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Elements of Faerie.
Elements of Faerie.

by Kaylyn in Storybooks
Young Writers Society Forum Index » Narrative Poetry

This thread was created on September 2, 2006
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Tail Held High

Topic ID: 9975
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Snoink   View This User's Portfolio
Snuggly
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 02, 2006 9:08 pm    Post subject: Tail Held High Reply with quote

I had a tiny little dream

Where I was being followed

By a tiger, gray and black

Hiding in my shadow



At first I thought – ignore him. 

That ghastly looming sight

Of a silent tiger

Trailing me by night.



But as we rambled onward

I hastened up my pace –

First a walk and then a jog –

A run and then a race!



He never ran, my tiger,

But he never fell behind

And so we rushed together

In a single little line.



And while I raced on, panicked,

A big hawk swooped down low

A great rock in its talons

Which at me it did throw



With a cry, I threw myself

Deep within the ground

When beside me came a roar

With a most amazing sound.



The tiger sprang up at the rock, and

With a mighty padded paw,

The rock burst into a million stars – 

The tiger opened up his jaw… 



He leapt up higher, higher still

And swallowed up the hawk –

Feathers tumbling from his mouth –

He smiled and then he dropped.



Out of the sky and onto the land –

I was very much afraid

Still, I crept close to the tiger

And saw him where he lay:



His eyes pulled shut, his paws outstretched

His body gleaming red

And as I walked up closer still,

I thought that he was dead.



My heart felt sick, my body shook

And as I began to weep

His yellow eyes blinked open,

And with a tigery creep:



He stood up and winked at me

Before running in the night

And the last thing I saw of him

Was his tail holding high.

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Dream Deep   View This User's Portfolio
is a teapot
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PostPosted: Sat Sep 02, 2006 9:18 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

I love it love it love it love it, a million times love it but then I think I already told you that. Wink

Great job, Snow Pig.



~Dreamy ^_^
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PostPosted: Tue Sep 05, 2006 1:17 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Words fail me.

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 08, 2006 4:01 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

The teacher wrote this about it:

He stood up and winked at me
Before running in the night
And the last thing I saw of him
Was his tail holding high. REWORK THIS TO FOCUS THE "COMPARISON" HERE? THIS IS SWEET AND FUNNY... IS IT A KIND OF CHILDREN'S STORY?



What do you think she means by it? ^_^;;

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imp forgets what was writ
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PostPosted: Fri Sep 08, 2006 5:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I enjoyed it, Snoink. Of the rhyme, no complaints...except for the very last line --
Quote:
And the last thing I saw of him
Was his tail holding high.


...his tail was holding - what high? The double syllable was what you wanted? Was his tail held high makes more sense.

Quote:
The teacher wrote this about it:

He stood up and winked at me
Before running in the night
And the last thing I saw of him
Was his tail holding high. REWORK THIS TO FOCUS THE "COMPARISON" HERE? THIS IS SWEET AND FUNNY... IS IT A KIND OF CHILDREN'S STORY?


...This is your professor talking? --Is she perhaps confused? o0' ^_~

Focus comparison - joys of vagary.

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Snoink   View This User's Portfolio
Snuggly
Writer of Legend

2137
Gender: Gender:Female
Age: 20
Joined: 02 Apr 2005
Posts: 8719
Reviews: 2137
Country: USA
1951 Points

PostPosted: Fri Sep 08, 2006 6:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well... she's obsessed with caps lock, if you couldn't tell, lol.

And I think she means comparison as metaphors. So she uses them interchangably. I think...

And yeah. The double syllable thing I was aiming for. Gah! Writing poetry is like playing suduko. You try to fix a line and end up having to replace the whole damn board. Razz

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This thread was created on September 2, 2006

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