No, the TRUTH of the matter is...
HELPFUL MCHELPFULPANTS really quite likes you, but secretly hates your guts. Or is it the other way around? She is young and confused and fond of pineapples in theory but not in practice; she also enjoys rhyming a little more than is healthy, because of an incident in her youth involving a cactus. She has a dog, and a third eye, and schizophrenia. She finds it frustratingly difficult to lift individual eyebrows. She prefers reading to listening and has hated tactile learners ever since one kicked her in the head. She is too lazy to remember the existence of tact, boundaries, or common decency. She talks just like this. No, really. JUST LIKE THIS. With the capital letters, even.
Which is as much to say, she's not really in a position to help anyone, let alone the implied you.
Have a nice day!
P.S. I copied the above description, with the exception of the screenname. If someone recognizes it I will be intensely amused.
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