIs BeCaUsE iT lOoKs So FrEaKiN' cOoL. Caps are just amazing. They fit everywhere. "OH MY GOD!" Cathy whispered. And the creepy mad scientist making an evil concoction in his lab? "HaWhAw eVeRyTHInG is gOInG pErFeCTlY!" he says.
33. Yellow fonts are suddenly in fashion. So are white fonts. Those make entries really, really, really easy to read. It's not like squinting is that hard. And everyone loves yellow and white fonts, so why not type your critiques in those colors as well?
34. Tiny fonts are the best. Size nine? Eight? Seven? Six? Oh, those are too big. I like size three fonts. That way everyone has to copy and paste the whole entry on Microsoft Word to read it. How fun!
Last edited by Summerless on Mon May 19, 2008 2:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.
35. Leave some empty space to everywhere it shouldn't be and leave it out from everywhere it should. " Hey, what's up?"said Jane."I don' t know",said Alex. It's only fun to experiment a little!
"Your jokes are scarier than your earrings." -Twit
"14. Pretend like you would want him even if he wasn't a prince. (Yeah, right.)" -How to Make a Guy Like You - Disney Princess Style
38. Address the reviewer personally saying you will threaten them with murder/arson/insert other form of retribution here if you do not post a glowing review.
39. Write something really, really, REALLY dumb. And pointless. And not worth reviewing.
"Don't bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself." William Faulkner.
Do you do poetry? Check out Poetry Inspiration over in Groups!
42. Make all your characters ill with Multiple Personality Disorder, where at one moment they're incredibly angry at the person and the next they're skipping through a field of flowers singing, "You are my sunshine, my only sunshine..."
43. Always use; semi colons; to separate; every five; words. Because using semi-colons make you look smart and cool.
44. Use the same adverb over and over and over again. "The incredibly depressed girl sobbed in the corner. Her boyfriend walked over, incredibly worried. She swatted his hand away with an incredible fury." Remember to revert it to an adjetive to give the readers some variety!
This is so funny! And true, this will make people hate you.
I have one.
45. "Yeah-but..." all of the reviews you get. A reviewer tells you your characters are ridiculous? Well, guess what, it doesn't apply to you, even if it's good advice, because of the equally ridiculous x, y, and z. Your poetic rhythm needs work? Well, guess what, the reviewer is reading the rhythm wrong! *
*Actual response I got on a different website. "You're reading the rhythm wrong."
This is amazing.
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