Young Writers Society

It was doomed from the start, they said.
It would never work out, they said.
Who were they to judge us?
Who were they to say it was wrong?
What they said they saw in you,
What they said about you,
Was wrong.
Because they don't know you like I do.
They certainly haven't seen as much of you.
You were a scholarship kid at a school for rich people,
So what?
That didn't make you less of a person to me.
But it did to them.
My parents cared,
My friends cared,
But was it really any of their buisness?
You said screw them,
I agreed.
I still agree,
Though I haven't seen any of them since graduation.
Who are they to tell me who to love?
I love you you know.
And,
No matter what they say,
I know you love me.
You hardly ever say it in words,
and I hardly ever say it either.
But this is one of the things that,
Deep down,
You just know.
They said your from the wrong side of the tracks.
And in a way, it's true.
You knew all the police in the department by name,
Everyone in the Judges office too.
It's only that big of a deal in their eyes.
But,
You're also the kinda guy who rescues abandoned kittens,
One of the only guys I know who willingly buys tampons without complaint,
And even though they said you were the dumbest kid they ever saw,
You still made valedictorian.
Those people didn't know the kind of life you've had,
The kind of people you hung around.
The things they made you do.
And even if they did,
They'll never understand.
Sometimes I don't even understand even though I know,
And you call me a rich spoiled bitch.
I suppose I had it coming when I called you a dick.
But I'm trying to understand for you.
Once,
You put on a suit and took me to a resturant.
A fancy resturant.
I still don't know how you paid the tab.
You proposd there, remember?
For a minute, you were a rich boy.
And I hated you that way.
Don't try to fit in for me,
Don't ever let them make you feel that you aren't good enough.
You may be from the wrong side of the tracks on their eyes,
But in mine you couldn't be more perfect.
Fuck anyone who makes you feel inadequet,
Screw people who tell you you're bad for me,
Because all those rich boys drooling over my ass can't hold a candle to you.
They think with their dick, you think with your heart.
They say I'll be and addict by the time you're through with me.
They say I'll be knocked up by the time I'm eighteen.
They were wrong,
You knocked me up at nineteen on our wedding night.
Who are they to say that to me?
Who are they to say you're bad for me?
I want to spend the rest of my life with you,
Regardless of what they say.
You're from the wrong side of the tracks in their eyes,
So what?
Because now that I'm with you,
They're my side of the tracks to.

Ok. So this is a kind of inspirational poem and It was really good.
By the way It seems like a true story so yeah If I make any comments dont take it personally I'm just reviewing your work for you.
It was doomed from the start, they said.
It would never work out, they said.
This was a great begging and I fell into the poem at once because of it.But in the next line you used that word. I don't like it, maybe you do, but I don't and I personally think it's a draw back in your writing because you write good. Any ways I like the subject matter of the poem and the poem itself till the line where inspiration mixes with the romantic theme. These things were not blended in together very well and this is another one of your poem's draw backs. Also I noticed that your usage of language is changing again and again, I mean that somewhere you use really good english words and some places you go wayward and you use bad words or extremely common words. The other thing is that this becomes an inspirational story and ends up no where near the theme of inspirational, I guess you should have read it again and made the story in it a bit short. Here's a handy suggestion, always stay on the track AND always keep it short where possible. Also there is no sentence structure in your poem and the lines go haphazard in different lengths. Also I'd like to say there comes a point when a poem gets too drawling, you have to spice it up make it so that the reader can enjoy.
Anyways , nice try.

Hi.

I liked your poem. It was a nice story of how someone rich fell in love with someone poor and they got judged for that. But...

I was almost put off reading this poem because of the layout. It's all together. It needs to be separated into stanzas which will make it easier to read. I also think maybe you go into description a little too much. You said a way of how the people were wrong about him. And then another and another. I would say just to use three because three is a magic number and people remember three a lot. Like the three bears in the goldilocks story and the three goats in that child story (which I can't remember.)

But I say to use three.

It was good.

Deanie x