Young Writers Society

There once was a buzzing Insect
And his name was Git
He was a roaming, toddling, wonderful thing
And he left zits whenever he bit

One day little Git
Was flying around
And spotted one day
Around the town

A nuclear war
About to take place
Oh no! Git said
I must move with haste

Little old Git
Didn’t want a war
So he decided
To bite some more

He bit the Russians
Them stupid communists
And bit the Americans
Those white trash idiots

So the buzzing old insect
Left a bunch of zits
On them stinking warmongering faces
And they threw quite a fit

They thought it was an alien
That was biting their face
And decided to unite
In the light of world peace

So the communists and the idiots
Made a united front
And so stinking Old Git
Prevented Alas, Babylon

'Oh no!' Git said
'I must move with haste'

He bit the Russians,
Them stupid communists,
And bit the Americans,
Those white trash idiots

On their stinking warmongering faces

Made a united front,

Prevented, alas, Babylon

Hi there, vk!

So, this is really a pretty entertaining piece. Since I don't take a history class (I'm homeschooled ) I can't quite pin point what this is about, but I get the general gist of it!

Other than all the parts that I pointed out in purple above, the only thing I think you should work on is you punctuation (you have none at the end of every stanza. That's ok, but if you'd like this to be presented better you should put in some punctuation) and imagery (can you tell us what the Russians looked like, all ready for battle in their uniforms? What about the Americans? Anything else that you think you could describe, too, would make this better ). I think it flowed really well and I liked your word choices.

So, bravo! This was a cute piece.

Keep writing,
Justagirl

Hey, Ravi!

This is an entertaining piece here that you've written and the story is charming. Git, in the name of peace, vows to prevent the collision of forces and helps them unite, thus saving the world from doom. It's simple and with great moral value. So great job in attempting this!

Now, there were a couple of hiccups here and there that need to be pointed out.

One day little Git
Was flying around
And spotted one day
Around the town

The phrase 'One day' has been used just twice, but in such succession and without much interval. This makes the whole stanza repetitive and quite unappealing. There's not much of creative imagery here as well. You've already said about him buzzing away in the last stanza and now you're using 'flying'. Again, the very limited description here brings about little life in the poem and doesn't do well for itself.

You've rhymed in this poem and it's simple and calm. A lot of very easy-to-use rhymes are in here and it makes the whole rhyme scheme imaginative. Also, the rhyme worsens as the poem progresses. The last few stanzas do not rhyme very well or have no rhyme at all.

I would suggest that you keep writing. Practice and practice. There's no better substitute than that. Write anything that comes to your mind. Even if you think it's good or bad, it'll still contribute towards your writing experience and build on your vocabulary. This is a great effort and not a bad idea. So keep the ink flowing!

Murtuza