Okeydokey. To start off-
THE FIVE COMMANDMENTS OF DIALOGUE:
5. Thou Shalt Be To The Point
4. Thou Shalt Pepper Thy Dialogue With Slang Or Properness As Thou Shalt See It Fit
3. Thou Shalt Not Go Out Of Thy Way To Find More Interesting Words For Said
2. Thou Shalt Keep Situation/Human Nature In Mind
1. Thou Shalt Be True To Thy Character
Yeah, okay, I know you’ve heard most of those before. And I think you sort of grasp what I’m trying to get at, so I won’t bother explaining them.
PSYCHE!
You knew I would do that, eh?
5. Thou Shalt Be To The Point- there is nothing worse than rambling dialogue. You’ve probably met some of it whilst reading…and it is about as icky as frog guts. Or half-digested Barbie’s shoes (take it from someone who knows.)
4. Thou Shalt Pepper Thy Dialogue With Slang Or Properness As Thou Shalt See It Fit- Goes along with the first commandment, but it’s much more specialized. Slang is good. Repeat. Slang is goooooooood. However, if you overuse it, it’s also about as disgusting as half-digested plastic. (I’ll show you later how to cut down). On another front, if you’re writing about a bunch of Yale University neurosurgeons at a conference, you probably don’t want too much slang in there (generic ‘hi’ is okay. Oooh, so’s okay. )
3. Thou Shalt Not Go Out Of Thy Way To Find More Interesting Words For Said-
This is a major mistake amateurs make. Take this excerpt:
“The human bean,” the Giant went on, ‘is coming in dillions of different flavours. For instance, human beans from Wales is tasting very whooshey of fish. There is something very fishy about Wales.”
“You means whales,”Sophie said. “Wales is something quite different.”
“Wales is Whales,” the Giant said. “Don’t gobblefunk around with words.”
-The BFG, by Roald Dahl (p 28. 1982, Puffin Books)
See, he uses said twice in a row, and you don’t notice it. (I say english teachers everywhere should be taken out and forced to eat tartar sauce pops!)
And it sure is a lot better than:
“But we’ll never be together again!” sobbed Rosie. “ I mean, you’re moving to Arkansas!
“This sucks,” moped Angie.
“And you’ll probably meet a really great guy and forget about us!” prophesied Mykayla.
“Don’t worry, guys,” I cooed. “It’ll be all right.”
See how bad that is? (I know it doesn’t really help that I made this up off the top of my head, so it sucks accordingly ) This was inspired by a really horrible piece I critiqued on another writing site… *rant over*
2. Thou Shalt Keep Situation/Human Nature In Mind- Hey, it’s nice to have two people in a kind, loving relationship that never interrupt each other. Reality check! People are always going to accidently interrupt one another or lash out and little things like that. Also, if you’re hanging off the edge of a cliff, your conversations are going to be a bit varied from those you might have sitting on the couch, watching TV. That goes for situation.
1. Thou Shalt Be True To Thy Character- Face it. A galley cook aboard a pirate ship is going to speak differently than a lawyer from Michigan. This is very huge…and a rule most people forget about it.
Now that you’ve got these basic principles down, I’m going to show you how to tell good dialogue from bad dialogue with these rules (and a few more!)
So grab a pencil and some paper and…uh…scrooooooooooll on down!
“No one,” he mumbles. “I got horses to see to. No time for fumblin’ around with some daft maid on May Mornin’, nor any other time.”
“Pah! That’s a fib!”Nell flings both arms wide and twists her face to look like a parsnip. “Beware, sinner! Beware what you say! Repent! Repent! For Satan loves a fibber and will cary ou off to burn in Hell. In Hell, I tell you, where fibbers go. And frolickers. And women who wear scarlet ribbons or sweep their hearths on Sundays-“
“Hush…Hush up, you daft wench.”
“Repent! Repent! For I am your minister. God’s representative in this heathen place. For though my nose drips and I do not know a hoe from my-“
“Nell,hush!”
-The Minister’s Daughter, by Julie Hearn (pgs. 4-5. 2005, Atheneum books For Young Readers)
What’s Good? (Try this out before you read the answers. If you come up with one that works that isn’t down there…I’ll give ya a cupcake!)
Not only is it pretty funny (especially if you read it in context) but it flows extremely well. You can tell who’s talking, even if the author doesn’t constantly put ‘Sam said, Nell said’.
Also ask yourself, does the language work for two 17th century teens (the guy is a blacksmith’s apprentice, the other’s the healer’s granddaughter)? Yeah. I thought so. It does.
There’s also some slang (wench, frolick *shudder*), but not so much of it we go ‘STOP THE MADNESS!’
So, today, you’ve learned (hopefully) the five commandments and an introduction on how to pick apart good and bad dialogue.
MORE FUN TO COME! YAY!
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