Topic ID: 960
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Firestarter
rear-admiral of the RED Site Admin

 Gender:  Age: 20 Joined: 19 Nov 2004 Posts: 6291 Reviews: 986 Country: Albion 300 Points
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Posted: Thu Jan 20, 2005 6:42 pm Post subject: Blue Lights (lyrics) (over 13) |
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blue lights
streaming across the night sky
dominating the city
an ominous signal of desire
you are on fire
you are on
f i r e
i wish i could say
that everything's under control
just another day
of rock and/or roll
deep breath
before the plunge
tear out my heart
listen to the lyrics
of a song i wrote
driving in my car
wind in my hair
funky indie riffs.
blue lights
twirling in front of my eyes
kaleidoscope lady
i didn't take too much
you are dying
you are
d e a d
crazy remix dance
extravaganza
yeh yeh yeh
it's all your fault
i didn't touch it
this time
just don't look back
i'll be gone
before then...
blue lights
they've gone, can't see them anymore
that fucking geezer
stole my wallet
i am on fire
i am on
f i r e
i am dying
i am dying
i am dying
yeh yeh yeh |
_________________ and if you promise to stay conscious
i will try and do the same
yeah, we might die from medication
but we sure killed all the pain
Last edited by Firestarter on Sun Jan 23, 2005 1:20 am; edited 2 times in total |
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Sam
starface Epic Novelist

 Gender:  Age: 15 Joined: 12 Dec 2004 Posts: 4920 Reviews: 1251 Country: 'mreeka 446 Points
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Posted: Thu Jan 20, 2005 9:52 pm Post subject: RE |
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i thought it was very lyrical. The yeh yeh yeh's don't really look as cool on paper as what they sound like in song. I really liked this one, no crit. All you need is some good music now to go with it! |
_________________ You can build a throne with bayonets, but you can't sit on it for very long.
- Boris Yeltsin |
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Chevy
science, again. Master of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 18 Joined: 21 Nov 2004 Posts: 1613 Reviews: 660 Country: It's Complicated. 300 Points
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Posted: Fri Jan 21, 2005 4:04 pm Post subject: |
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| Wow...this was really good. A lot of times when reading lyrics, they can be very redundant, but these weren't at all. It was fun to read. I liked it. :Two thumbs up: |
_________________ "I could not escape a feeling that this was my own funeral, and you do not cry in that case."
- A Seperate Peace (John Knowles) |
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Tara
Speaker of the Forum
 Gender:  Age: 19 Joined: 07 Jan 2005 Posts: 939 Reviews: 145 Country: United States 300 Points
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Posted: Sun Jan 23, 2005 1:17 am Post subject: |
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It's great, jack  |
_________________ Late last night and the night before, Tommyknockers, Tommyknockers knocking at the door. I wanna go out, don't know if I can, 'cuz I'm so afraid of the Tommyknocker man. |
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randy
Writer

 Gender:  Age: 23 Joined: 18 Dec 2004 Posts: 56 Reviews: 24 Country: around DC 300 Points
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Posted: Sun Jan 23, 2005 1:24 am Post subject: |
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| It's better than I could...which isn't exactly saying much...It's grrrreat! |
_________________ Bibamus, morturande est. |
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Guest
Age: 15
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Posted: Sun Jan 23, 2005 6:23 pm Post subject: |
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"funky indie riffs"--- You rock my world Fire.
One suggestion to change the second stanza, because you have an accidental rhyme scheme. I think one set of rhyming lines is fine, but maybe you could change
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i wish i could say
that everything's under control |
to "i wish i could say
that everything's as it should be" or something to that effect. |
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A.O. Avalon
Senior Writer

 Gender:  Age: 23 Joined: 30 Nov 2004 Posts: 119 Reviews: 72 Country: Mt. Vernon, Eye-oh-way 300 Points
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Posted: Sun Jan 23, 2005 6:33 pm Post subject: |
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| The "guest" message is actually me, i just wasn't logged in and was being confused by the new layout. so yeah. |
_________________ "El sueño de la razon produce monstrisos"
--Fransisco de Goya |
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Slothman
Junior Writer

Age: 38 Joined: 14 Mar 2005 Posts: 20 Reviews: 10 Country: Australia 300 Points
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Posted: Mon Mar 14, 2005 6:26 am Post subject: |
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hewhehehehehehe 'geezer'
| Anonymous wrote: |
"funky indie riffs"--- You rock my world Fire.
One suggestion to change the second stanza, because you have an accidental rhyme scheme. I think one set of rhyming lines is fine, but maybe you could change
| Quote: |
i wish i could say
that everything's under control |
to "i wish i could say
that everything's as it should be" or something to that effect. |
I reckon it should stay as under control, its more 'rockish' |
_________________ available |
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Harley
awkward and innocent. Speaker of the Forum

 Gender:  Age: 16 Joined: 27 Jan 2005 Posts: 518 Reviews: 241 Country: scotland. 300 Points
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Posted: Mon May 23, 2005 8:06 pm Post subject: |
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wow
oh my god, it's freakin KICK ASS
wow
I have a whole tune for this in my head, jack
you rock, hon, seriously, this is amazing, i love the whole indie feel to it- totally awesome |
_________________ inspiration. imagination. creativity. |
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