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Kisses in the Rain, Sunsets on the Water

by guitargrl1323 in Lyric Poetry


	Young Writers Society Forum Index » Narrative Poetry

This thread was created on August 18, 2006

Mauve Beach

Topic ID: 9684

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MRMarathon
Junior Writer

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Age: 19
Joined: 08 Aug 2006
Posts: 49
Reviews: 24
Country: USA
300 Points

Posted: Fri Aug 18, 2006 8:58 am Post subject: Mauve Beach

one thousand half loves lying on a beach spread open thighs defecated by the horrid leeches a dove flies above a violent sunset and passes out drunk in the sand it cries in its falsetto tone what a wonderful half love shave paradise's legs for me violet crystals growing from an eye sipping rose colored glasses a woman in mauve dress walks barefoot atop a cliff she watches nude half loves convulsing on crystal beach the most infamous cancerous shoreline wet with salty ambition she holds her hand out to the violent sunset that burns bleach and a sunset becomes an afternoon filled with rape as the ocean sucks up paradise and satisfies itself

Cameron
Senior Writer

103

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Age: 18
Joined: 28 Jul 2006
Posts: 175
Reviews: 103
Country: Canada
300 Points

Posted: Fri Aug 18, 2006 10:52 pm Post subject:

This has potential, but I find it a little too repetitive (half loves) and it looks almost like your throwing random words into your poems that don't really belong or make sense. [/quote]

MRMarathon
Junior Writer

Gender:

Age: 19
Joined: 08 Aug 2006
Posts: 49
Reviews: 24
Country: USA
300 Points

Posted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 2:35 am Post subject:

i work from abstract imagery and made up metaphors. it's not all random it's connected in one way or another. it's about illusions of lust and glamor. it's not supposed to be always straight forward. most poetry i know can have multiple meanings you just have to read between the lines and such.

Cameron
Senior Writer

103

Gender:

Age: 18
Joined: 28 Jul 2006
Posts: 175
Reviews: 103
Country: Canada
300 Points

Posted: Sat Aug 19, 2006 2:49 am Post subject:

There still has to be some element of sense involved...it can be abstract sure...but even the most abstract poetry has some underlying element of structure. Anyone can just slap words onto a piece of paper and call it poetry.
_________________ The individual leads in actual fact a double life, one in which he is an end to himself and another in which he is a link in a chain which he serves against his will or at least independently of his will. --SIGMUND FREUD

This thread was created on August 18, 2006	Young Writers Society Forum Index » Narrative Poetry	All times are GMT
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This thread was created on August 18, 2006

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