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Young Writers Society


Reflections of a Nomad



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23 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 1072
Reviews: 23
Sun Sep 18, 2011 9:51 am
UrbanNomad says...



Reflections of a Nomad

Foreclosure is the only outcome
to this mortgage which has indebted me
an existence of normality
-solitary confinement I suppose.
Expectations are a dangerous thing,
a plaster on a small wound
that tourniquets an unnecessary swelling tighter.
Believe me, when I strayed before
there was captive pain to behold!
Auckland’s suited moguls are not ready
for a wanderer in their ranks
as long as the commute drones on.


Last week I left the settlement
-by bus migration-
to show them that ‘you cannot bound the boundless’
-a call I hope they heard.
I stood where I did as a child
on the waterfront gutter of Queen St
looking up the ascension and
waiting for the muck to come downstream.
We used to walk supervised
beneath the awnings in winter,
only getting hammered by rain
to avoid the library drunkards.
Now I have made my way
the way to the overexposure
the way to Grafton




My memories of this place
Are buried deep down in the hill
so I can hear the prophets voice
speaking to the tar starved
who came here because dependence never stops.
Under the bottle neck bridge,
I still saw bearded gurus
meditate in a cloud of tobacco
and fuming filth-
their shrine to nomadship.
The known struggle was dispersed among
the sidewalk casualties, who kissed the earth bare lipped-
hungry as Baxter’s Jerusalem.

A salute I suppose
to the ‘free men’, who stumble
their course along the cemetery’s edge
with the ache of aldehyde
and remain away/
Though evidently
living liberation has a disgusting padlock-
we are all well aware of these inner city workings;
free from one shackle and sent to the next.
However I have a strong feeling
that I lack the resonated consistency
of the wanderers before me
in this concrete palisade. Please throw concern away;
subsistence is a choice on my part-
dependence is not.
Yes I do agree, the boundless cannot be bound,
Now
Found.
  





User avatar
16 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 1413
Reviews: 16
Sun Sep 18, 2011 1:19 pm
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BaronFlame says...



Interesting, very interesting indeed. I had to go over it multiple times to grasp all that was going on there but I still wasn't able to understand all. A few literally devices that you used escaped me, some for obvious reason and some for others.
To say that this poem is heavy at some points is according to me an understatement. Of course, I could be wrong but that's what I perceived.
I am no expert and so I won't exactly critique your work but I'd like to point out a few things. As a person who often struggles with beginnings, I'd like to say that the beginning was really good. It didn't appear out of no where and it wasn't so subtle that it would be overlooked.
The core or theme as some may say - "you cannot bound the boundless" wasn't forgotten throughout the poem yet it wasn't repetitive as some may say. Brilliantly done there.
All in all, a fantastic read, though I'll have to go over it multiple times in order to better understand it(As it is with most poems out there).
"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve." - Bilbo Baggins

"I did it! I finally killed Batman! In front of a bunch of vulnerable, disabled kids!!! Now get me Santa Claus!" - Joker
  





User avatar
76 Reviews



Gender: Male
Points: 1457
Reviews: 76
Mon Sep 19, 2011 12:26 pm
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Formslipper says...



I read it. This is a difficult poem to decipher, but it's imagery was acute. If you keep this kind of writing up, then you're sure to be noticed, and perhaps even featured. I sort of imagine this kind of thing tucked away in a dusty old tome, underneath a pile of bones in the middle of a cavern. It's just that good.

You didn't need rhyme, because it flowed nicely.

No grammar errors, as far as I could see. Except, however, you had a sort of sporadic way of capitalization. Seeing as I don't know much about poetry, I'm not going to get into what should and shouldn't be capitalized. Other than that, though, good job overall.

Good vocabulary, too. You're obviously either well-read, or simply smart. :)

I do have a note of demeanor. Not surprisingly, you procured 3 likes for this stupendous work; great job! But, one of these likes is yours. Er, don't do that. Nobody should like their own work, not even a good writer. And people will think you're prideful if they see that.

Other than that, great poem. I may come back to it later, just so that I can try to understand it.

Keep Writing!
  





User avatar
9 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1048
Reviews: 9
Mon Sep 19, 2011 1:16 pm
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youngtalentkritz says...



i think that this is a very nice poem...,,i liked it very much..,,although,to make it clear,one should read it twice..!! in my case,on the 1st time,it really bowled over my head.,but i found it pretty awesome on my second trip within it.!! the title kind of fascinated me into reading the poem!! i think that this is a literary masterpiece..,though some misconceptions took place,while grasping the meaning of it.,,it really is a very good poem,and to my intense surprise,there is not any grammatical mistakes..not at all,which makes it worth reading..!!
overall,the poem succeed to maintain the interest of the reader from top to bottom..nice job done..!!!:)
congratulations.....,i look forward to more of your works..!!:)
  





User avatar
42 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1422
Reviews: 42
Sun Oct 09, 2011 10:01 pm
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alabasterwolveness says...



Hiya! Haha well lets get started!

