Topic ID: 8345
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cathy
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 Posted: Sat Apr 08, 2006 9:30 am Post subject: Can't |
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I can't do this any longer,
Can't be this any longer,
Can't see you any longer.
You just sit there looking at me
So pretty and so happy,
What do you want me to be?
I can't ride this any longer,
I just sit there looking longing
At you just because i want you.
You do not seem interested in me
And seem confident and happy,
Is that what you want me to be? |
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There’s nothing to do, There’s nothing to see
There’s no where to go, There’s no where to be
I’m just sitting alone, In this empty room
Writing my poem, I’m over the moon
Last edited by cathy on Thu Aug 31, 2006 12:52 pm; edited 3 times in total |
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Elizabeth
1 Piece To The Original YWS Couple
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| Posted: Sat Apr 08, 2006 10:12 am Post subject: |
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I just sit there lokking longing
At you just cos i want you.
looking
because
I
no using slang or shortening words. It's lazy.
I didn't get this.
The repitition wasn't the best in this poem, and I got confused.
I'm sure you can do better than this
---Elizabeth |
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cathy
Writer
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Age: 16
Joined: 29 Oct 2005
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Country: uk
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| Posted: Sat Apr 08, 2006 11:26 am Post subject: |
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| i have written music to go with it, so i have to use slang so it goes with the music |
_________________
There’s nothing to do, There’s nothing to see
There’s no where to go, There’s no where to be
I’m just sitting alone, In this empty room
Writing my poem, I’m over the moon |
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Sophie
Smokey
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| Posted: Sat Apr 08, 2006 12:12 pm Post subject: |
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| Then at least put: 'cause |
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Take me back to London please!!! |
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zell
hey
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| Posted: Sat Apr 08, 2006 5:35 pm Post subject: |
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(i had a tune from that) i liked that alot have you got any guitar tunes or bass lines for that just for a matter of intrest  |
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cathy
Writer
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| Posted: Sat Apr 08, 2006 6:57 pm Post subject: Music |
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| To be honest with you, i did have, but at the time when i was writing, i was in a sleeping bag in the middle of the night camping in the rain, and i couldn't write it down, and i was really annoyed with myself because i didn't, but i am working on it. Do you have any ideas? |
_________________
There’s nothing to do, There’s nothing to see
There’s no where to go, There’s no where to be
I’m just sitting alone, In this empty room
Writing my poem, I’m over the moon |
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innerbeauty555
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Country: If I tell you, will you give me cheese? PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE?
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| Posted: Fri Apr 14, 2006 2:54 am Post subject: |
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| cathy wrote: |
| i have written music to go with it, so i have to use slang so it goes with the music |
You still say "looking", "'cause", and "I", so that makes no sense. Learn decent English. |
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You say "crazy" like it's a bad thing... |
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