Topic ID: 959
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Wulie
The death of poerty, remains to be unleashed
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 Posted: Thu Jan 20, 2005 9:58 am Post subject: [Your wish] |
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I know I have posted loads resently and I shall stop I just found this one on my comp I wrote it yonks ago just wondered what you thought of it sorry I will stop posting my stuff!!!
Today is the past,
Tomorrow is our forgotten,
How we long for it all to last,
My heart so rotten.
Fairytales are eroding my mind,
Bleeding speeches become my bible,
Together we are bind,
Biblical words of the unable.
Sing for this freedom,
Your sickening smile killing me,
Sing for your kingdom,
Your righteous rhyme.
Play upon my heart,
The notes we swore as our love,
Take me to your start,
There we can solve.
Bored carvings upon my arms,
You always had to be better than me,
In my denial I will burn every face of you,
Your eyes my leading light.
I am what you shouldn’t love,
I am the problem,
So take my heart tonight,
And play that tune upon the sweet stars.
Your beautiful words scarp down my soul,
Laughing at my beliefs in you,
You lead me to believe,
In so much more.
Tonight is our final good bye,
Don’t shed a tear upon her body,
I know your love for her will never falter,
You wished me away night after night.
So god finally granted your wish,
With the kiss of love,
Forever and always,
Goodbye. |
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Chevy
science, again.
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| Posted: Fri Jan 21, 2005 4:42 pm Post subject: |
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Well, there was a strong amount on inconsistency since some of it rhymed and some of it didn't. I also didn't really understand the point/subject/concept.
Meh...maybe it's just me. |
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Elelel
ME
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| Posted: Sat Jan 22, 2005 6:43 am Post subject: |
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No, it made sense to me.
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So god finally granted your wish,
With the kiss of love,
Forever and always,
Goodbye. |
This is lovely! I love this ending!  |
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Wulie
The death of poerty, remains to be unleashed
Novelist
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Age: 19
Joined: 04 Dec 2004
Posts: 287
Reviews: 137
Country: Far, far from reality where tears don't form.
300 Points
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| Posted: Sat Jan 22, 2005 10:25 am Post subject: |
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Thank you muchously  !
wu x |
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Myriadne
Writer
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| Posted: Wed Feb 02, 2005 1:21 am Post subject: |
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| I really liked this one and don't have any crit great job, this poem really speaks to me. |
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Sam
starface
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| Posted: Wed Feb 02, 2005 3:03 am Post subject: RE |
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| Oh my gosh Wulie...this proves it...you've ALWAYS been a poet, and you ALWAYS will! You are soooo good at endings...the rest of your poems are kind of 'well, Ok' but the endings... |
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Wulie
The death of poerty, remains to be unleashed
Novelist
Gender:
Age: 19
Joined: 04 Dec 2004
Posts: 287
Reviews: 137
Country: Far, far from reality where tears don't form.
300 Points
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| Posted: Wed Feb 02, 2005 5:16 pm Post subject: |
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| lol - cheers I guess thats something |
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hekategirl
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| Posted: Thu Feb 03, 2005 7:42 pm Post subject: |
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| I agree with Carsguitars77 I didn't unterstand the point/subject/concept. But I did slightly unterstand the ending. Which was beutiful. |
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