Reflections of a Nomad


Foreclosure is the only outcome
to this mortgage add the word In which has indebted me
an existence of normality
-solitary confinement I suppose.
Expectations are a dangerous thing,
a plaster on a small wound
that tourniquets an unnecessary swelling tighter.
Believe me, when I Have strayed strayed before
there was captive pain to behold!
How does this tie into the top para?
Auckland’s suited moguls are not ready
for a wanderer in their ranks
as long as the commute drones on. I would switch the last two words to droned upon. But those are still good. Change if you want to.


Last week I left the settlement
-by add the word a bus migration-
to show them that ‘you cannot bound the boundless’
-a call I hope they heard. This is a place where it starts to lead into a different direction.
Here below this has changed the subject again...
I stood where I did as a child add a comma possibly... Maybe. I think so...
on the waterfront gutter of Queen St
looking up the ascension and
waiting for the muck to come downstream.
We used to walk supervised
beneath the awnings in winter,
only getting hammered by rain
to avoid the library drunkards.
This below this comment doesnt fit into the other part of the verse
Now I have made my way
the way to the overexposure
the way to Grafton




My memories of this place
Are buried deep down in the hill
so I can hear the prophets voice
speaking to the tar starved
who came here because dependence never stops.
Under the bottle neck bridge,
I still saw bearded gurus
meditate in a cloud of tobacco
and fuming filth-
their shrine to nomadship.
The known struggle was dispersed among
the sidewalk casualties, who kissed the earth bare lipped-
hungry as Baxter’s Jerusalem.
Nice verse! I liked it alot!

A salute I suppose
to the ‘free men’, who stumble
their course along the cemetery’s edge
with the ache of aldehyde (This means?.. Possibly think on changing it? If not then its alright)
and remain away. (Not \)
Though evidently
living liberation has a disgusting padlock-
we are all well aware of these inner city workings;
free from one shackle and sent to the next.
However I have a strong feeling
that I lack the resonated consistency
of the wanderers before me
in this concrete palisade. Please throw concern away;
subsistence is a choice on my part-
dependence is not.
Yes I do agree, the boundless cannot be bound,
Now
Found.


Very nice! I liked this poem alot, it was nice to understand and and easy read except for a few words in here, which is good. Possibly add a little bit more details here and there. Other then that. Awesome poem! Keep writing!

~Randi (Alabaster)
~Lady Death~
Down in the dark, alone at night. Bleeding and Torn... Broken in the light
  





User avatar
42 Reviews



Gender: Female
Points: 1422
Reviews: 42
Sun Oct 09, 2011 10:01 pm
alabasterwolveness says...



Hiya! Haha well lets get started!

Reflections of a Nomad


Foreclosure is the only outcome
to this mortgage add the word In which has indebted me
an existence of normality
-solitary confinement I suppose.
Expectations are a dangerous thing,
a plaster on a small wound
that tourniquets an unnecessary swelling tighter.
Believe me, when I Have strayed strayed before
there was captive pain to behold!
How does this tie into the top para?
Auckland’s suited moguls are not ready
for a wanderer in their ranks
as long as the commute drones on. I would switch the last two words to droned upon. But those are still good. Change if you want to.


Last week I left the settlement
-by add the word a bus migration-
to show them that ‘you cannot bound the boundless’
-a call I hope they heard. This is a place where it starts to lead into a different direction.
Here below this has changed the subject again...
I stood where I did as a child add a comma possibly... Maybe. I think so...
on the waterfront gutter of Queen St
looking up the ascension and
waiting for the muck to come downstream.
We used to walk supervised
beneath the awnings in winter,
only getting hammered by rain
to avoid the library drunkards.
This below this comment doesnt fit into the other part of the verse
Now I have made my way
the way to the overexposure
the way to Grafton




My memories of this place
Are buried deep down in the hill
so I can hear the prophets voice
speaking to the tar starved
who came here because dependence never stops.
Under the bottle neck bridge,
I still saw bearded gurus
meditate in a cloud of tobacco
and fuming filth-
their shrine to nomadship.
The known struggle was dispersed among
the sidewalk casualties, who kissed the earth bare lipped-
hungry as Baxter’s Jerusalem.
Nice verse! I liked it alot!

A salute I suppose
to the ‘free men’, who stumble
their course along the cemetery’s edge
with the ache of aldehyde (This means?.. Possibly think on changing it? If not then its alright)
and remain away. (Not \)
Though evidently
living liberation has a disgusting padlock-
we are all well aware of these inner city workings;
free from one shackle and sent to the next.
However I have a strong feeling
that I lack the resonated consistency
of the wanderers before me
in this concrete palisade. Please throw concern away;
subsistence is a choice on my part-
dependence is not.
Yes I do agree, the boundless cannot be bound,
Now
Found.


Very nice! I liked this poem alot, it was nice to understand and and easy read except for a few words in here, which is good. Possibly add a little bit more details here and there. Other then that. Awesome poem! Keep writing!

~Randi (Alabaster)
~Lady Death~
Down in the dark, alone at night. Bleeding and Torn... Broken in the light
  








You are strong enough to conquer this day and the rest of your life.
— Tuckster