Young Writers Society

I have discovered that there are a few pieces on here with ugly first sentences. And I'm getting a bit tired of repeating myself. So here are a few tips for making your first sentence more appealing.


What's so important about a first sentence?
A first sentence is the first thing a reader sees, if not the second (after the blurb). Have you ever picked up a novel and read the first few paragraphs to see if it's worth your time? Well that's what readers will do to you. Whether you want to get published or simply post it here on YWS, it is important to have a decent hook.

Would you go to a job interview in your PJs, with stringy oily hair, spinach in your teeth from the night before and smelling like a toilet? No? Then why present your story in the same way? The first impression is vital. By making your first sentence gorgeous, you are guaranteed to get more interest in the rest of the story.


How can I make it better?
It's actually very easy to make your sentence great the first time around. Just bear in mind a few little things. Questions and Relativity. That's it, and it's easy. Bare in mind the "who" "what" "where" "why" "when". Try to only use one or two of these, though.

For example:

"Fourteen year old John Marks walked from his kitchen into the vegetable patch to pick some carrots for the stew he was cooking for dinner."

Who- John Marks (given)
What- He needs carrots
Why- Because he is cooking a stew
Where- He leaves his kitchen and goes to the vegetable patch
When- when he was 14, probably in the evening.

The author of this has made a horrible mistake by giving us the whole story in a sentence. There are no questions that can be answered in the following piece, so there is no reason for the readers to keep reading.


A better example:
"She slammed the door."

Who- "She", the reader doesn't know who "she" is. Question 1.
What- a door
Why- We don't know, Question 2
Where- We don't know. Question 3
When- We don't know, Question 4.

There are 4 questions that can be answered in the next few sentences, giving the reader a reason to keep reading.


The Uh Oh factor.
This will make the start even better. It grabs the reader, makes them think "uh oh" or "oh dear", laugh or gasp. A good example is:

“He should never have taken that shortcut.” (Michael Crichton, Timeline)

Who- "he", we know nothing about him, Question 1
What- A short cut. What's wrong with it, what happened to him? Uh oh factor.
Why- We don't know why, but we know he shouldn't have. question 2 and Uh Oh factor.
Where- we don't know, Question 3
When- We don't know, Question 4.


Final Advice:
Contrary to what I have just spent half an hour trying to explain, it's best to not dwell too much on the first line. Otherwise the rest of the story loses its value. Don't graph the "who, what, where, why, when" as I have, just keep it in the back of your mind. Think "What would make me want to read this?" then write it. Remember to give away as little as possible, while tempting the readers to keep going.

Hopefully this advice helps you fix your first sentences and gives the rest of your story a fighting chance.

Awesome article! Say, I've never seen you around here before! (Or maybe I have and you just changed your name...) Anyway, whether I have or haven't, hi!

The article makes some good points. But like everything else with writing, there are no rules. You don't have to establish setting or characters or whatever with your first sentence; you've got a whole first chapter to do that. Your first sentence should be the first impression the reader gets, so make it whatever you think best represents the story you're trying to tell. For example, I wrote a few chapters of a doomed novel a while back. This is the first two lines:

F***.
Isn't it just the greatest word?

Needless to say, this is a horrible example. And one that will never be published unless I somehow land a job as head of a publishing company. The point is that you immediately get a sense of the tone of the novel. It's irreverent and not adverse to using foul language, like the narrator of the story.

I think what I'm trying to say is that it all depends on the type of novel you're writing. An action/adventure type thing would probably do well to follow the rules of that article, but if you think you know a better way to introduce your writing to an audience, go ahead.

And besides, you can always edit.

Great article, thanks

Maybe you're just seeing examples of first lines that you don't like. It's all down to opinion.

I'd have to say I didn't agree with much of that; it's probably better to say there are no rules.

But yes, it does have to grab the reader and make them read on. When picking up books in shops, I often have a quick glance at the blurb and then only read the first line or two before deciding whether to buy it. It has to be able to suck you in instantly.

Hey, very nice article. I have recently begun a first sentence fetish and am freakishly bashing everything I have written and am reading voraciously, all in the search of a wonderful opening sentence.

Mainly, it all comes down to if it is interesting and grabs the reader's interest. I mean, one person might totally throw down a book that begins with one of your sentences. Personally, my English teacher thought the opening sentence for "A Thousand Acres" was a good one (I can't put it here because I honestly can't remember it to save my life and I don't own the book), but I hated it to bits...

Personally, I just try to hook the reader.

Nice job once more!

*thumbs up*

~GryphonFledgling